Saturday, October 30, 2004

50 days: Kissing a Fool

I'm blown away by George Michael. It's amazing. Never really listened through a collection of his songs, but... oh man.. woah.

How much more romantic can you get?


But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other,


Guess what. I'm in the Chron room again. Although I think this is likely to be the last time I have to stay here overnight, I have realised by now that there is a mysterious power of the Chron room that always makes me end up there again against my own will.

Talking about the topic of having crushes with two friends just now made me think about my own "crush history".

I have a terrible history. I have a reputation amongst my close friends, and i suppose now anyone reading this, for developing crushes as easy as breathing.

Ok, maybe I exaggerate, but I certainly seem to have very low standards for having crushes. Obviously, this is what my friends say. I don't think I've low standards, just different tastes that's all, and the fact that i'm not too demanding.

My emotions are fragile, I change my mind quickly. But the thing that i think attracted me most was this unexplainable internal quality of character. Of course, I had my frivolous crushes on the so called "cute" guys, those crushes were entertainment at best. Everyone knew it was a joke. And then, there were those which made me fall into some semblance of depression.

I don't think I'm capable of doing the same thing again. It was just emotional immaturity on my part. The only reason why I can talk about it is because I know it'll never happen again.

This is why i'm so sceptical of infatuations. It's easy to spot. The person having the infatuation does not know the object of his infatuation. Knowing doesn't mean being acquainted, a few verbal exchanges are not enough to know a person, and we all know that. Most of the time though, you can tell when you ask the person "why do you like him/her" and they say "i don't know, i just do".

I'm sceptical because i've had so many, and they all end terribly. Terrible not because they found out, or because my friends made a fool of me. Because I find out I've been wasting my energy and time on someone who wasn't what i thought he was. They always end up less than what I thought they were, substandard, an inferior duplicate of the person I thought I'd like.

People can be so deceiving. Guiqing and I came to the conclusion, that it's only a matter of time that the "promising guy" reveals his terrible flaw. And it's true. Not a single male that we have thought as having "potential" have ever lived up to that. Well, Cenite did, unless you count his sexuality. But it doesn't matter to us, as I think everyone knows haha.

Why am I typing this at 5 am in the morning? I don't know.

It's all George's fault. Listening to his song made me weepy whiny wishy washy emotionally vulnerable etc.

Sigh, but who can blame me? Just to reemphased my point

But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other.

I think it's the concept of surrendering entirely that cuts me. The lyrics could not be more perfect, seriously. Surrending only happens when you have complete trust, complete love, you cast aside your female pride and ego (which i have too much of), you fall into the typecasted role of a woman because you have given up yourself completely. It is because I know how difficult it is to do this, how rare it is to ever find someone you will want to surrender to. And the word "man". It's so common, simple, and yet it has so many connotations. You know they say, a good man is hard to come by? It's not true, it should be "a man is hard to come by". There are jerks, idiots, boys, dudes, guys and then, men. Its a person who's everything rolled into one, someone who knows what he wants in life, knows who he is, knows his flaws and strengths, someone not afraid to apologise, someone understanding, loving and kind, respects you, someone with ego and pride, someone who is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in.

I can't believe the number of cliches I just typed out. Doesn't matter, it's all true, that's how they became cliches.

And on we go with the random train of thoughts.







3 comments:

Irate Savant said...

"I can't believe the number of cliches I just typed out."

Nor can I.

Ghim Lay said...

Cliche yes, but I agree with you. And what I think is, most women out there aren't even with that man.

Anonymous said...

u forget.. a REAL MAN never ever leaves the toilet seat down