Monday, December 25, 2006


So I didn't get a chance to do the birthday blog. Whisked away to Muar to do some work for Mercy Relief. Is nice that Guiqing and Liwei's here as well.

So apologies to the few unanswered Merry Xmas smses.

Its not really that bad here. The hotel we're staying at is as posh as we could possibly get I suppose. Yesterday, I caught a couple minutes of Star Wars on cable. The breakfast buffet has excellent nasi lemak.

Its nice to see at least I still have my priorities in order.

But seriously, the flood areas we've visited are seriously submerged, as in knee-deep, waist-high, roof-reaching.

And in a very selfish and indulgent way, I'm happy to be back to Aceh-ish times in cargos and tshirts and messed up hair and my aviators, hauling stuff around like a coolie. A nice change from the month-long Emerald Hill get up.

Seeya'll soon.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Mmm Mmm


Just three things before the day unfolds:

1. The weather is fucking wonderful this morning.

Terz's camera is a god-send (in more ways than one), and now I want my own 5D.

3. The weather this morning is reallyreally wonderful.

Tralalala people!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Deep breath

So I've filed most of what I need to file for the inaugaral issue, and this weekend was series of deep, long breaths (and long long naps) as I get ready for the second.

After being out of the writing game for so long, it feels a bit nice to know that after three weeks, I can tell you what's a Reit, on top of naming the top richest men in Singapore, as well as tell you how many casinos there are in Macau and how much they are expected to earn by 2010, and oh yeah I also found out where Ivan Heng was educated and what the difference is between private, fund and wealth management is, and what are some ways hedge funds make money, and also that the PR lady working for A*STA**R has a melon for a brain, and how much CDL has in its land bank.

Its been a slow, ardous and very very painful couple of weeks. My ego has been bruised and beaten, incompetence-level raised to high alert, and I've fallen off the no-beer wagon.

On the plus side, I think I'm truely comfortable with the phrase "I don't need them/him/her to like me", and I discovered that professionalism at the workplace is truely underrated, and I am at heart still more conservative than I had expected. Also, I've reconfirmed my personal belief that 1. Respect is not guaranteed with Age/Experience 2. Respect has to be earned.

This is generally not good, because as my father would have me believe, I am an utter failure at hiding disdain.

Small kitty sits next to the laptop, eyeing me. She does that a lot. Sit prim and proper with paws in front, staring and staring and staring. She can do it for a long long stretch of time. Its almost as if she feels out of place. The girl they invited to the party because she just happened to be there when the invitations were being given out.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Who knew

I checked out the meaning of the word 'Jacuzzi' online:

1. a brand name for a device for a whirlpool bath and related products.
2. n : a large whirlpool bathtub with underwater jets that massage the body
3. a killing machine that snags victims with powerful evil suction


Monday, December 04, 2006

Full Glory


Yes, you.

You with your fancy shirt and shiny shoes. I don't understand you. Your lifestyle, your mannerisms, your behaviour, and most of all - the arrogance that literally pours from your veins.

When I watch you, I feel like I am watching an exotic primate on display at the zoo. I know its a monkey, but my God, its like nothing I've ever seen.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Kopitiam : Monologue

Eh wah lau what you want to eat. The menu damn hard to read leh. I want the fruity drink. Huh but so many flavous ah. Mix them? Quite weird one leh. Nevermind lah.

Eh how ah, miss my rabbit leh. No lah how can, he pay the rabbit one leh. I take care and he pay. I think hor he very long never wash the cage liao leh. I tell him, if you don't want the rabbit to die right, you better wash lor.

Cos I am from express stream mah. And I die die don't want to do N level. I smart one what I can take O level one. But I stop school in Sec 3. Six years liao leh, you think you can just like that take O level meh cannot lah I tell you. I also don't want so long never study then like that go and take. How can?

You know ah, when we break up I take so long to get over him you know. Then ah when the hurt not so bad liao right, wah lau he come back then wah lau how can you like that, its like damn difficult you know.

You really don't want to try ah

No lah, I want to study lah. I want to get my O level. 18 years old liao I still don't have my O level, really fuck leh.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

"Panel to probe why many youths taking the wrong path"

I giggled on the train quite badly when I read that in the papers.

But hey it was a successfully written headline because I read the whole damn article to look for more funny lines.

Can I please ramble now? Thank you.

