Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Heartbreak

The beautiful thing about my jobs now is that I spend my time helping people. I teach, I reach out to people that no one has reached out to, I make my little contribution to making the world a fairer place.

Is that cotton-fluffy enough for you yet?

But it is a beautiful thing, and it is frustrating as you slowly discover just how damn difficult things can be. My worries and problems have always been about me. Not enough time, not smart enough, not enough discipline etc.

I will never understand what it is like to have problems that I can't do anything about.

The only female student in my class revealed today that she had been out of sorts all day and uncharacteristically gloomy because her parents are trying to force her into marriage. At the age of 21, she's not about to give in without a fight. "What can I do?" she said rhetorically.

But she held back her tears and she tried to contain her anguish under a sweet smile and tried to reassure me, another female just barely older than her and a girl will never understand what it is like to be a girl in this country, that "I will manage. No problem, I will manage." And I can just barely begin to fathom what she has had to manage in her life.

And I have been corresponding painfully with a photographer in Africa, and I can't imagine how he translates my English but Google Translate is taking care of his letters in French.

I will never understand what it is like to be in his shoes, but I have to try my best to anyway. Lost images taken by European agencies with no way of getting it back, no fucking internet unless at a cafe and really I don't want to know how much they charge for it there. And yet, a talented photographer that has exhibited at Noordelicht, no less, but still in this same shitty condition.

This is a heartbreaking business, but I'm quite glad and willing to have my heart broken this way.

3 comments:

Ghim Lay said...

glad to read about your experience :) reminds me that there is really so much more out there

mangomaiden said...

It's how you choose to lead your life i guess...

Anonymous said...

jia you la!

pong