Wednesday, June 25, 2008

To Buddha and Back

Last night I wrote and deleted (again) some long confessionalisque post about a very horrible thing I had done. Remember what I said about projecting anger and frustrations? Yeah I kinda hit rock bottom with what I did yesterday. I deleted it because I wasn't sure if my attempt at honesty was a poorly-disguised lunge at absolution.

Anyway, you'd think I'd be allowed to wallow in my shame a little. The day after, as I sat on the rickshaw on the way to the office, I kept chiding myself for what happened. I've got to chill. Stop taking things personally. Take the higher ground. Ignore. What would Buddha do?

It was good I was thinking about all those things, because at that moment a bus full of teenage boys passed my rickshaw and whup! - a tightly-balled up ball of newspaper hit the side of my head. The loud laughter and jeers continued even as the bus went on its way, all of them peering out from the back window to see how I would react.

I didn't, of course. I was channeling Buddha on the outside, but my god, my mind realised a new state of viciousness then.