I Will Not
Today on Earth Day we are celebrating by making promises
But I will not
I will not stop throwing paper on the ground.
I will not stop using plastic bags
I will not go to clean the beaches
I will not stop polluting
I will not do all these things because I am not polluting the world
It is the grown-ups who are dropping bombs
It is the grown-ups who have to stop
One bomb destroys more than all the paper & plastic that I can throw in all my life
It is the grown-ups who should get together and talk to each other
They should solve problems and stop fighting and stop wars
They are making acid rain and a hole in the ozone layer
I will not listen to the grown-ups!
[Student of class five of Karachi High School on Earth Day 1991].
*wistful smile*
I desparately wanna go. Just a few days shy of the festival... nevermind. I'm sure Shyam will have a good time. I am deliciously delighted at how many times the word "resistance" and "activism" appears on the Drik webpage.
Have had my medical checkups. Have done the visa. Have kinda figured out that even if I don't get to exercise and curry can be fattening after awhile I will be dropping pounds like crazy because of all the weight I will lose by wearing long pants and long sleeves in the tropical weather.
Will be leaving after Christmas though. They're too busy with Chobi Mela to bother with us as of yet... and now all I can think is
How on earth am I going to remember their names????
I have a big problem with Islamic names... i can't pronounce it and I can't remember it. At least it's not Tamil names. I can't even comment on that because I can very honestly say I don't know any at all - other than the abbreviated versions.
Am sitting in ACRC, a lot of construction work going on.. was kinda hoping for a crash course in Bengali from Shyam, but I think the teachers are all not around today. Aw shucks. I think the teachers should just combine all their damn books into a separate library. What's the point of keeping all those stuff behind their closed doors??? As if they have time to read them at work... All the expensive, good stuff you can't find elsewhere also...
Am tempted to borrow this book I found in ACRC... "Forging Peace - Intervention, Human Rights and the Management of Media Space" It looks good... but just not in the mood for another problem-from-hell-kinda info overload... I wish books weren't so heavy (physically). It's just paper leh, why the hell do they have to weight so much???????
I love how I'm making so much sense.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 29, 2004
I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
It's kinda nice. Makes you feel warm and fuzzy. But really can't help but make people say "erm. yeah. right. whatever."
It's kinda nice. Makes you feel warm and fuzzy. But really can't help but make people say "erm. yeah. right. whatever."
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Inadequecy.
My arm hurts like fuck.
No thanks to one of three vaccinations I had to get before leaving. I'm not sure if this is the tetanus or typhoid - either way it hurts like hell and it's been two days. Bloody fuck.
It's barely a week after my exams and already I'm vegetating. Obviously the useless arm is of no help, but some serious cramps.
Oh my god.
I HAVE turned into armlessgirl. Though I left those days behind me when I dumped ICQ.
Anyway, I'm getting tired of reading. I fear I may pick up a chick-book after Forster's plotless short stories. Bridget Jones' Diary was very entertaining, although depressing because I realise now that if reality is anything like the one depicted in the book - I will fail and fail again because, as I've said before, I cannot play by the rules.
Plus have been doing too much mindless blog- and friendster-surfing. This is disgusting, my bum is going to become permanently flat soon.
And yet, because irony is the spice and dice of life, I actually have a lot of things to do. Have you ever wished that there were two of you? Minus harrowing doppelganger scenario.
Ran into very yummmy Neil Murphy in NIE on my last day of school, and sometimes I just wish I had enough guts to ask people out for drinks. Yes he's married with a kid but I'm not exactly looking for THAT kind of relationship if you know what I mean. I just feel quite fed up when interesting people flit in and out of my life and I just don't have the guts to make them stay still.
I mean, the guy stayed in Israel till it got too dangerous for his family... teaching English and stuff. When I asked "Are you Irish?" He said "Unfortunately so." Plus the fact that he smokes means he CAN'T be that much of a prude. And he disses NIE and NTU all the time!
Wow I'm turning into Bridget. Curse that movie/book I'm really starting to resent it in a weird way.
He's hot property though, if my NIE friend has anything to say about it. Married with kids, this is what she said when I told her it seems as if she had some sort of a puppy-love crush on him. "Puppy love? Please, so juvenile. I'll be his bitch."
Wow. Ok.
Next step - find out age and horoscope.
Wish he were female. So can ask him out without anyone thinking wrongly, especially him. Wow a chat about Middle Eastern politics, Irish history, literature - I could drink all night. Maybe I'm thinking too much, and should just do it. My conscience is clear after all.... ah shucks.
I'm feeling a bit sucky that my own boyfriend spends more time with his best friend and girlfriend than me. And its my own fault. Starting to re-experience very very very familiar thoughts that I thought I'd left behind after the previous one.
I have to compromise, because I know if I have to make a decision, I will always choose myself over anything else. I am selfish like that, but most of all because the belief that "i owe no one anything and I can't depend on anyone for anything" has been hammered down a bit too hard and the dent hurts sometimes. I still haven't forgiven Nick for making me choose, even though it was my choice in the end, because not everything is Yes or No. There's compromise.
Which reminds me of a conversation I had with my dad, okay okay it was an argument, when he accused me vehemently of always wanting "to go against the norm". Bangladesh of all places! And that hurts, because I have been accused by those i love of trying too hard to be different, when i'm just trying to be myself.
"why is it that everything that is not going WITH the norm, is going AGAINST it? The world isn't black and white pa, there are thousands of shades of grey, and you know it."
He didn't have much to say after that, and I felt scared, that I had told my dad something he should have yet didn't known. And I don't like to think that I have taught him something and ended up making him feel stupid and old because he is my dad and I always want him to think that he's better, smarter, wiser and that I need him more than he needs me.
I feel very grateful to all those who have supported my Dhaka trip. Which is, almost everyone I know, with a few very disappointing exceptions. I can't make people feel and think the way I do, but because I know I can't do that, and I don't expect to do that, people shouldn't expect me to feel and think the way they do either. Which is a phenomenon that happens too much. Since when has giving support been so difficult? I will never put down another person's dreams again
No thanks to one of three vaccinations I had to get before leaving. I'm not sure if this is the tetanus or typhoid - either way it hurts like hell and it's been two days. Bloody fuck.
It's barely a week after my exams and already I'm vegetating. Obviously the useless arm is of no help, but some serious cramps.
Oh my god.
I HAVE turned into armlessgirl. Though I left those days behind me when I dumped ICQ.
Anyway, I'm getting tired of reading. I fear I may pick up a chick-book after Forster's plotless short stories. Bridget Jones' Diary was very entertaining, although depressing because I realise now that if reality is anything like the one depicted in the book - I will fail and fail again because, as I've said before, I cannot play by the rules.
Plus have been doing too much mindless blog- and friendster-surfing. This is disgusting, my bum is going to become permanently flat soon.
And yet, because irony is the spice and dice of life, I actually have a lot of things to do. Have you ever wished that there were two of you? Minus harrowing doppelganger scenario.
Ran into very yummmy Neil Murphy in NIE on my last day of school, and sometimes I just wish I had enough guts to ask people out for drinks. Yes he's married with a kid but I'm not exactly looking for THAT kind of relationship if you know what I mean. I just feel quite fed up when interesting people flit in and out of my life and I just don't have the guts to make them stay still.
I mean, the guy stayed in Israel till it got too dangerous for his family... teaching English and stuff. When I asked "Are you Irish?" He said "Unfortunately so." Plus the fact that he smokes means he CAN'T be that much of a prude. And he disses NIE and NTU all the time!
Wow I'm turning into Bridget. Curse that movie/book I'm really starting to resent it in a weird way.
He's hot property though, if my NIE friend has anything to say about it. Married with kids, this is what she said when I told her it seems as if she had some sort of a puppy-love crush on him. "Puppy love? Please, so juvenile. I'll be his bitch."
Wow. Ok.
Next step - find out age and horoscope.
Wish he were female. So can ask him out without anyone thinking wrongly, especially him. Wow a chat about Middle Eastern politics, Irish history, literature - I could drink all night. Maybe I'm thinking too much, and should just do it. My conscience is clear after all.... ah shucks.
I'm feeling a bit sucky that my own boyfriend spends more time with his best friend and girlfriend than me. And its my own fault. Starting to re-experience very very very familiar thoughts that I thought I'd left behind after the previous one.