What on earth do they mean by "Why"? Do we really need an Inter-Ministry Committee on Youth Crime? How about Inter-Ministry Committee on Bad/No Parenting? What about adults that are taking the wrong path? How can we abandon them?? We must figure out why they're taking wrong paths too! Shouldn't the headline read why MORE youths are taking the wrong path??

I shall now offer my suggestions as to why "many youths" are shunning the right and heading south.

1. Bad/Absent Parenting
2. Exposed to too many Gangster flicks as an infant
3. Better pay
4. Taking over family business
5. Not enough chicks on the right side
6. Hair just looks better messy
7. Bullied by class nerds when in primary school and determined to never be smart
8. Was a Saint in past life and is making up for it

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Well, I Guess That Genocide In Sudan Must've Worked Itself Out On Its Own

June 8, 2005 Issue 41•23

I was pretty worried a year or so ago when the news came out that thousands of people had been indiscriminately slaughtered in Darfur. It was unsettling to hear that citizens of one ethnicity (Arab, maybe?) were systematically mass-murdering the population of some other ethnicity (Was it the Ganjaweeds? It's been so long since I've read their names!) But lately, the main stories in the news seem to be about Deep Throat, the new summer blockbusters, and something about stem cells. Since I'm sure I would have remembered if the U.S. had intervened in some way to stop it, I can only assume that the whole genocide-in-Darfur thing has somehow worked itself out.

Well, that's good news then, isn't it?

I also seem to recall that this genocide was causing a massive exodus of displaced refugees, with millions starving to death while attempting to flee to neighboring nations. Since I haven't seen any petitions or heard any emotional entreaties for somebody—anybody—to please, for God's sake, do something... Well, I'm gonna guess that the major humanitarian crisis must be over. And thank God, too! The whole situation sounded really awful.

Not that I wanted to be an alarmist, but when I first heard about the Darfur conflict, I thought to myself, "Uh oh! Sounds like another massive ethnic cleansing, not unlike Bosnia and Rwanda!" Those genocides sure were unfathomable! And not only because of the inhumanity of the acts, either—the blind indifference with which the world allowed the killings to continue unchecked was upsetting, too.

Well, someone must've invaded or overthrown a corrupt government or something like that. I know it wasn't the U.S., though. I may not be all that up on current events, but I do follow the news enough to know when my own country attacks another country. Maybe it was one of those genocides that solves itself without substantive international intervention. Well, that's one less horrific reality of modern geopolitics hanging over our heads!

Good thing, 'cause for a while there, it seemed like the Sudan situation was pretty serious, especially when both President Bush and Sen. Kerry talked about it in the presidential debates. Heck, that the Darfur conflict qualified as genocide was practically the only thing they agreed on! So, if both presidential candidates acknowledged on TV that genocide was taking place, it's pretty safe to assume that someone stepped in before more innocent victims were systematically butchered. Right?

What a great turn of events! Frankly, I'm relieved that all the horror, death, and human agony is over. I mean, after all those reports of ongoing murder, rape, and looting, I confess I was a little surprised when I didn't hear much more about it, beyond some international sanctions and aid packages. Ah, but what's the point in belaboring the grisly details? Why go on and on about which paramilitary militias were killing and raping which women and children? The important thing is that the conflict's apparently over.

Evidently, the hatred has been healed, peace has been restored, and the perpetrators of this unimaginable crime have been brought to justice. It sure is good to know it all must've turned out all right. It's like they say: No news is good news! Right?

© Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Speaking Loudly with a Small Stick

At least 200,000 dead, and 2.5m displaced.

" SINCE THE FIGHTING BEGAN BETWEEN Darfur rebel groups and the central government in Khartoum in 2003, several hundred thousand people have been killed, with millions more displaced to squalid, overcrowded camps. The government of Sudan bears the greatest responsibility for these deaths: Soon after the Darfuri rebellion, the government launched a counterinsurgency strategy principally aimed at wiping out the ethnic groups from which the rebels came.

To do that, the government bought off and armed individual ethnic groups in Darfur. With their proxy militia on the ground supported by government air power, the government systematically cleared out "rebel strongholds" (otherwise known as towns and villages), to brutal effect. By the following spring, refugees were flooding over Darfur's western border into Chad. "

And they said 'Never again'. Hm right.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Just received an sms following a 'Private Number' call which I answered only to hear silence.

"Helo i haf ur no in my sim card sorrie to dizturb ya i heard ur voice are u a gurl"

Aw such a keeper.

Update : 5 mins later

"My fren go back bangladesh i use his sim card bt let mi ask r u indonesia or phillipine girl?"

