Wednesday, May 09, 2007


"Or had he run to painting in an attempt to deliver himself from the knowledge that you are born to live and you die instead?"
- Everyman, Philip Roth

I hadn't finished a good book in a long time. Hell, I don't even think I've actually read a book in months. But the book was a gift, and it came highly recommended so I stuck with it. Initially tedious, since I'm not usually a fan of memoir-types, having started out with Stephen King and John Grisham, I have a tendancy to prefer my books fast-paced.

But it ended up with me reading on the steps of the MRT station, getting up only when the shutters were coming down, and devouring the last page while standing motionless in the middle of the pavement under a street lamp.

Last night, I fell asleep in the middle of reading. I think that's one of the basic pleasures of life that I seldom have a chance to enjoy. You're hardly in the mood to read when you're exhausted.

But the book is good, though slightly depressing. I don't deal well with philosophical insights on death and mortality. Not recently, since I've been thinking about Jesse and Yen.

I'm restarting the gym visits after a two-week hiatus. On Monday I ran till I felt as if my lungs were going to give out, and when I stopped five minutes before the usual quota there were those tell-tale white spots in my vision that made me think I might collaspe. If there's anywhere less embarassing to have a fainting spell than in a gym and on a treadmill - well I'd like to know.

It was probably because I only had two hours of sleep the night before, and today's session went much better. No white spots, at least.

Gave myself an undeserved treat and watched 28 Weeks Later. I enjoyed it thoroughly, because in spite of my inability to cope with death and such, I actually enjoy it on the big screen. People can be so strange sometimes. There's a line someone told me recently, about how people deal with their fears by turning them into fantasies. I guess this must be it.

A movie experience for me requires three things. One, a sweater because I don't like being cold when I can be warm. Two, a drink. Three, centre seats as close to the screen as possible without having to strain my neck and eyes.

So today's was perfect because I had all three.

One the way to the MRT station after the movie, I saw a couple that had just finished shopping at Carrefour, carrying a couple of shopping bags each. The man was Caucasian, in his early 40s I reckon. The woman, a petite Chinese in a green dress, probably around mid-30s, although I know she'll be insulted if she knew I guessed that.

The man wanted to take enter the MRT station, presumably to take the train. He turned and started up the steps, only to stop midway because of something the woman was saying to him.

I couldn't really hear her words, but I did hear those she repeated emphatically, as if saying it more would make it more true.

"I'm tired."Pause. Repeat.

The man replied, gesturing towards the station. The woman scowled, and kept walking slowly towards the main road while continuing to talk and repeating those two words again and again.

At one point, she stopped and looked him sternly and scowl-wingly and said, "I'm TIRED" in a way that was suppose to end the argument.

Her scowl was horribly irritating. It did end the argument, and I suppose they went off to hail a cab.

Maybe they just had a fight. Maybe she has a leg conditon that makes it painful for her to be on her feet too long. Maybe she just got fired or had a dose of bad news.

Let's hope she has her reasons, because if a woman as unpleasant as that can find someone to tolerate her, I can't even begin to wonder what's wrong with me.

Oh! Did I just say that! Here we go, the wallowing!

I'm kidding. No wallowing. I just read a book about a man who died with nothing after having everything, so I should be allowed to muse for a bit.

And that is not a plot giveaway, I assure you.


gopi said...

fwahh..i got bitched at quite often...

panaphobic said...

Yeah and you allowed it to happen.

gopi said...

yep i did.ain't i a sucker..well i can only bitch abt it now..