I have to compromise, because I know if I have to make a decision, I will always choose myself over anything else. I am selfish like that, but most of all because the belief that "i owe no one anything and I can't depend on anyone for anything" has been hammered down a bit too hard and the dent hurts sometimes. I still haven't forgiven Nick for making me choose, even though it was my choice in the end, because not everything is Yes or No. There's compromise.
Which reminds me of a conversation I had with my dad, okay okay it was an argument, when he accused me vehemently of always wanting "to go against the norm". Bangladesh of all places! And that hurts, because I have been accused by those i love of trying too hard to be different, when i'm just trying to be myself.
"why is it that everything that is not going WITH the norm, is going AGAINST it? The world isn't black and white pa, there are thousands of shades of grey, and you know it."
He didn't have much to say after that, and I felt scared, that I had told my dad something he should have yet didn't known. And I don't like to think that I have taught him something and ended up making him feel stupid and old because he is my dad and I always want him to think that he's better, smarter, wiser and that I need him more than he needs me.
I feel very grateful to all those who have supported my Dhaka trip. Which is, almost everyone I know, with a few very disappointing exceptions. I can't make people feel and think the way I do, but because I know I can't do that, and I don't expect to do that, people shouldn't expect me to feel and think the way they do either. Which is a phenomenon that happens too much. Since when has giving support been so difficult? I will never put down another person's dreams again
Unbearably inane
I just typed a lot. Like 100000 words. Then technology failed me.
Summary: Haven't been doing much, but still possess ability to talk a lot about nothing although now no more energy, wish didn't buy so many books, hope to read all of them, er ST layout still sucks.
Heh.
Summary: Haven't been doing much, but still possess ability to talk a lot about nothing although now no more energy, wish didn't buy so many books, hope to read all of them, er ST layout still sucks.
Heh.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
keyless, keylet, keyhere
Almost lost my keys today. But I didn't. End of story.
Am going to curl up with a good book, Foster's Passage to India, no less, obviously i chose it for a reason LAH.
But I wonder why such classics always take so long to warm up... compared to more contemporary stuff. Always gotta force myself through the beginning before i like it. Don't all writers want a good start? Or is literary excellence just good writing, not a good story?
Am going to curl up with a good book, Foster's Passage to India, no less, obviously i chose it for a reason LAH.
But I wonder why such classics always take so long to warm up... compared to more contemporary stuff. Always gotta force myself through the beginning before i like it. Don't all writers want a good start? Or is literary excellence just good writing, not a good story?
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Monday, November 15, 2004
Yes, Fortune is a stumpet. (correction: strumpet)
Everything this past few weeks everything has boiled down to the few elements, the "whore-sisters" as we can call them - Fate, Fortune and Chance.
And who else to turn to but the ultimate fatalistic writer of our times... Shakespeare.
Shakespeare, as I was discussing with someone, is so much better enjoyed if you're forced to cram it down your throat. Otherwise, who the hell has so much patience to try and understand everything??
From the play about the man who talks to much - Hamlet.
And who else to turn to but the ultimate fatalistic writer of our times... Shakespeare.
Shakespeare, as I was discussing with someone, is so much better enjoyed if you're forced to cram it down your throat. Otherwise, who the hell has so much patience to try and understand everything??
From the play about the man who talks to much - Hamlet.
and blest are those
Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled,
That they are not a pipe for fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please.
Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament;
Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident.
This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange
That even our loves should with our fortunes change;
For 'tis a question left us yet to prove,
Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love.
Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled,
That they are not a pipe for fortune's finger
To sound what stop she please.
Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament;
Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident.
This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange
That even our loves should with our fortunes change;
For 'tis a question left us yet to prove,
Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love.
Mmmmmm. I did try re-reading Hamlet, but all the messy notes really screwed it up for me.
But still, I'm very intrigued by all this kind of eternal questions...the ones that Shakespeare raised without answering, the ones that Kundera tried to take over in exploring, but still ultimately the ones which will never be answered. I just like the sensation of surrounding myself with them... I like how they have no answers. I like how, no matter how hard people try, they can never be simplified. We all, myself included, try too hard to simplify things sometimes.
Postmodernist wet-dream haha.
I wanna take the postmodernist course they have at NIE... but I heard that the supposed wet-dream becomes a horrific leather-and-whips scenario of which you are an unwilling participant... think 316 Ivan Kwek style. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
------------------------------
I don't care how scatter-brained Tekwani is, he's such a sweetie! Thanks to him, I now have CONFIRMED accomodation in Dhaka for 6 months... AWwww.... don't have to pack my sleeping bag which I was planning to use when I am sleeping in the office haha.
Is it just me or do all the nicest males fall under the "nice 'ol grandfatherly" category? Does it take THAT long for men to realise the virtues of being nice? I refuse to concede that it's because I wear a skirt. Don't burst my bubble.
------------------------------
Thanks for the present JOO. =)
Birthdays
Ya Pong. Cos I was thinking November babies are Scorpios. So...
Well, since it's almost december anyway, here's all the saggis I can remember.
Happy Advanced Birthday to: Ghimlay, Munpong, Yihui, Choosin, Hwee Seah...
And as I keep thinking... the Capricorns are coming soon.. So happy birthday to Renee, Benny and Stella!
Wah ok dunno how many i left out... sorry to the others my memory is bad.
Well, since it's almost december anyway, here's all the saggis I can remember.
Happy Advanced Birthday to: Ghimlay, Munpong, Yihui, Choosin, Hwee Seah...
And as I keep thinking... the Capricorns are coming soon.. So happy birthday to Renee, Benny and Stella!
Wah ok dunno how many i left out... sorry to the others my memory is bad.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Sorry Everybody
Xiaxue's best blog entry because she talked about this website which I have been hooked onto for hours so far.
381 pages, 10 pictures a page, each containing a message from someone apologising for the 2004 Amercian Elections.
I think it's very heartwarming.
www.sorryeverybody.com
381 pages, 10 pictures a page, each containing a message from someone apologising for the 2004 Amercian Elections.
I think it's very heartwarming.
www.sorryeverybody.com
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Stop the countdown
I'm not counting down anymore, because I haven't fixed the date yet
I shouldn't blog, because I've a bad case of pms... And I won't.
Happy birthday to all the November babies... Swee, Jasmine, Ishi, Raymond... I'm sure I missed out someone...
Nevermind, take care all.
I shouldn't blog, because I've a bad case of pms... And I won't.
Happy birthday to all the November babies... Swee, Jasmine, Ishi, Raymond... I'm sure I missed out someone...
Nevermind, take care all.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
38 days: Pulp
Books give me a high. I don't know why. I rhyme!
Guiqing is a sweetie. But I she would so smack me if I said that in front of other people. She bought me an advanced bdae present which I was gonna buy myself if she hadn't beat me to it. Great minds think alike eh?
Am grinning like a stuck idiot now. Thanks bitch.
Anyway, this book caught my eye at Amazon... and I don't know how else to describe the cover by er... delicious? It's not a hint guys, I'm not THAT bad. Anyway I've 10,000 other things I need more.
Amazon.co.uk Review
Take 10 internationally renowned curators and ask them to choose 10 of the world's best photographers: the result is Blink, a stunning Phaidon book containing hundreds of beautifully reproduced photographs by acclaimed photographers from all over the world. A "snapshot of the world of contemporary photography", Blink brings together curators as diverse as Marcelo Brodsky, Alasdair Foster, Shino Kuraishi and Simon Njami to introduce and write about "the kaleidoscope of ideas, approaches and techniques that is photography today".
I have had nothing but good things happen to me today. I feel as if it's already my birthday or something. No... 313 paper wasn't phenomenally easy... Not forgetting I was 10 mins late... as I seem to be for ALL my GEs nowadays... just that haha got that present, got the best paper left to study for (lit), going to drink tonight, two nice fat books on Bangladesh waiting for me to devour, a spanking good grade for my 316 essay which I just think I kinda deserve because I really worked till 6 am for two days and nights in a row with minimal sleep getting that damn thing done.
Hiyah, sweeping transiance of happiness that can take me whole.
Guiqing is a sweetie. But I she would so smack me if I said that in front of other people. She bought me an advanced bdae present which I was gonna buy myself if she hadn't beat me to it. Great minds think alike eh?
Am grinning like a stuck idiot now. Thanks bitch.
Anyway, this book caught my eye at Amazon... and I don't know how else to describe the cover by er... delicious? It's not a hint guys, I'm not THAT bad. Anyway I've 10,000 other things I need more.