Yup definately a keeper.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

It doesn't get more tragic than this

On wiki searching for some stuff and came across this:

"Tara Rose McAvoy, 18, reigning Miss Deaf Texas, killed by train while walking on tracks."

Apparently, she was
smsing someone.


Language Log

Language Log is amazing. This is how I will start my day now. Its not even 11 am and already I have finally discovered why my lines of happy wit fall flat all the time.

Reverse sarcasm? Doesn't work.

Yet another shameless attempt to sponge-off Tym's brain. I tell you, she's so silly.

(See? It really doesn't work.)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

In transit


You won't be hearing from me for awhile. You know the whole thing about 'sink or swim'? Yeah, this is the sinking during swimming phase. I didn't expect getting back into the world of words to be this difficult, but it sure as fuck is.

It takes me so long just to digest an article, and while I've read more papers and scanned more headlines than ever before, nothing seems to be getting into my head.

Today at work, a 20-year-old colleague expressed shock that I was born in '83. I never know whether or not its a compliment when people think you're older than you really are.

But I suppose things can only get better. I've established that I really enjoy being in office alone at night, and when they finally install the electronic card system I'll be able to do that more. There's something very therapeutic about playing music without worrying about it disturbing someone else. Its just you, an empty house and some stranger's beautiful voice.

Last Job

And so ST ended. Just like that. Without a day or two to rest between jobs, I haven't really had the breathing space.

The photo at the top is my favourite from office. One of the lifts had some tech problem, the door open/close buttons wouldn't work. Many a times you see people standing in that lift like a moron, waiting patiently for the damn door to close by itself.

So they posted a sign before the repairman came along and spoilt all the fun.

Please take a look at the photo and read the extra helpful comments. It makes me laugh every single morning.

My last job was nothing spectacular. Product shot at a hotel lobby. Hotel manager gave me a free peach/sake mix in a smoking lobby - and I had some precious minutes to just sit and subsequently realise that this would be my last assignment for a long time.

People ask if I'm sad, and I don't really know how to reply. I can't blame them since they don't know me that well and its a fairly routine question. I suppose the only way to answer is with my own rhetorical question - How could I not be? It was like breaking up with someone that I loved. I bitched and moaned and whined and griped, but it still doesn't change the fact that it was, and still is, a huge part of my life.

Ah Jess, you're a sentimental fool.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sometime back in September 2004 there was a crossing of paths when two men met in a dark room. Both are undeniably major influences in my life.

This little bit of info has got to be the most scintillating piece of trivia I've stumbled across in recent times. Most trivia I bother to read or collect are about people/places/things that I care about. Except for Paris Hilton, who I do not particularly care about, but the amount of trivia concerning her enters my mind via internetomosis.

But anyway.

Who on earth would have ever guessed, that at a taping of The Charlie Rose Show, Jon Stewart sat waiting backstage as Lee Hsien Loong spoke on camera.

I've no concrete proof that they actually met, but I am willing to bet there was at least a brief brushing of shoulders as Jon went on stage.

I stumbled on this while watching this hour-long interview with Jon on C-Span:

Approximately 13 minutes into the interview, he mentions the Minister of Singapore. Of course he does this with his usual flippant wave of the hand and a rather dismissive tone, but I don't really care.

My obsession with Jon grows. Its getting ridiculous. I already have fifty bucks set aside for his book as my birthday present to myself.

Haven't had a chance to talk about Bangkok. So much has happened since I came back, it seems like months ago that I went. But well, it was great.I wouldn't mind living there. You know what they say - same same, but different.

DSC_0468 copy

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Moving In, Moving Out

I suppose at some point or other I have to talk about the events of the past week, and perhaps its only apt that I do it now.

So now I have a desk and a computer, Prince is wailing over the speakers, the key to the office sits next to me. I will be running out later to grab some coffee and smokes, and right now its just me and my music occupying this very beautiful three-storey shophouse.

I feel like I've been holding my breath for the whole of the past week, and I'm just waiting to exhale.

The line would be nicer if there weren't a Whitney Houston movie with the same title. Fuck.

But yes, I start my new job in a week or so. I've yet to wrap things up at the other end, and I think next week will be crazier than the last.

I was going to write about what its all about, and why I'm leaving, and why this what-the-fuck move seems perfectly logical in my mind - but I've been doing that for the last five days and I really can't do it anymore.

Friday, November 03, 2006


As I told Malcolm, "There's a massage chair there with my name on it."

