Saturday, July 01, 2006

Highs and Lows

What a strange day.

Overjoyed and exhilarated to the point of tears at a chance meeting of two friends I thought I'd never run into again because after Darren and I broke up I basically steered clear of everything (and everybody) that reminded me of him.

It included a visit to their house that I had spent hours in sipping wine/coffee, yelling during games of Taboo and admiring the beauty that is a golden retriever.

Such an unexpected revisitation to things that I used to love proved to be a much too emotional experience - more so than I had expected it to be.

And in the same breath of time, as if it wasn't already enough that I was wiping back tears just watching the damn dog run around me in circles, I had to find out that Darren had gotten married just the week before.

"Better that you find out from me this way, than from someone else."

I could probably list a million ways which it could've been better, but he did have a point.

It is difficult to wrap my mind around something like this, and I don't even know where to begin or how to start dealing with it. Anger? Sadness? Bitterness? Did I not deserve at least a phone call? Apparently not.

But Anger has no place in these circumstances, and as much as my mind and heart vehemently resists doing so, I wish him all the happiness that he would ever deserve and more, and I thank him for the experience of what it feels like to be utterly dispensable.