Amazon.co.uk Review
Take 10 internationally renowned curators and ask them to choose 10 of the world's best photographers: the result is Blink, a stunning Phaidon book containing hundreds of beautifully reproduced photographs by acclaimed photographers from all over the world. A "snapshot of the world of contemporary photography", Blink brings together curators as diverse as Marcelo Brodsky, Alasdair Foster, Shino Kuraishi and Simon Njami to introduce and write about "the kaleidoscope of ideas, approaches and techniques that is photography today".
I have had nothing but good things happen to me today. I feel as if it's already my birthday or something. No... 313 paper wasn't phenomenally easy... Not forgetting I was 10 mins late... as I seem to be for ALL my GEs nowadays... just that haha got that present, got the best paper left to study for (lit), going to drink tonight, two nice fat books on Bangladesh waiting for me to devour, a spanking good grade for my 316 essay which I just think I kinda deserve because I really worked till 6 am for two days and nights in a row with minimal sleep getting that damn thing done.
Hiyah, sweeping transiance of happiness that can take me whole.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
39 days: homophobicphobic?
Does that make me as bad as them? Twice as intolerant? *sigh*
There is a reason for posting the pictures. Because, I came across the first one attributed for the first time, and though a war shot is cliche, this one is cold, brutal, uncensored and pure because its meaning does not lie in its composition, but its content. The second one's effect is lost here, because what u need to see is the expression on the face of the corspe in the middle of the pile, staring straight at u as it did at me when I saw it as a full-page picture, the way it can single you out at once and hold your gaze. This site might make it clearer.
All of a sudden, it occured to me today the real reason why I took an interest in photography. Journalism has all but lost its charm for me, through a multitude of reasons, beginning first of all when I was with The Straits Times. And as you study news, and get more critical of its content, its potential for manipulation becomes almost impossible to ignore or justify.
Photography is but an alternate channel in which I have found it possible to channel the same passion, albeit in a what I think is a less crude, more refined form.
Sure, I am aware of the manipulations occuring behind the lense. But unlike journalism, where sometimes (most of the time actually) integrity is not enough, photos offer me a channel that promises me the possibility of purity.
Photography is still untainted for me. I have not once had to question my work and my motivations. This perception will likely change overtime, like how journalism changed for me. It is also equally likely that journalism will portray itself in a more redeeming light in the future which will restore for me the lustre lost in the chaos of the newsroom I have experienced so far. Somehow, I do not think that working at a wire, an alternate explanation I have entertained, would have had very different results, but I could be wrong.
----------------------------------------
Ladislav Bielik, taken in Bratislava, Slovakia on the 21st of August 1968.
The published picture was cropped to show the man's face upclose.
Fast forward to 1989, Tiananmen Square. Think the second photo should be quite commonplace now, but somehow this photo remained rather elusive. Same pose, same intention. It's surreal. I am honoured to have found the uncut version here. To me, this photo is so much more powerful than the cropped version.
Fast forward to 1989, Tiananmen Square. Think the second photo should be quite commonplace now, but somehow this photo remained rather elusive. Same pose, same intention. It's surreal. I am honoured to have found the uncut version here. To me, this photo is so much more powerful than the cropped version.
Margaret Bourke-White, German Citizens forced to march through
Buchenwald to face their nation's crimes, 1945.
Buchenwald to face their nation's crimes, 1945.
There is a reason for posting the pictures. Because, I came across the first one attributed for the first time, and though a war shot is cliche, this one is cold, brutal, uncensored and pure because its meaning does not lie in its composition, but its content. The second one's effect is lost here, because what u need to see is the expression on the face of the corspe in the middle of the pile, staring straight at u as it did at me when I saw it as a full-page picture, the way it can single you out at once and hold your gaze. This site might make it clearer.
All of a sudden, it occured to me today the real reason why I took an interest in photography. Journalism has all but lost its charm for me, through a multitude of reasons, beginning first of all when I was with The Straits Times. And as you study news, and get more critical of its content, its potential for manipulation becomes almost impossible to ignore or justify.
Photography is but an alternate channel in which I have found it possible to channel the same passion, albeit in a what I think is a less crude, more refined form.
Sure, I am aware of the manipulations occuring behind the lense. But unlike journalism, where sometimes (most of the time actually) integrity is not enough, photos offer me a channel that promises me the possibility of purity.
Editors cannot tell you how to frame your shots. That, to me, is by far the most compelling reason. After that, it's all up to the person holding the camera. I need that control.
Photography is still untainted for me. I have not once had to question my work and my motivations. This perception will likely change overtime, like how journalism changed for me. It is also equally likely that journalism will portray itself in a more redeeming light in the future which will restore for me the lustre lost in the chaos of the newsroom I have experienced so far. Somehow, I do not think that working at a wire, an alternate explanation I have entertained, would have had very different results, but I could be wrong.
--------------------------------------------
In a bid to resume the kind of utopic life I had envisioned after the exams, I flew through Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera. It took me awhile to warm up to the book I was supposed to have finished reading about a year ago, but I am glad I stuck with it past the first quarter, because this is one of the finest literary pieces I have ever read.
I say that without the ability to offer a concise practical criticism of the techniques employed, except the assurance that this is one of the rare books with the ability to make you REALLY forget where you are. It is akin to watching a movie, if you get what I mean. And it is not because of the description, but more of the simple honesty that has been channelled into te author's attempt to tell a story. I cannot remember the last time I was so effortlessly lost in prose.
Thank you Neil Murphy for forcing me to buy a book I would never have purchased for myself for the simple reason that it contained that four-letter-word in its title.
I say that without the ability to offer a concise practical criticism of the techniques employed, except the assurance that this is one of the rare books with the ability to make you REALLY forget where you are. It is akin to watching a movie, if you get what I mean. And it is not because of the description, but more of the simple honesty that has been channelled into te author's attempt to tell a story. I cannot remember the last time I was so effortlessly lost in prose.
Thank you Neil Murphy for forcing me to buy a book I would never have purchased for myself for the simple reason that it contained that four-letter-word in its title.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
42 days: Chris Rock
Chris Rock rocks.
Quotable quotes from his stand up comedy skit:
"Men lie the most, and women tell the biggest lies. Men, we lie all the time, it's damn near a language. We lie all the time, you know a man's lie is like "I'm in the house" a woman's lie is like "it's your baby"."
"Do you know what men want? Food, sex, silence. Feed me, fuck me, shut the fuck up. Our goals seem very attainable don't they?"
"Women are the biggest liars. Look at you, you're all fucking liars, you you you you. You're all liars. You're the visual lie. You got on heels, you ain't that tall. You got on makeup your face don't look like that. You got on a wonderbra on and your titties ain't that big. Everything about you is a lie, and you expect me to tell the truth? Fuck you!"
Quotable quotes from his stand up comedy skit:
"Men lie the most, and women tell the biggest lies. Men, we lie all the time, it's damn near a language. We lie all the time, you know a man's lie is like "I'm in the house" a woman's lie is like "it's your baby"."
"Do you know what men want? Food, sex, silence. Feed me, fuck me, shut the fuck up. Our goals seem very attainable don't they?"
"Women are the biggest liars. Look at you, you're all fucking liars, you you you you. You're all liars. You're the visual lie. You got on heels, you ain't that tall. You got on makeup your face don't look like that. You got on a wonderbra on and your titties ain't that big. Everything about you is a lie, and you expect me to tell the truth? Fuck you!"
43 days: It feels almost over
Can't bring myself to study. Feel stupid studying for 311 really. Browsed through stuff, but that's it. Will probably regret it tomorrow, but that's something to worry about tomorrow.
I've been addicted to the "Next Blog" button on blogspot... it's amazing the kind of stuff you can find out there once you move away from the local Singaporean uni-students circle.
Been reading:
honestpartisan (35 yr old lawyer in Brooklyn)
What I've seen:
Landed in a young dude's site... was amazed at how religion was so much a part of his life, don't see it often here.. and then saw he was from Texas. Thanks for helping me rid myself of stereotypes.
Some German lady who loves to knit.
Someone's very uplifting letter to kerry "Mr. Kerry, we are listening, we pray that you are listening, and we believe in US!".
A japanese rapper living in the City of Angels who talks about God.
And... believe it or not, that button led me to someone's blog, and I read the line "Tomorrow..or rather, 8 hours and 43min to 221 paper" and I think... no waaaaaaaaayyyyyy... and yup.. landed in some yr 2's site.
