Friday, July 06, 2007

Pardon the angst

Been on an angst rampage of late, and although there is a long list of reasons, I'd much prefer to just not talk about it because hey, guess what, its better now.

The importance of maintaining status quo aside, there's just too much scattered-ness in my head to write anything thematic.

I do have to do a half-hearted shout out to ask if anyone is looking to adopt a kitten?

I sent out an SMS appeal about a week and a half back. A couple of interested ones, but none who could take it immediately.

I found her, as how I seem to find all my cats, on my way home and completely by accident. My mother received a phonecall from the resident cat lady who asked if we could go take a look because she wasn't free, and I had a small ball of dread in my stomach because i just knew what was going to happen.

And really, this one didn't leave us any choice either. Hiding in some corner under a table and trying to stay away from the claws of the resident cat (who's very cute and all but quite a monster).

I didn't know what to make of this one. Her ears are too big, her eyes are too "not cute" and after her bath and meal - she was too hyper and I now wake up in the middle of the morning because of her constant bouncing-here-and-there-and-everywhere and she usually lands up on my face during a couple of those leaps.

The two cats are now used to her, it's been almost two weeks after all, and I didn't make the mistake of SHOCK AND AWE like I did the last time (with very disastrous results).

The main problem now is I don't know how to talk about them because I don't have proper names for them. I can't use the Big Cat/Small Cat dichotomy anymore. Small Cat is now Fat Cat. So now we'll have Old Cat, Fat Cat and New Cat. They're all my bitches.

Fat Cat is still extremely wary, and prone to stupid hissing-then-running. Old Cat, no doubt learning from past experience that the young 'uns are not worth her energy, have been playing it quite cool. I love her.

So yeah, she's been with us too long and I think I just may be able to keep her without the parents kicking up a fuss.

But just in case, does anyone want her?

New Cat

I had a camera phone pic of her that I used to try and "sell" her to my colleagues. They asked "do you have a nicer pic? Where she looks cuter?"

Ok, I'm not letting her go to anyone who adopts kittens based on how "cute" they are. I'll tie a fucking ribbon in her hair, how about that?

New Cat

I love Fat Cat too, but I think she's a bit stupid. This is what I call the Blank Stare.

This one? Oh she's above criticism.


Two days after Ishi's death, my Mom came home and started to tell us (again) about a colleague of hers. A year younger than me, incredibly fucked up life as far as fucked-up-lives as concerned. My mom's at her wit's end, and it seems no amount of talking is doing any good. Relationship problems, personal problems etc etc. I suppose my mom's just worried because no one should be able to live like this, and many people choose not to, after a while.

And I didn't know what to tell her. And I went to sleep.

I'm not thinking about Ishi because I don't know what to think. I don't know him well at all, and I guess I just didn't want to think about it. Mental resistance.

I went to work the next day and wanted to listen to a song that I had heard in bits and pieces elsewhere but didn't know what it was. I searched for it on youtube, and I just think it's fucking ironic how things turn out sometimes, because the song was this one.

And I listened to it and read the lyrics.

And then I went online and searched and searched. I wrote down a long list of hotline numbers and phone numbers and addresses of places that offered free counselling services, and I went home to give it to my mom.


Nick said...

hey jess... hope u are doing fine man! it's been a while since we met up... let's have some cold ones together soon k. btw, i love the cats!