Monday, July 31, 2006
Cat 11:34 pm
Cat asked me today why I still insisted on locking her up at home. Surely her evilness would have proved itself worthy of a release by now, she said.
Ah, I replied, but it is precisely your perniciousness that has created an obsession within me, and alas, you will never be free.
She sulked all day, constantly mumbling under her breath something about me already having taken her ovaries.
I wanted to correct her, and tell her if I had known the process would've involved the complete dispossession of said internal organs - I would never have put her through it. My naivety had assumed it simply meant some snipping or tying up of tubes.
But she just sat there staring at me, and I thought maybe the old saying about ignorance and bliss would work in my favour in this case.
Besides, I really don't know how she would react to that piece of information, and there's only so much I can do to guard myself against her.
I really like how her looks are so deceiving. Little paws, neatly folded under her fuzzy, furry chest. Quite dainty, really. Yeah, ninjas are pretty dainty too.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Hiatus. 9:46 pm
No thanks to a MSN conversation a couple of days earlier, I've been constantly feeling jealous when I remember that whilst I'm running in the rain frantically trying to organise a shoot - Lars is somewhere in the mountains breathing fresh air and feeling alive.
Of course, I can feel alive right here too but the grass is always greener on the Norwegian mountainside.
Am off Mon-Wed. Will be trying my best to leave country. See You All.
Home. 12:11 am
Our very last National Day Parade at the National Stadium which will be torn down at the end of the year. Ironically, also my first "official" NDP. I've attended a few before, but I don't recall when or what happened - so it doesn't really count.
The Stadium's got some real character. Rotting wooden benches, melting track, Peeling paint and utterly dirty insides. There's no doubt that its old and worn, and yet I remember it always having been this way.
At some point during the parade, they will show a short video commemorating the place. Some sorta nostalgic, thank-you-for-the-memories piece.
Its all very morbid to me, something along the lines of holding the funeral for a dying man and saying his eulogy in front of him - before he actually dies.
"We know you're gonna go soon, and we just want to tell you you've been great!"
I try to ignore that clip - it really pisses me off.
I'm a real sucker for the whole NDP package. The crowd, the songs, the flags... Its really something to step out onto the tracks and see the entire stadium filled. I sing along to the stupid propaganda songs - and I like it.
I've liked it so far, 3 Previews and counting, maybe because the official guests aren't here. Now its just us having a bit of fun by ourselves. Private party. The head honchos only show for the real thing, and in a weird way I kinda wish they wouldn't come. Then it becomes their party - if you know what I mean.
Ah when I put up this picture, I know this is the part where I'm getting emotionally carried away. Because when I see kids, I think about what kind of Singapore they will live in when they grow up, and what parts of Singapore they will lose to get there.
Probably doesn't help that I'm listening to Home - by far the best theme song (as many others have said). Never knew all the songs and videos were available at Sing Singapore.
So I watched a couple, and I found it interesting that the video for Home has Kit Chan sitting in a room watching old movies. Its very nostalgic, most of the clips are of her as a kid running about Singapore.
And when you contrast that to the more recent stuff - which are by far much more "modern" because it includes a lot of stuff about technology, economy - the whole thing about moving ahead - it makes sense why I like that song the best.
If they ever ask me, I'll tell them that having nice nostalgic clips in National Day videos is NOT a good propaganda strategy.
You can't remind people of the good old days when you keep destroying stuff from those good old days. It just pisses people off.
I could never be a politician. I wouldn't know how to move ahead for the good of a country. I'd selfishly keep everything the way it was. In fact, regression may not be such a terrible thing. Then my kampong of a country will die off from the international economic scene and we will all have chickens and ducks with no fear of bird flu since we no longer engage in international trade.
Ah. That would be home, surely.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Happy Feet 11:47 am
Or watch the better quality trailers here, here and here.
Trash-talking, reggae-lovin', street-styled penguins? Oh lord!
"Kiss our frozen tushy. Kiss it Kiss it!" *Jess rolls over dead with laughter*
Friday, July 28, 2006
Larssssssssssss 10:12 am
LARS I dreamt of you last night! Wearing a bloody thick winter coat lugging that bag and camera and everything.
You were too busy on the phone to talk to me.
Get your ass down here.
I told you it was fugly.