A fellow young journalist in New York.
Someone called Allison who writes nicely "allisonramblings". A term I read off "injury to awake ratio" which I think would be very applicable to me. Excerpt:
I've never felt this way about blogging before... it's fucking awesome how it's delivering the promise of the internet.
I've been addicted to the "Next Blog" button on blogspot... it's amazing the kind of stuff you can find out there once you move away from the local Singaporean uni-students circle.
Been reading:
honestpartisan (35 yr old lawyer in Brooklyn)
What I've seen:
Landed in a young dude's site... was amazed at how religion was so much a part of his life, don't see it often here.. and then saw he was from Texas. Thanks for helping me rid myself of stereotypes.
Some German lady who loves to knit.
Someone's very uplifting letter to kerry "Mr. Kerry, we are listening, we pray that you are listening, and we believe in US!".
A japanese rapper living in the City of Angels who talks about God.
And... believe it or not, that button led me to someone's blog, and I read the line "Tomorrow..or rather, 8 hours and 43min to 221 paper" and I think... no waaaaaaaaayyyyyy... and yup.. landed in some yr 2's site.
A fellow young journalist in New York.
Someone called Allison who writes nicely "allisonramblings". A term I read off "injury to awake ratio" which I think would be very applicable to me. Excerpt:
"I am voting for Bush. Stop yelling at me. I would rather have a leader who is more conservative than I am. I also believe that the position of President of the United States of America holds less importance than most people believe. The president really doesn't have control over as much as we think that he does. Here's my real problem with politics today: no one's allowed to have a difference of opinion. If someone comes out as a Bush supporter in a liberal area, they are assumed to be stupid and backwards. I am neither. I have no strong anti-Kerry agenda. If he wins, he wins. But please, Kerry people, stop saying that anyone who's voting for Bush must be ignorant. I'm not ignorant. It's called a difference of opinion and that is what makes our country so great. We can be of different minds, but still both be right."
And someone's blog had a link to this Iraq News Spoof - it's amusing, quick to download too.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
44 days: This is terrible news
In a rather pensive mood, but not thinking about anything in particular. Think it's because of the music. Maybe I just feel kinda vulnerable, that's all.
Speaking of which, I have to say that NSync's This I Promise You is my favourite boyband track.
Don't laugh lah, boybands and their songs can be considered as separate entities sometimes.
It's nice to see a friend in love, or having a crush. It's nice to hear people say all these unconditionally wonderful things about other people. How every little thing they say or do is so great and wonderful.
I'm envious. Who doesn't want to be worshipped like that?
But i know it doesn't last. It only happens at the beginning.
I'm just feeling kinda sad, that the only times I hear that kind of things said about me from someone that I love, is after I've stopped loving them, and when we're no longer together. Or how those words suddenly disappear after we get together.
Am I being demanding? I don't know. I just know this is how I feel right now.
Don't wait people. If you love someone, tell them everyday. It's bullshit when they say it means less when you say it more. Say it if you mean it, and if you mean it, it doesn't matter how many times you tell them. They deserve to hear it.
This game has no rules.
I've already sort of concluded I cannot play the game with all its rules. I'm incapable of plotting, scheming, planning. I can't try to be someone I'm not. If I miss you, I'll say it. If I'm thinking of you, I'll say it. But the more I say it, the more it's taken for granted. But can I stop saying them? Why should I?
All this doesn't matter, in the larger scheme of things. But on this late night, when I'm sitting in my room alone, and Sinatra is playing, when I suddenly have this overwhelming sense of smallness, it does seem to mean something.
Speaking of which, I have to say that NSync's This I Promise You is my favourite boyband track.
Don't laugh lah, boybands and their songs can be considered as separate entities sometimes.
It's nice to see a friend in love, or having a crush. It's nice to hear people say all these unconditionally wonderful things about other people. How every little thing they say or do is so great and wonderful.
I'm envious. Who doesn't want to be worshipped like that?
But i know it doesn't last. It only happens at the beginning.
I'm just feeling kinda sad, that the only times I hear that kind of things said about me from someone that I love, is after I've stopped loving them, and when we're no longer together. Or how those words suddenly disappear after we get together.
Am I being demanding? I don't know. I just know this is how I feel right now.
Don't wait people. If you love someone, tell them everyday. It's bullshit when they say it means less when you say it more. Say it if you mean it, and if you mean it, it doesn't matter how many times you tell them. They deserve to hear it.
This game has no rules.
I've already sort of concluded I cannot play the game with all its rules. I'm incapable of plotting, scheming, planning. I can't try to be someone I'm not. If I miss you, I'll say it. If I'm thinking of you, I'll say it. But the more I say it, the more it's taken for granted. But can I stop saying them? Why should I?
All this doesn't matter, in the larger scheme of things. But on this late night, when I'm sitting in my room alone, and Sinatra is playing, when I suddenly have this overwhelming sense of smallness, it does seem to mean something.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
45 days: Stupid Americans
Was gonna blog about a lot of other stuff, but of course, when an Ass lands back in the white house, it kinda hogs all the headlines, including this blog.
Ya lor. I wonder what kinda congratulatory msg Ah Hsien will send him.
"Hey congrats on your second term! Hope I'll be able to do the same... but should be able too lah, since we're so similar cos our fathers help us."
OOPS! *covers mouth* I'm going the way of the AWSJ-bird....
Ya lor. I wonder what kinda congratulatory msg Ah Hsien will send him.
"Hey congrats on your second term! Hope I'll be able to do the same... but should be able too lah, since we're so similar cos our fathers help us."
OOPS! *covers mouth* I'm going the way of the AWSJ-bird....
----------------------------
Here are random stuff which I encountered recently:
- Arachnoism - theory applicable to human behaviour, which states that an initial benefit is worth more than subsequent losses. A spider which catches a lot of food at one spot will not move even if that spotis constantly under attack from curious eyes, rain and wind. Similarly, a human being which encounters something really good will not change his or her mind even if that good starts to seem too good to be true. Can be applied to relationships and studying spots.
(there's an economics term for this which i forgot)
- Babbie's Babble - who said CR is boring... pong's cr text is the best i've read ever...
Excerpts from the ass-kicking glossary section:
(in spirit, not accurate)
"deduction - that of a duck"
"induction - act of stuffing a duck"
"regression line - a pick up line used which involves asking "hey, wanna know about my past lives?"
"lambda - that of eweda and ramda"
WORSE?
- worse - There are three ways in which to articulate the word "worse" (Lim, M. P. , 2004).
"worse"
"Woooorse"
"Woorrrrrrsssssssse????????"
Economies of Studying/Shit - the loss faced by an individual when he or she does more and more studying. Also linked to decreasing marginal utility whereby the amount of information absorbed is negatively correlated to the amount of pages read so far.
Oh my god what is wrong with me. I am totally WORSE.
I've killed 3 ants and 3 mosquitos in a bid to watch a spider spin its deadly silk.
I usually can't kill ants (moquitos attack, they deserve it) when they're not bothering me because my conscience bothers me, but well, all in the name of science.
Oh, and you just simply can't study when u're feeling sad.
- Arachnoism - theory applicable to human behaviour, which states that an initial benefit is worth more than subsequent losses. A spider which catches a lot of food at one spot will not move even if that spotis constantly under attack from curious eyes, rain and wind. Similarly, a human being which encounters something really good will not change his or her mind even if that good starts to seem too good to be true. Can be applied to relationships and studying spots.
(there's an economics term for this which i forgot)
- Babbie's Babble - who said CR is boring... pong's cr text is the best i've read ever...
Excerpts from the ass-kicking glossary section:
(in spirit, not accurate)
"deduction - that of a duck"
"induction - act of stuffing a duck"
"regression line - a pick up line used which involves asking "hey, wanna know about my past lives?"
"lambda - that of eweda and ramda"
WORSE?
- worse - There are three ways in which to articulate the word "worse" (Lim, M. P. , 2004).
"worse"
"Woooorse"
"Woorrrrrrsssssssse????????"
Economies of Studying/Shit - the loss faced by an individual when he or she does more and more studying. Also linked to decreasing marginal utility whereby the amount of information absorbed is negatively correlated to the amount of pages read so far.
Oh my god what is wrong with me. I am totally WORSE.
I've killed 3 ants and 3 mosquitos in a bid to watch a spider spin its deadly silk.
I usually can't kill ants (moquitos attack, they deserve it) when they're not bothering me because my conscience bothers me, but well, all in the name of science.
