Wednesday, October 13, 2004

81 days: Kitty Kats

It's 4 am and as of today I spotted FOUR cats! Yessiree that's more than enough to make my day.

I had a nice talk, well it was nice to me anyway, with someone I haven't spoken to in quite a while, and I really cannot describe how I feel... (but its positive lah). But it did make me think about myself a bit more... something I haven't done properly in quite a while.

Guiqing has pointed it out to me many times, maybe she doesn't realise it, but she has - how I constantly say one thing and do another. Or how I am too quick to judge people for mistakes which I make myself.

It's quite upsetting to me sometimes, being the pot is way worse than being the kettle, if you know what I mean.

What makes it worse is that I really don't like it when others contradict themselves also!

It's all a bit confusing, because I believe that I always mean what I say. But I realise that maybe it's because I say what I would like to believe. My ideal self speaks, but my flawed self carries out the action that contradicts it.

But then again, it's really wishful thinking for me to be able to be so consistant because that's not what humans are renown for.

Its tiring sometimes, trying to change yourself for the better when it seems almost as if that's the way I'm meant to be.

But where's the hope in life if you're resigned to what you are now? That's depressing.

As an additional note, to all those out there pissed/upset/irritated/put off at me, you will find your honesty towards me responded to with appreciation and thanks. (unless of course you're wrong and being a real bitch).

Because I'm so damn bloody sensitive, it is DAMN OBVIOUS to me when someone's attitude towards me has changed.