Tuesday, August 31, 2004

123 days: GMDB

Today I would like to discuss the condition afflicting modern women.
It's called GMDB. Or, in other words:

Gay, Married, Dead, Broke

Yes I think you would be familiar with the concept. Shall not spell it out further. Don't know why I'm talking about something that we all know about, but just felt like it tonight.

The roller coaster ride has begin
Lift up your hatch and peer onto the stream
Of open faces and closed minds
Defy the tingling in your arms
To retreat and retract
All bad things come to an end

Anyway I know why they planned to have PI on second sem of third year. Because by this time, everyone is at each other's throats for some reason or other. We all need that break man!

123 days:

The weather's horrible.

Just watched Dead Poet's Society. It's such a cliche film now I think, associated with carpe diem the typically inspiring Robin Williams' movie. The bad thing about being a film out of Hollywood is that people don't take you seriously enough.

But things are always created for a reason. Sure, most Hollywood movies are made for one reason = profits. Those were the intentions of the producers (albeit debatable). Regardless, if we're able to derive some other reason for its existence, draw and create our own meaning of it, isn't that all the better?

Just because the plate of rice was meant for me, it doesn't mean someone else can't have it and enjoy it in a different way right?

I'm just saying this because I think the movie did some good in reigniting some of the fire in me that inevitably burnt out along the way.

With all the mess churning around, it's nice to have something like that to show you first hand what passion is.

Sure, it's all in the editing, in the camera angles, in the acting. But isn't it beautiful how all these artificiality can come together to make me, insignificant little me, feel something?

The beauty of movies.

I sometimes don't like to feel so much about them. I feel as if I've been brainwashed, as if my mind should be able to withstand such obvious attempts and deluding me from reality.

But just like how we pause in our steps to examine a sunset, or how we replay our favourite song just because we felt like listening to it again, or like how we indulge in that extra scoop of icecream because nothing beats that exquisite sensation of sugary, melting bliss in our mouths.... all this we do to make ourselves happy. It reminds us that there is beauty in life, in its little moments which we are thankfully able to carve out for ourselves.

And maybe watching a movie isn't quite so different.

I went into the woods because
I wanted to live deliberately.

I wanted to live deep and
suck out all the marrow of life,

to put to rout all that was not life;
and not, when I came to die,
discover that I had not lived.

The next person to tell me that I'm stupid for wanting to go to a third-world country for my internship can read the above for my explanation. I've spent almost a third of my life doing shit, and it has to end some time.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

124 days: I've been a horrible person

I just finished:
1. vacuuming
2. mopping
3. hanging a full load of laundry

And yes, I'm tired. But I like the feeling of doing housework till I sweat... maybe it's subconscious. Because it's the same way my mom sweats when she cleans the house, so I feel as if I'm one step closer to being like her.

Aw, I love you mom.

Been thinking more and more
about my impending trip to Bangladesh. It's not confirmed yet, but I think about 80% confirmed?

The way I operate is to think of something good in the future that I can look forward to and just grit my teeth and get through the horrible times just so I can reach that place.

I think I've never had a better incentive than this trip. It makes everything alright.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

125 days: Fascination Street

let's cut the conversation and get out for abit because i feel it all fading and paling
and i'm begging to drag you down with me to kick the last nail in yeah i like you in that like i like you to
scream but if you open your mouth then i cant be responsible for quite what goes in or
to care what comes out so just pull on your hair just pull on your pout and let's move to the beat like we
know that it's over if you slip going under slip over my shoulder so just pull on your face
just pull on your feet and let's hit opening time down on
fascination street.

It's late and I'm tired. I have a lot of things left to do.
1. Chron
2. Public Affairs
3. Take photos tomorrow.

I'm really counting down the days to when I leave this place. Adn that's (about) 125 more days. That's not a lot at all.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Strange attraction

This is my first entry. It seems better than xanga.