Oh, and you just simply can't study when u're feeling sad.
----------------------------
Where has Jess been?
Where has Jess been?
Here's a list of where I've studied, just in case i forget, which i'm likely to do.
Year 1, Sem 1: Hall 9 Canteen
Year 1, Sem 2: Hall 9 Canteen, and Hall 9 room
Year 2, Sem 1: Hall 12 room, CS benches
Year 2, Sem 2: Hall 7 room, Darren's place
Year 3, Sem 1: Hall 7 room, CS benches, NIE, Darren's place
I seem to be diversifying my choices. Exam periods are usually very eventful for me. Stuff always happens.
I like studying, because I usually enjoy the content, but ONLY AND ONLY IF I have enough time to do so leisurely. Which is never. Which means right now, I don't quite like it. Rushing has never been my thing.
Good luck hor everybody, and myself.
Year 1, Sem 1: Hall 9 Canteen
Year 1, Sem 2: Hall 9 Canteen, and Hall 9 room
Year 2, Sem 1: Hall 12 room, CS benches
Year 2, Sem 2: Hall 7 room, Darren's place
Year 3, Sem 1: Hall 7 room, CS benches, NIE, Darren's place
I seem to be diversifying my choices. Exam periods are usually very eventful for me. Stuff always happens.
I like studying, because I usually enjoy the content, but ONLY AND ONLY IF I have enough time to do so leisurely. Which is never. Which means right now, I don't quite like it. Rushing has never been my thing.
Good luck hor everybody, and myself.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
50 days: Irate Savant
He calls his blog the Bitter Reflections of an Undiscovered Genius. I think that kinda puts everything into perspective, doesn't it? (Yes it's a he. Who said women were more capable of whining?)
Anyone in the mood for a lot of angst and griping and verbal diarrhoea will want to take a trip to his blog:
iratesavant.blogspot.com
Not too sure i'm publicising his blog. It's an interesting read, of course, and he knows that. I suppose such unabashed displays of self-indulgent anger are hard to come by these days, in a society that preaches understanding along to the tune of "its a small world after all".
He's likely to take pride in his elitist ways, but I may be too quick to judge. He's awfully good at that though - judging. But I suppose people read it for the tragic element. It's a singapore thing - we can't stand seeing resources go to waste.
Sure you're smart, but are you happy? But he says happiness belongs to the ignorant, which he isn't. I think he has to redefine his definition of ignorance. Intellectual knowledge is not quite enough in most cases. But I guess his goal in life is the former, happiness was told to take a hike somewhere along the way and Bitterness slid onto the seat next to him.
Go on and read it!
Anyone in the mood for a lot of angst and griping and verbal diarrhoea will want to take a trip to his blog:
iratesavant.blogspot.com
Not too sure i'm publicising his blog. It's an interesting read, of course, and he knows that. I suppose such unabashed displays of self-indulgent anger are hard to come by these days, in a society that preaches understanding along to the tune of "its a small world after all".
He's likely to take pride in his elitist ways, but I may be too quick to judge. He's awfully good at that though - judging. But I suppose people read it for the tragic element. It's a singapore thing - we can't stand seeing resources go to waste.
Sure you're smart, but are you happy? But he says happiness belongs to the ignorant, which he isn't. I think he has to redefine his definition of ignorance. Intellectual knowledge is not quite enough in most cases. But I guess his goal in life is the former, happiness was told to take a hike somewhere along the way and Bitterness slid onto the seat next to him.
Go on and read it!
50 days: Kissing a Fool
I'm blown away by George Michael. It's amazing. Never really listened through a collection of his songs, but... oh man.. woah.
How much more romantic can you get?
But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other,
Guess what. I'm in the Chron room again. Although I think this is likely to be the last time I have to stay here overnight, I have realised by now that there is a mysterious power of the Chron room that always makes me end up there again against my own will.
Talking about the topic of having crushes with two friends just now made me think about my own "crush history".
I have a terrible history. I have a reputation amongst my close friends, and i suppose now anyone reading this, for developing crushes as easy as breathing.
Ok, maybe I exaggerate, but I certainly seem to have very low standards for having crushes. Obviously, this is what my friends say. I don't think I've low standards, just different tastes that's all, and the fact that i'm not too demanding.
My emotions are fragile, I change my mind quickly. But the thing that i think attracted me most was this unexplainable internal quality of character. Of course, I had my frivolous crushes on the so called "cute" guys, those crushes were entertainment at best. Everyone knew it was a joke. And then, there were those which made me fall into some semblance of depression.
I don't think I'm capable of doing the same thing again. It was just emotional immaturity on my part. The only reason why I can talk about it is because I know it'll never happen again.
This is why i'm so sceptical of infatuations. It's easy to spot. The person having the infatuation does not know the object of his infatuation. Knowing doesn't mean being acquainted, a few verbal exchanges are not enough to know a person, and we all know that. Most of the time though, you can tell when you ask the person "why do you like him/her" and they say "i don't know, i just do".
I'm sceptical because i've had so many, and they all end terribly. Terrible not because they found out, or because my friends made a fool of me. Because I find out I've been wasting my energy and time on someone who wasn't what i thought he was. They always end up less than what I thought they were, substandard, an inferior duplicate of the person I thought I'd like.
People can be so deceiving. Guiqing and I came to the conclusion, that it's only a matter of time that the "promising guy" reveals his terrible flaw. And it's true. Not a single male that we have thought as having "potential" have ever lived up to that. Well, Cenite did, unless you count his sexuality. But it doesn't matter to us, as I think everyone knows haha.
Why am I typing this at 5 am in the morning? I don't know.
It's all George's fault. Listening to his song made me weepy whiny wishy washy emotionally vulnerable etc.
Sigh, but who can blame me? Just to reemphased my point
But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other.
I think it's the concept of surrendering entirely that cuts me. The lyrics could not be more perfect, seriously. Surrending only happens when you have complete trust, complete love, you cast aside your female pride and ego (which i have too much of), you fall into the typecasted role of a woman because you have given up yourself completely. It is because I know how difficult it is to do this, how rare it is to ever find someone you will want to surrender to. And the word "man". It's so common, simple, and yet it has so many connotations. You know they say, a good man is hard to come by? It's not true, it should be "a man is hard to come by". There are jerks, idiots, boys, dudes, guys and then, men. Its a person who's everything rolled into one, someone who knows what he wants in life, knows who he is, knows his flaws and strengths, someone not afraid to apologise, someone understanding, loving and kind, respects you, someone with ego and pride, someone who is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in.
I can't believe the number of cliches I just typed out. Doesn't matter, it's all true, that's how they became cliches.
And on we go with the random train of thoughts.
How much more romantic can you get?
But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other,
Guess what. I'm in the Chron room again. Although I think this is likely to be the last time I have to stay here overnight, I have realised by now that there is a mysterious power of the Chron room that always makes me end up there again against my own will.
Talking about the topic of having crushes with two friends just now made me think about my own "crush history".
I have a terrible history. I have a reputation amongst my close friends, and i suppose now anyone reading this, for developing crushes as easy as breathing.
Ok, maybe I exaggerate, but I certainly seem to have very low standards for having crushes. Obviously, this is what my friends say. I don't think I've low standards, just different tastes that's all, and the fact that i'm not too demanding.
My emotions are fragile, I change my mind quickly. But the thing that i think attracted me most was this unexplainable internal quality of character. Of course, I had my frivolous crushes on the so called "cute" guys, those crushes were entertainment at best. Everyone knew it was a joke. And then, there were those which made me fall into some semblance of depression.
I don't think I'm capable of doing the same thing again. It was just emotional immaturity on my part. The only reason why I can talk about it is because I know it'll never happen again.
This is why i'm so sceptical of infatuations. It's easy to spot. The person having the infatuation does not know the object of his infatuation. Knowing doesn't mean being acquainted, a few verbal exchanges are not enough to know a person, and we all know that. Most of the time though, you can tell when you ask the person "why do you like him/her" and they say "i don't know, i just do".
I'm sceptical because i've had so many, and they all end terribly. Terrible not because they found out, or because my friends made a fool of me. Because I find out I've been wasting my energy and time on someone who wasn't what i thought he was. They always end up less than what I thought they were, substandard, an inferior duplicate of the person I thought I'd like.
