Saturday, August 04, 2007


I used to know the answers to my own questions. Most of the time, anyway.

I don't think it has been particularly difficult in knowing what to do, it was just doing-it part that was tough.

So I switched jobs although I didn't really want to because I knew it was the right thing to do. I haven't regretted that decision yet, although I do pine and whine. I went to NTU and I did this and did that, went here and travelled there - and really, I don't think I've had to make any sort of difficult choices.

Because you run on instinct, and instinct usually gives you only one answer. It's just a matter of whether you want to take it up.

But there is always a first time for everything.

My instincts are all silent right now. For once, I think I really don't know what I should do.

I always talk about leaving this place. I knew it was just a matter of time, but I guess I never expected the opportunity to come so soon. I never expected having to tally the losses, what i would be leaving behind.

I always wanted to go back to Bangladesh. I kept my eyes and ears peeled for potential jobs. Who would've thought one would just fall in my lap?

And who would've thought that the day would come when I would finally have to actually think about money?

My father has already made it clear he would not support me on this choice. Who would've thought the day would come when I actually cared what my father thought?

A year ago, I would've made the choice easily. There was nothing to hold me back. I can't believe how much has changed, and how clueless I've become.

I don't know lah.