More pics to folllow.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
How do you even pronounce "asshat" and "meme"?
I actually love playing this "would you rather this or that" game so everything here is something that have been discussed and debated at length with like-minded inane people.
- I'd rather be a Vampire from Anne Rice's novels than the Highlander (eternal-living fictional characters)
- I'd rather be caught enthusiastically dancing to Mambo than puking outside Zouk (alcohol-related embarassing moments).
- I'd rather be Elaine from Seinfeld than Cristina from Grey's Anatomy (on screen bitches)
- I'd rather have a unicorn tattooed on my forehead than a Smurf (tattoo dares)
- I'd rather play the piano than the guitar (musical preferences)
And because I have no one to tag (other than the first one), since most those who read this either don't have blogs or hide behind invisible anonymous masks of cowardice:
- Lee Kuan Yew
- J. B. Jeyaretnam
- Chee Soon Juan
- Low Thia Kiang
Well, they do have websites.
Word of the Day : Plebeian 7:38 pm
Witness! The Stare.
Everytime I tell people that my cat is evil, they think that I'm trying to be cute. Well, I'm not. She really is, and I know you don't know her, but she hates you already. I'll prove it if you have time to drop by her lair.
I think she channels all the Dark Sides of Me.
I don't know what I channel from him.
Penchant for random and un-funny remarks perhaps?
We picked up the fugly gown and hat today from Serangoon Broadway.
"Wah lau you open up one next door lah! Serangoon Sideway! Undercut their price!"
6,500 students will be graduating. Assuming 500 don't go/don't want to go/not able to go, that damn place makes a grand total of $210,000 from selling fugly gowns and hats.
Not to mention all the suckers they will convince to fork out a couple of hundred for photos with fake books and bookshelves and globes.
As dad said, "Wah lau, so big picture for what. Later argue already then still have to see each other's faces in the hall sure damn pek chek."
I read Pres Su's Convocation Speech online, cos, ya know, he might have a gem or two to guide a young soul like me. Check out this sentence:
"We emphasize a broad based education and a multi-cultural character consonant with the cultural mosaic of Singapore and the rise of Asia."
Alliteration is all the rage these days. Its amazing! I can't even read it out loud.
I think I could rap it though.
In case you are wondering why I'm in a good mood - SPH upped my pay. Kao-bei-ing pays off.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Uninspired. 11:31 pm
Because, ya know, this is a traditional and prestigious and once-in-a-lifetime ceremony and god forbid you actually be comfortable during those couple of hours.
Its going to be so much fun, I can hardly wait.
The Effect :
And its Cause:
Either way, its totally awesome! This month, I wrote intelligent and insightful reports on ninjas, movies and my ex-boyfriend. Such perfect academic material! Lucky bastards you!
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Heartland Subversion - NDP@Simei 12:27 pm
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Irked 3:29 pm
Ok, unfortunate for me. He seems perfectly happy.
Top on the list is probably a hangover from the Days of Malu : Acting like you're the busiest and most over-worked person on the planet when we all know you don't do fuckshit around here.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Re-cycled 11:04 pm
So fine, yes I liked the movie. But for confusing me, I ain't pitching anymore.
I wish they had done away with the reality part, and just went straight into the main story. Then they could've extended the land of the abandoned theme.
A couple of years back, I walked down this road in Sengkang (when the estate was still spanking new) on the way to give tuition. It was a long, straight road, flanked on both sides by nearly identical HDB blocks.
I suppose there was a slope, because I couldn't really see where the road ended, it just seemed to stretch on and on.
And there and then, I had an image flash before me, as if someone had cast a veil over my eyes and added on in an instant what time would add in years and years.
I suppose the best description of what I saw would be post-apocalyptic. A slight greenish tinge over the sky and everything else. The road strewn with vines and grass that had creeped out of once well-manicured mini gardens. Creepers and various plants snaking out over balconies and windows, down the side of the flats, almost, but not completely, covering up the cracks and peeling paint in the walls.
It was vivid then, but I suppose the details have faded over the years. I still strongly believe that one day the place will really look exactly like how I had seen it then.
Baaaaaah. I'm so grouchy from the fruitless online search I'm going to go sleep.
Monday, July 17, 2006
A dream I almost had 11:08 pm
Someone came up to me against the light, and I imagined his silhouetted lips moving when he said, "You know, we could talk forever." Strange, because I hadn't spoken in years.