People can be so deceiving. Guiqing and I came to the conclusion, that it's only a matter of time that the "promising guy" reveals his terrible flaw. And it's true. Not a single male that we have thought as having "potential" have ever lived up to that. Well, Cenite did, unless you count his sexuality. But it doesn't matter to us, as I think everyone knows haha.
Why am I typing this at 5 am in the morning? I don't know.
It's all George's fault. Listening to his song made me weepy whiny wishy washy emotionally vulnerable etc.
Sigh, but who can blame me? Just to reemphased my point
But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other.
I think it's the concept of surrendering entirely that cuts me. The lyrics could not be more perfect, seriously. Surrending only happens when you have complete trust, complete love, you cast aside your female pride and ego (which i have too much of), you fall into the typecasted role of a woman because you have given up yourself completely. It is because I know how difficult it is to do this, how rare it is to ever find someone you will want to surrender to. And the word "man". It's so common, simple, and yet it has so many connotations. You know they say, a good man is hard to come by? It's not true, it should be "a man is hard to come by". There are jerks, idiots, boys, dudes, guys and then, men. Its a person who's everything rolled into one, someone who knows what he wants in life, knows who he is, knows his flaws and strengths, someone not afraid to apologise, someone understanding, loving and kind, respects you, someone with ego and pride, someone who is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in.
I can't believe the number of cliches I just typed out. Doesn't matter, it's all true, that's how they became cliches.
And on we go with the random train of thoughts.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
52 days: The Beautiful People wants to be Close To You
A curtain of blue threatens to break across the sky just as the last strands of starlight whimpers away....
BLEAH.blahblahblah
According to Mr Mac, it is 6.47am. I just spent a night's worth of 311, Marilyn Manson and the Carpenters (hence the hybrid title) with Guiqing in the room which has seen too much of us at our worst - the Chron room.
Ah well. Guiqing looks like she's going to collaspe at any moment. But i feel fine. Perky even.
Which brings me to my next point - Shark Extra is WAY better than Red Bull. Serious! Taste better too.
Which makes me wonder, who would win in a fight? The Shark or the Bull? Hmmmmmmmm. Its a bit difficult to reconcile the two animals, I know.
RecommendedConsumption of the Shark Extra drink is 2 CANS A DAY. Wow. Its as if it knew.
And i'm wondering, in a fight, who would win? Marilyn Manson or the Carpenters? Hmmmmmmm the anorexic woman won't be of much help, unless she has nails. But then again Manson don't exactly look like Mr. Fitness either.... plus he's missing that rib. Ah whatever. But I think a Manson-Carpenter act would be just ROCKIN' man.
Wow. Shark Extra is really damn good! Look at how irritatingly incoherant and perky I am! I am inclined to use even more exclaimation marks!!!!!!!! Plus drank it like four hours ago. I wonder if its the "nicotinamide". Means if I smoke now... i'll just jump all over the place?
BLEAH.blahblahblah
According to Mr Mac, it is 6.47am. I just spent a night's worth of 311, Marilyn Manson and the Carpenters (hence the hybrid title) with Guiqing in the room which has seen too much of us at our worst - the Chron room.
Ah well. Guiqing looks like she's going to collaspe at any moment. But i feel fine. Perky even.
Which brings me to my next point - Shark Extra is WAY better than Red Bull. Serious! Taste better too.
Which makes me wonder, who would win in a fight? The Shark or the Bull? Hmmmmmmmm. Its a bit difficult to reconcile the two animals, I know.
RecommendedConsumption of the Shark Extra drink is 2 CANS A DAY. Wow. Its as if it knew.
And i'm wondering, in a fight, who would win? Marilyn Manson or the Carpenters? Hmmmmmmm the anorexic woman won't be of much help, unless she has nails. But then again Manson don't exactly look like Mr. Fitness either.... plus he's missing that rib. Ah whatever. But I think a Manson-Carpenter act would be just ROCKIN' man.
Wow. Shark Extra is really damn good! Look at how irritatingly incoherant and perky I am! I am inclined to use even more exclaimation marks!!!!!!!! Plus drank it like four hours ago. I wonder if its the "nicotinamide". Means if I smoke now... i'll just jump all over the place?
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Exhausted
I am not joking, exaggerating or whining when I say I have never been so exhausted in my life.
301
311
312
313
Somebody help me.
301
311
312
313
Somebody help me.
54 days: Revelation is Revolution
Haven't managed to finish Jack Kerouac's On the Road.. sorry Zoe... maybe i shld get the hard-cover version with like a font size twice as big as the one i've got now... but at any rate, the quote still makes sense, with or without a distinguishable plot.
But in response to someone else's musings on the ego-fying of society and its individuals today, I felt like reverting back to this phrase that, time and time again, makes itself relevant in countless of different situations:
But in response to someone else's musings on the ego-fying of society and its individuals today, I felt like reverting back to this phrase that, time and time again, makes itself relevant in countless of different situations:
"We have come to think of taking offence as a fundamental right.
We value very little more highly than our rage, which gives us,
in our opinion, the moral high ground. From this high ground
we can shoot down at our enemies and inflict heavy fatalities." - Rushdie
We value very little more highly than our rage, which gives us,
in our opinion, the moral high ground. From this high ground
we can shoot down at our enemies and inflict heavy fatalities." - Rushdie
Yes, yes that quote AGAIN. Every day, the forum pages of the ST reminds me of this damn quote. The last letters I read were on Sunday, with pple actually taking time to sit down, start the computer, log on/register to the ST webpage, type out what seems to be roughly 15 mins worth of thought, volunteer their private information, just t provide a twocentsworth (and yes, it doesn't get any more valuable than that) on what?
Beggars.
Or, more specifically, choosy beggars. Or, to include their point, what is the WORLD coming to when beggars are rude and vulgar to you and don't want your 5 cent coins? I don't know who to be more ashamed of, the writer or the ST for publishing this sorry excuse of a letter. What an UTTER waste of print space. Why can't they print Darren's letters which in my humble unbiased opinion, raises more pressing and controversial issues?
Hello? If you spend your life having to put yourself down and humiliate yourself by asking complete strangers for whatever coins they happen to feel like throwing down at you, if you have no where decent to sleep (some pple don't understand that bed and bedsheets are a luxury), if a food court $3 price tag is considered to steep.... i'd be one cranky motherfucker too man.
But that's not the point, the point is, Singaporeans expect way too much from each other. I can't believe my fellow singaporeans spit/allow their kids to pee in sink/talk loudly in cinema/have irritating ringtones on MRT !!!! This is a disgrace to my society!
You see how the perfectionist syndrome of the Lees have been transferred to us????
I mean, it's fine to gripe and complain. These are, after all, rather ugly sides of singapore which we could do without. But the manner of complaining infers a assumption that we have an innate right NOT to have to put up with these sides of Singapore. That they are the deviant, the abnormal, the sores that have been mysteriously imposed on our society by some alien force... they are NOT supposed to be here! What are they doing here?
Eh salah lah. We will have our freaks, our Quasimodos, our MJs of society... please stop talking about them as if you have a right to order them to disappear. They are PART of society. I can't help but think sometimes that these people would be very pleased with a Stepford-ish town. I propose Bukit Panjang. It already seems damn sterile to me, during my last visit there.
I am exhausted. But I am trying not to sleep. Because when I do, i won't awake till like 2pm tomorrow. Tonight, i shall:
1. look through 301
2. decide on 311
Sigh.
Beggars.
Or, more specifically, choosy beggars. Or, to include their point, what is the WORLD coming to when beggars are rude and vulgar to you and don't want your 5 cent coins? I don't know who to be more ashamed of, the writer or the ST for publishing this sorry excuse of a letter. What an UTTER waste of print space. Why can't they print Darren's letters which in my humble unbiased opinion, raises more pressing and controversial issues?
Hello? If you spend your life having to put yourself down and humiliate yourself by asking complete strangers for whatever coins they happen to feel like throwing down at you, if you have no where decent to sleep (some pple don't understand that bed and bedsheets are a luxury), if a food court $3 price tag is considered to steep.... i'd be one cranky motherfucker too man.
But that's not the point, the point is, Singaporeans expect way too much from each other. I can't believe my fellow singaporeans spit/allow their kids to pee in sink/talk loudly in cinema/have irritating ringtones on MRT !!!! This is a disgrace to my society!
You see how the perfectionist syndrome of the Lees have been transferred to us????
