Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Mid Term Wrap Up.

I know it's not exactly halfway through the internship yet.. or maybe it is... whatever the case, the kiddos in Singapore are having a holiday and it DOES make me feel like half a term/sem/waaaaahever is up.

So, being in an unusually chirpy and boucy (??) mood, I'm gonna do a midterm review of sorts.

(Hate that word: Review: makes me feel like I'm starting some government statutory board to review another board which is in the process of evaluating.... yadayada)

Ok, I'm bounch and chirpy BECAUSE I actually dragged my lame sorry-ass out of my bed at 7-fucking-30 am in the morning to do indoor exercise, under strict orders of my temporary personal fitness instructor in Singapore, Jocelyn. And because I had that INSANE workout (it's the toning that killed me Joce, not the cardio) I had to take a bath.

And since I had already done one insane thing, which was to drag myself out of bed at that totally un-Jessica-like hour, I thought i'd add on to the list by taking an ice-cold bath.

Results: Half and hour late for work, and irritatingly chirpy and bouncy.

I realised that I've been digressing.

Anyhoos, Yixin/Gwen has just left this morning for a 10-day hiatus in Singapore. The poor girl might as well be making a trip on behalf of the office, seeing how many damn errands she has to run for the people here. It's not their fault really, since this damn place doesn't process slide film anymore, and doesn't sell black and white photo paper.

But still, thank god i'm not going back. I'll be irritated like FUCK if i had to spend half my holiday doing these things. And of course, that makes me selfish... and really i'd like to defend myself but there's no way around it. So ya, selfish lor.

(who's that idiot in school that cracks a joke about "where do you go and 'sell-fish'"?)

Have I even begun to wrap up yet? Hmmm okok let's see. I'm now working in AV section, which i will trying my very darn best to wriggle out of, because of several reasons:

1. Working with Malu does not exactly elicit sunshine-on-the-plains-rain-on-my-shoulders happy-fuck emotions from me.

So actually, it's not several reasons, just two.

And, I'm very very sorry to say this, but the people are getting weirder.

Correction: We have noticed an increase in the amount of erratic behaviour amongst our local acquaintances.

Thankfully, it's still "concentrated" among just a handful of people, but it does make me do my deadpan-face but eyes-bigbig kinda look. this statement does beg for more elaboration, but I shan't.

And, another thing that has been happening that is getting a bit on my nerves, is how countless people have been approaching me to say: "Oh so Gwen's leaving? What are you going to do?"

I still don't have an answer for that, other than.. "The same thing i've always been doing?"

"Oh but you'll be alone! How are you going to manage??"
"Erm.. no I won't."

I wonder how many of them actually stopped to consider that I've been "alone" for the past two and a half months without so much as a whimper of complaint. But the irritating thing is that they almost seem to be expecting some sort of pathetic response like, "Oh ya I know... HOW HOW HOW what am i going to do? *whine*"

Topu told me i'm being overly sensitive, and that people are just being concerned. But ISN'T THAT PRECISELY the whole point? What is there to be concerned about?

My chirpiness is wearing off.

But other than tht, I still like this place. I think being more settled has allowed me to develope more "in-depth" emotions like irritation and very focused forms of dislike, but on a whole... I like it.

I still do get homesick though, but not without a trigger of some sort. An unexpected photo or phonecall, sighting Singaporean/Chinese things randomly.

Which makes me think, Guiqing, that our whole escapism idea (the one where u cut off all contact forever and ever) will work. Because with nothing to remind you of your memories, you only have your future to think about.

And just randomly thinking the other day, about how people are always saying not to dwell on your past and look into the future. And if you think of it as a time-line of sorts, where X marks the present spot, and to the left is all your "past", and to the right your "future".. doesn't the amount of "future" decrease with each day?

Such that when you die, you're left with nothing but your past.

And this could mean either of two things:

1. The past is of immense importance because that's all your're left with
2. The past doesn't mean fuck shit because even though that's all u're left with, you're gonna be dead soon enough.. and so it really doesn't mean fuck shit = thus, it's the future that counts.

I know I don't make sense.


mangomaiden said...

Gosh, you're ricocheting off the walls now aren't you? Glad to hear that the workout is taking its effect and giving you all the energy you need (and more). Wish I could say so for myself - not exactly practising what I preach but pouring my energies into other endeavours. *sigh* Say No to patronizing fucktwits!