Outside, the incessant chatter became louder. First a slight metallic clatter, and then a bang of wooden furniture thrown across the floor. The walls began to shake.
"I knew it would come to this," he said loudly, to no one in particular, leaning against the far end of the room furthest away from the shaking doors. I wondered why no one else went to stand with him, he cut such a lonely figure under the lamp.
Above the doors, light began to emerge from the cracks in the roof. Tiny hands appeared, eagerly peeling back the pieces of metal that had already been shredded. As the beams hit the floor, I realised that I had been utterly betrayed.
He leaned over and whispered, "You see, I was right all along."
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Yet another one from the will-never-see-the-light-of-print collection.
Collecting cans at Shenton Way.
Obese poochie. Been seeing a lot of those recently, for some strange reason.
And why I feel like screaming at my neighbours. I probably would - if I knew which one was responsible for this. Land of 4 million smiles my ass - not if you're our rubbish cleaner. Whatever. Angst angst. So pissed. ARGH.
Spain is coming along. Barcelona, to be exact. It is all very tentative and strange and not set in concrete terms which frustrates me because I want to yell out in joy and run around and start getting ready asap - but I have to control myself in the event of eventual disappointment.
If I do get this, if it checks out to be legit, if I can gather the guts to say Yes with finality - it will be so soon that I will be knocked emotionally senseless by the whirlwind of saying goodbyes. So in two weeks I'll either be here, or not.
I looked at Low Thia Kiang and all the other WP people today at the event and for the first time I really asked myself - am I a quitter? What did these people have to sacrifice for what they believed in? Ah it doesn't matter, I'd go anyway.
[UPDATE: You know the part above where I said "if it checks out to be legit"? Yeah well. It didn't. Seeya guys around.]
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Ninja 11:06 pm
Frankie came back from Melbourne for a while. Strange 'ol Frankie who I never really spent time with but we always make believe and behave as if we did anyway. Maybe its a Saggi thing. Doodling together in our uniforms in the canteen, making all the girls happy with his candied words.
And oh. I may be moving to Spain.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
So Say We All : I Am Singaporean 11:04 pm
Strangely enough, I had just returned home from shooting NDP rehearsal at the Stadium. I never want to apply for tickets or turn up for the event. Even when I watch it on TV its just background noise. But to be on the field surrounded by thousands... oh that's something different.
I have compiled a list of sentences from every single IAMSINGAPOREAN blogpost/podcast (so far). Click on the sentence to read the full post.
"Just like how spaghetti is always spaghetti and not italian noodles,
bak chor mee will always be bak chor mee and not minced meat noodles."
"I walk the streets of Ann Siang, Chinatown, Little India and touch the dirty walls with paint peeling off revealing the wonderful and rich history of my island,
something no museum or textbook can do."
"I take the public transport.But due to rising cab fares, my 18mth old daughter have to be cruelly woken up at 7am so we can bring her by 3 trips of bus to the nanny."
"I have a Prime Minister AND a President...and a Senior Minister and a Minister Mentor.
I speak Engrand and JAVA, not English, and I pronounce it "flo-wer", not "flour"."
"i flew to Australia to further my studies, using dad’s HDB retrenchment package.
i realised my hokkien swearing skills are useless here.
And that “Kang Kong” and “Hang Hr” does not exist here.
Neither can i order “Or Lua” without the “Or” here."
"E-mails seemed to be like the cars on the CTE, always flooded.
Cabs to work will have to pass through 2 gantries."
"I like playing football, but my Mom told me, there's no future in playing football in Singapore."
"I love my flag, although I seldom see it around.
I am a Chinese, but my best friend is a Malay, and I think Indian girls are cute."
"My current wife is my fifteen year old Toyota Corrolla whom I named Peggy.
I hope to find my true love and closed my SDU account which I got when I graduate."
"I've recently returned to Singapore after living in London for 2 years.
I believe that imperialism and racism is well and truly alive, and that "the West" has absolutely no idea what a formidable force Singaporeans can be."
"I think I have freedom of speech as long as no one can hear me."
"I am Singaporean. I don't want to be one anymore.
I live in Singapore. I don't want to be in anymore.