I mean, it's fine to gripe and complain. These are, after all, rather ugly sides of singapore which we could do without. But the manner of complaining infers a assumption that we have an innate right NOT to have to put up with these sides of Singapore. That they are the deviant, the abnormal, the sores that have been mysteriously imposed on our society by some alien force... they are NOT supposed to be here! What are they doing here?
Eh salah lah. We will have our freaks, our Quasimodos, our MJs of society... please stop talking about them as if you have a right to order them to disappear. They are PART of society. I can't help but think sometimes that these people would be very pleased with a Stepford-ish town. I propose Bukit Panjang. It already seems damn sterile to me, during my last visit there.
I am exhausted. But I am trying not to sleep. Because when I do, i won't awake till like 2pm tomorrow. Tonight, i shall:
1. look through 301
2. decide on 311
Sigh.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
56 days: Flights of Fancy
Birds are regaining my interest. Sparrows, mynahs, crows.... I'm increasingly amused by their countless antics.
I do have a certain sense of wariness about pigeons though. Maybe it's because they seem stupid. You know how they say stupid people are the most dangerous kind of people? Something along those lines.... its the seagulls in Finding Nemo... that same sense of doom when little brains are gathered together... This is quite an interesting concept... hmm....
Haha a quick google search on "stupid" + "dangerous" + "people" turns up this website: http://www.mentalsoup.com/mentalsoup/basic.htm
I do have a certain sense of wariness about pigeons though. Maybe it's because they seem stupid. You know how they say stupid people are the most dangerous kind of people? Something along those lines.... its the seagulls in Finding Nemo... that same sense of doom when little brains are gathered together... This is quite an interesting concept... hmm....
Haha a quick google search on "stupid" + "dangerous" + "people" turns up this website: http://www.mentalsoup.com/mentalsoup/basic.htm
The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity
Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.
<>A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.
The corollary of the Law is that:
A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit.
My god. It's actually a freakin' THESIS on the topic... with diagrams and all. Apparently done by a professor at UC Berkelely...
316 is getting to be very demoralising. I love the readings, I love the course, but goddamit this is the toughest module i've EVER taken. it does NOT help that I cannot differentiate between GEs and PEs.
Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.
A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.
<>A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.
The corollary of the Law is that:
A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit.
My god. It's actually a freakin' THESIS on the topic... with diagrams and all. Apparently done by a professor at UC Berkelely...
Saturday, October 23, 2004
57 days: You Let Me Desecrate You
Till today, I still don't quite get this song.
You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive
Just because Trent Reznor did doesn't make it great OK? Er ok I do think that it's a great song, but if you don't hear it and only read the lyrics... it's damn whiny lah. And hey! Almost passes off as lyrics from Linkin Puck.
Had a very unproductive day. I tried, but it's not working out. 316 is sapping too much of my brain matter, it takes way too much effort to understand the notes. And it's only my GE. Wah lau. What's the economics term for it.... something about marginal utility. watever. I don't know how the hell I got my A for econs. I think I'm good a temporary retention only. Meaning in 20 years, i'll be right back where I started. Hahah that's a hilarious thought.
-----------------------------------------
December is my favourite month. Yes, I'm biased cos that's my birthmonth, but it has so many nice connotations. Christmas, holidays, sales, relaxation, holidays, holidays, holidays. It even sounds the nicest out of all the months. Dee-sem-ber. Mmmmmmmmmm
-----------------------------------------
Being very random. Trying to talk so much till I'm tired so i'll get back to work.
It was not nice being stuck in school today because of the rain. Maybe Pong is still there. If so, poor Pong.
It's also not very nice to see your account balance hit single digit. Nope. Not nice at all. That stupid number was MOCKING ME.
It's also not very nice to have someone finish two project outlines in front of me while I struggle with my essay. Sorry Joo, honesty is the best policy right? It's not your fault, (DUH). And i'm not directing the "not nice-ness" to you.
-----------------------------------------
Ok. I don't know if i've said this before.. but what do u treasure most in a hostel room? Some say privacy, some say the right to play music, some say the sanctity of keeping food you bought for yourself.
For me, it's AIR.
Ya that's what i need the most. fuck the bugs and the cold, i wanna open the door and raise the blinds and slide open the grilles. I need my FLOWING fresh air.
Which is why i'm duly puzzled by my roommate's who seems to lack a need of air. I'm puzzled, but hiyah, to each her own. Guess she gets cold easily.
But it's strange to want your room so stuffy.... Came back today and the door closed (and locked) and fan off and blinds down... and outside the air was so nice and fresh... and inside.. well an entirely different story.
I don't mind it lah, i'm accomodating because i know i have my idiosyncrasies as well... like sleeping late....
But i DON'T GET IT at all!
Fan speed now is 3. I feel the stuffiness. She just fell asleep, hope she doesn't mind if i open the windows and door now
ok enough inane thoughts
Had a very unproductive day. I tried, but it's not working out. 316 is sapping too much of my brain matter, it takes way too much effort to understand the notes. And it's only my GE. Wah lau. What's the economics term for it.... something about marginal utility. watever. I don't know how the hell I got my A for econs. I think I'm good a temporary retention only. Meaning in 20 years, i'll be right back where I started. Hahah that's a hilarious thought.
-----------------------------------------
December is my favourite month. Yes, I'm biased cos that's my birthmonth, but it has so many nice connotations. Christmas, holidays, sales, relaxation, holidays, holidays, holidays. It even sounds the nicest out of all the months. Dee-sem-ber. Mmmmmmmmmm
-----------------------------------------
Being very random. Trying to talk so much till I'm tired so i'll get back to work.
It was not nice being stuck in school today because of the rain. Maybe Pong is still there. If so, poor Pong.
It's also not very nice to see your account balance hit single digit. Nope. Not nice at all. That stupid number was MOCKING ME.
It's also not very nice to have someone finish two project outlines in front of me while I struggle with my essay. Sorry Joo, honesty is the best policy right? It's not your fault, (DUH). And i'm not directing the "not nice-ness" to you.
-----------------------------------------
Ok. I don't know if i've said this before.. but what do u treasure most in a hostel room? Some say privacy, some say the right to play music, some say the sanctity of keeping food you bought for yourself.
For me, it's AIR.
Ya that's what i need the most. fuck the bugs and the cold, i wanna open the door and raise the blinds and slide open the grilles. I need my FLOWING fresh air.
Which is why i'm duly puzzled by my roommate's who seems to lack a need of air. I'm puzzled, but hiyah, to each her own. Guess she gets cold easily.
But it's strange to want your room so stuffy.... Came back today and the door closed (and locked) and fan off and blinds down... and outside the air was so nice and fresh... and inside.. well an entirely different story.
I don't mind it lah, i'm accomodating because i know i have my idiosyncrasies as well... like sleeping late....
But i DON'T GET IT at all!
Fan speed now is 3. I feel the stuffiness. She just fell asleep, hope she doesn't mind if i open the windows and door now
ok enough inane thoughts
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
60 days: There's nothing left to be desired
No that's not true. I don't know whether my list of desires will end, but it certainly still exists now. Anyway, that's just a line from the song currently haunting me... actually it's just the voice of K D Lang.... yes... not the Hollies version.
I just realised this is the freakin' third blog I've had "today". My day doesn't end still I sleep, so don't get technical with me.
But I was just thinking of xiaxue's blog, and I think if anyone wants to talk about the freedom of speech... they should visit her site. I started out thinking she was quite repulsive, but her blog persona at least, is honest. For all her rantings about her beauty, she does unabashedly show before and after photoshop photos... i don't know why she does that, but it's interesting to me.
I overheard something in a conversation in the room next door, which made me think of stuff.
I know it's not good to hate. You don't hate things unless you'd kill it if given a choice, so I can safely say that, ya, this one is on my list of "HATE" alongside pedophiles (at least, those that don't seek treatment).
The thing i hate isn't so much a thing, but a sentence. A sentence articulated with impatience and accompanied by a face etched with scorn.
What the FUCK. Typing it makes my blood boil. I hate it because it's been used on me once too often by various people. The automatic response in my head now whenever I hear it is:
Maybe I'm over-reacting. But few other things make me react this way. If you really think about it, it has a lot of implications. It's not as straight-forward as it seems. But then again, I'm sensitive, so you might just want to label me psycho and move on.
Maybe it's the articulation of my worst fears. That there is indeed something very wrong with me. Maybe it's denial. I don't know. Maybe it's because whenever somebody uses that line on me, it's in the midst of an argument, and I guess I don't like it when you're pushing all the blame to me by saying that this is happening because i'm a defective piece of equipment. It's dismissive and demeaning.
And I just realised that I use that on people too. Well, to all the people I've used the line on, i'm truely very sorry. I wasn't thinking.
-----------------------------------
Something in Kundera's The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, if i remember correctly anyway, said something about an old man having an affair with his young student.
It said something about how she couldn't understand him, because the music of his life has already been composed. He is playing his own tune, and she is listening in, but not comprehending because she doesn't know how the music was written.
Then Kundera talks about the person who "grew up" with this man. He had composed the music of his life with her, and their notes blended together because they co-wrote it.
And it just makes me think, that when do we become complete? A neatly packaged box that can never be changed, that it's a case of either you get it, or you don't. No compromise, no change. And I feel sorry for his young student, because she's listening so earnestly, but he is not explaning the music to her.
And I wonder, if we attach symbols, or musical notes, to each person we have a relationship with. And that symbol becomes forever attached to that person. It can no longer be used for anyone else, even if you wish it weren't that way.
And I wonder, what happens when you run out of symbols? When the last page of your life has been written, and there is no space for anything else? What happens then? It all has to end sometime.
I just realised this is the freakin' third blog I've had "today". My day doesn't end still I sleep, so don't get technical with me.
But I was just thinking of xiaxue's blog, and I think if anyone wants to talk about the freedom of speech... they should visit her site. I started out thinking she was quite repulsive, but her blog persona at least, is honest. For all her rantings about her beauty, she does unabashedly show before and after photoshop photos... i don't know why she does that, but it's interesting to me.
I overheard something in a conversation in the room next door, which made me think of stuff.
I know it's not good to hate. You don't hate things unless you'd kill it if given a choice, so I can safely say that, ya, this one is on my list of "HATE" alongside pedophiles (at least, those that don't seek treatment).
The thing i hate isn't so much a thing, but a sentence. A sentence articulated with impatience and accompanied by a face etched with scorn.
"What's wrong with you?"
What the FUCK. Typing it makes my blood boil. I hate it because it's been used on me once too often by various people. The automatic response in my head now whenever I hear it is:
"Nothing. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me."
Maybe I'm over-reacting. But few other things make me react this way. If you really think about it, it has a lot of implications. It's not as straight-forward as it seems. But then again, I'm sensitive, so you might just want to label me psycho and move on.
Maybe it's the articulation of my worst fears. That there is indeed something very wrong with me. Maybe it's denial. I don't know. Maybe it's because whenever somebody uses that line on me, it's in the midst of an argument, and I guess I don't like it when you're pushing all the blame to me by saying that this is happening because i'm a defective piece of equipment. It's dismissive and demeaning.
And I just realised that I use that on people too. Well, to all the people I've used the line on, i'm truely very sorry. I wasn't thinking.
-----------------------------------
Something in Kundera's The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, if i remember correctly anyway, said something about an old man having an affair with his young student.
It said something about how she couldn't understand him, because the music of his life has already been composed. He is playing his own tune, and she is listening in, but not comprehending because she doesn't know how the music was written.
Then Kundera talks about the person who "grew up" with this man. He had composed the music of his life with her, and their notes blended together because they co-wrote it.
And it just makes me think, that when do we become complete? A neatly packaged box that can never be changed, that it's a case of either you get it, or you don't. No compromise, no change. And I feel sorry for his young student, because she's listening so earnestly, but he is not explaning the music to her.
And I wonder, if we attach symbols, or musical notes, to each person we have a relationship with. And that symbol becomes forever attached to that person. It can no longer be used for anyone else, even if you wish it weren't that way.
And I wonder, what happens when you run out of symbols? When the last page of your life has been written, and there is no space for anything else? What happens then? It all has to end sometime.
61 days: Got meh?
No thanks to GUIQING who reminded me about it today by raising it in a conversation, I revisited Xiaxue's website.... And wah lau eh it's damn ADDICITIVE. Managed to refrain from clicking the "next" button to read the stuff which I missed out on...
Don't know what is it about her website that keeps me there. It's not particularly intellectual... she's not that interesting if you think about it... but I guess her self indulgence makes for excellent entertainment.
Today's Straits Times bothered me.
No, not the layout. Not Theresa Tan staring at me from the front page... it was the article she wrote.... on a guy finding a bride in four hours.
Wonder if I'm in their shoes... would I sell myself in four hours? And for how much? With what terms and conditions? How much will I be worth? Would I even sell myself that way?
"Hallo Sir! I cook you good food Sir! I rub foot for you everyday after you work. Sir, I make good wife!"
With women like that, and bitches like me, it's no wonder men are fleeing to find "good wife".
I should flee too to find good husband. But that means I've to land a good job to support both of us.
"Hello Ma'am! I cook you good food Ma'am! I rub foot for you everyday after you work! MA'am I make good husband."
Cannot make it lah (although it sounds appealing for a short-term thing), I have already realised by now that the number one thing about men that I cannot do without is (not looks, not culinary skills, not ambition) but good conversation. He'll drive me crazy with all his "ma'ams".
Think I was quite unpleasant to someone in school today. Felt bad, as usual, after that, because I know the person didn't mean it. But rudeness begets rudeness, so for once, I'm not going to apologise.
Yet I know some people who really won't get mad at anyone for any reason. They either give them the benefit of the doubt, forgive them, or just become gandhi-like. I mean, even the dalai lama say he'll cane his kids. Which is a worrying thing. But I digress. I really don't know how these people are so blessed with such a peaceful heart and mind... I can't control my sense of irritation or anger very well if I'm in a bad mood.. if i'm in a good mood nothing will bother me at all.. but it seemslike some people don't get bothered eitherways...
I have this vision of these people attending theraphy for all the pent up anger they store inside them. Maybe gandhi was so peaceful only because he wasn't eating and thus have no energy to get mad at anyone.
Hiyah i'm so nonsensical.
Don't know what is it about her website that keeps me there. It's not particularly intellectual... she's not that interesting if you think about it... but I guess her self indulgence makes for excellent entertainment.
Today's Straits Times bothered me.
No, not the layout. Not Theresa Tan staring at me from the front page... it was the article she wrote.... on a guy finding a bride in four hours.
Wonder if I'm in their shoes... would I sell myself in four hours? And for how much? With what terms and conditions? How much will I be worth? Would I even sell myself that way?
"Hallo Sir! I cook you good food Sir! I rub foot for you everyday after you work. Sir, I make good wife!"
With women like that, and bitches like me, it's no wonder men are fleeing to find "good wife".
I should flee too to find good husband. But that means I've to land a good job to support both of us.
"Hello Ma'am! I cook you good food Ma'am! I rub foot for you everyday after you work! MA'am I make good husband."
Cannot make it lah (although it sounds appealing for a short-term thing), I have already realised by now that the number one thing about men that I cannot do without is (not looks, not culinary skills, not ambition) but good conversation. He'll drive me crazy with all his "ma'ams".
Think I was quite unpleasant to someone in school today. Felt bad, as usual, after that, because I know the person didn't mean it. But rudeness begets rudeness, so for once, I'm not going to apologise.
Yet I know some people who really won't get mad at anyone for any reason. They either give them the benefit of the doubt, forgive them, or just become gandhi-like. I mean, even the dalai lama say he'll cane his kids. Which is a worrying thing. But I digress. I really don't know how these people are so blessed with such a peaceful heart and mind... I can't control my sense of irritation or anger very well if I'm in a bad mood.. if i'm in a good mood nothing will bother me at all.. but it seemslike some people don't get bothered eitherways...
I have this vision of these people attending theraphy for all the pent up anger they store inside them. Maybe gandhi was so peaceful only because he wasn't eating and thus have no energy to get mad at anyone.
Hiyah i'm so nonsensical.
61 days: Butterfly Wings on Crackers
Read in a magazine that Salvador Dali served Mia Farrow a meal of butterfly wings on biscuits. There's just something very poignant about that example that makes me remember it.
Been feeling very emotionally stretched recently, even though pressure from work has died down a little bit. But I guess pms is catching up with me, and that I've read some things which were better left un-read.
Something that my ex used to challenge me with "Why the hell must you always be different from other people?"
I don't know.
Been feeling very emotionally stretched recently, even though pressure from work has died down a little bit. But I guess pms is catching up with me, and that I've read some things which were better left un-read.
Something that my ex used to challenge me with "Why the hell must you always be different from other people?"
I don't know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)