I know the government term us as "quitters" but I do not care."
"It is with pride that I carry my Singapore passport when I travel around the world. I am always proud and eager to tell my foreign friends that I am Singaporean."
"I know the names of all the players in my favourite EPL team
but I have no idea who is in our National Soccer team."
"I pay property tax every year. I pay TV licence every year. I pay to ride the MRT every day."
"I was not born here but I hate COE like you do,
I only have 4 wheels from two of my bicycles.
I was not born here but I cycle to East Coast to enjoy the Sun, Sand Sea ...
altho i Know the beachs are fake..."
"I learnt how hard Indian and Bangladesh foreign workers work
when I was in reservist digging shellcrapes and command posts.
I now respect physical labour."
"I get angry when I see Sarong Party Girls and their angmoh boyfriends,
but I'm learning french and spanish so that I can bio ang moh char boh."
"I like my teh tarik with foam, but I also like my Saint-Emilion Merlot.
I like my prata telur bawang, but I also like my tenderloin steak medium-done."
"i am gay. i take drugs.
lots of drugs - paracetamol, claritin, dhasedyl and amoxyilin. is glucosamine a drug?
i have less sex than the average singaporean - less than 73 times a year.
wish i could do better though. not good to pull down the national average.
wait, is gay sex included in the national average?"
"I met my boyfriend 4 years back and I still love him very much.
I am considered a pervert, pedophile and etc. just because I am attracted to men."
One of those which really struck a chord:
"I am pro-life, but I was taught how to kill when I was 18.
When I was born, my mom was scolded by the nurse because she didn't stop at 2. "
Also in Mandarin by Cloudywind
And in Cantonese (and one of my favourites) is Stan And Ryan's.
[ decided not to translate because it doesn't quite do the original justice ]
And of course, the ones who started it all:
"I love the national flag, but I don't always put it up when I'm asked to."
"I can speak good English but nabeh I curse more effectively with dialect."
"I am mrs brown. My name is Ginny, and I am a Singaporean."
Friday, July 07, 2006
No love lost 12:06 am
Strangely enough, I haven't felt hungry at all - a first since I have been finding it hard to rein in the glutton monster in me these past few days.
But still! It is good. And fun. Like-minded people very hard to come by these days.
Mark let it slip (accidentally, I think) what the other esteemed people in my previous institution had to say about me. Or rather, the questions that they asked him about me. What happened to the promising Dean List-er?? What a shame.
In my intoxicated state (which I am still in, unfortunately) all I wanted to say is Fuck Them.
Seriously, them and all their impossible standards and ridiculous definitions of success.
"Is this too self-reflective?" Mark asked.
It isn't, because I already know the answer to the questions.
I do not, for a moment, regret any of the mistakes I have made and the bad choices I have chosen. I am glad that As and Bs no longer meant anything to me as the years went by, and the attainment of education took priority over the comprehension of useless information. I am proud that I now only give respect to those who have earned it, and that age, titles and paper qualifications do not mean anything anymore. I am glad that I have failed, because the taste of it is an experience which will teach me a lesson for the rest of my life. Its like a slap in the face - you gotta feel it to understand it.
And that said - boy, am I glad to be out of that place.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Highs and Lows 2:55 am
Overjoyed and exhilarated to the point of tears at a chance meeting of two friends I thought I'd never run into again because after Darren and I broke up I basically steered clear of everything (and everybody) that reminded me of him.
It included a visit to their house that I had spent hours in sipping wine/coffee, yelling during games of Taboo and admiring the beauty that is a golden retriever.
Such an unexpected revisitation to things that I used to love proved to be a much too emotional experience - more so than I had expected it to be.
And in the same breath of time, as if it wasn't already enough that I was wiping back tears just watching the damn dog run around me in circles, I had to find out that Darren had gotten married just the week before.
"Better that you find out from me this way, than from someone else."
I could probably list a million ways which it could've been better, but he did have a point.
It is difficult to wrap my mind around something like this, and I don't even know where to begin or how to start dealing with it. Anger? Sadness? Bitterness? Did I not deserve at least a phone call? Apparently not.
But Anger has no place in these circumstances, and as much as my mind and heart vehemently resists doing so, I wish him all the happiness that he would ever deserve and more, and I thank him for the experience of what it feels like to be utterly dispensable.