Seeya Monday!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Like a Dog on a Leash

Am plugging this video taken off a comment on Zynfandel's blog.

Because personally I've always been intrigued by role-playing as a method of research or teaching. Which is why I liked the movie The Experiment, and why I like this video.

Its a five-parter (although part 5 is missing), and its about a teacher dividing a class into brown Vs blue-eyed kids - all for a lesson in discrimination.

I wonder if animals discriminate.

And oh! Mom brought back a bathrobe, my request, from her office. Clearing of stock and all that. I love bathrobes. Makes me feel like I'm in a hotel. And generally I do like hotels, other than the obviously haunted ones, because of how impersonal and anonymous everything is.

I'd have prefered one in white, a la Audrey H. in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I remember the shock of her waist in the bathrobe. What on earth could there be left under all that material!

I can have the same waist too, I realised, since the belt of this bathrobe ties on quite snugly. Just can't sit or do things like breathing, that's all.

Ah what a beauty. Based on this photo, Lulamae and I have more in common than you could ever imagine.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Men swallow too

Men do too. And not just any man. The Man.

The Man and I, and about twenty-plus people had the pleasure of Item Number 3 on the menu: Cod fish sperm soup.

It might not have been his first time, but it certainly was mine.

The jokes started even before the event, and maybe I wouldn't have been so gleeful if I'd known that I was included on the dinner quota.

Apparently, this spermy dish is an expensive Japanese delicacy (big fucking surprise), and is also used in cosmetic products. I dare say this was the weirdest thing I'd ever tasted. I didn't like it, because it reminded me of foie gras (which I hate), and it looks terrible. We didn't exactly have "sperm", but rather the reproductive male organs. And heck it certainly looked like some sorta organ. Thank god the colour was a nice, safe white.

I think the guys struggled with it more. Hahaha. Anyway, we eat eggs all the time. Its almost the same thing.

Everything else in the dinner though, was great. Authentic home-made wasabi, freshfreshfresh sashimi, the salads... And why wouldn't it be? Chef Nogawa from the Nogawa Restaurant was on hand to make everything perfect.

But hey, as we all know by now, I only enjoyed it because of one reason.

There was just so much waiting, and just when I thought I'd never have a chance to fall asleep during lectures again, I happily dozed off as the supersmart people rattled off during their academic presentations. Felt nice.

Also got funny policemen, security officers and behind-the-scene people to talk cock and make fun of sperm soup. Pun unavoidable.

DSC_0118 copy

Monday, October 30, 2006


Another MRT suicide today, at Clementi MRT. I didn't really have to go down, since we're really trying not to play up any suicide stories and by the time I was heading out the trains had started to run again so there probably wasn't much left to shoot.

But no way in hell I was passing up the opportunity, not after what feels like a million posed/people/food or generally non-adrenaline-inducing shoots.

Accident scenes usually unfold in the same way. There's a body. The police covers up the body. Sometimes the grieving family will come. The police hearse arrives, usually after a while, to remove the body. The end.

Today was slightly different. For starters, no one knew for sure what was going on. Everyone looked confused. There was just so much uncertainty. Where is the body? Has it left? Is it still here? Where!??

And then, for the first time ever, I had the media liason person flat out lie to me. And every single member of the media present. Because, ya know, its their job not to tell the facts.

"The body is not here already! Left already!" *beams*

Malcolm said that it was possible she didn't know. I think its more possible that she's an idiot.

I tell the same kind of lie sometimes. Usually it involves a little kid who wants to have a bit of the snack I'm having. I'd hold the bag behind my bag, wave my other arm around emptily, and tell them Look! No more! Finish already! Generally it works, because the kid probably thinks - hell, why would she lie to me?

And so SMRT PR Lady and I do have something in common, since we practice the same tricks. However while I understand that these lies only work on children, she obviously thinks that it works on everybody.

It was just such an unnecessary, juvenile lie.

Eventually the reporters left, and the remaining photogs headed to the back exit. As we neared the doors, the police hearse pulled up, and I really wished the SMRT PR Lady was next to me. So is this the body you said was not here!!!!!?? Have you heard of the phrase "NO COMMENT"!??

Anyway I was right, they're not using the pic. Not that I mind anyhow. Obviously there were concerns raised about whether this was a copycat after the last MRT suicide case raised half a million bucks in donations. I wonder how TNP is going to cover this one.

But it was a good day. Its really not good that its because of someone's death, but I know what I mean even if you don't.

Sunday, October 29, 2006


I tried on an expensive pair of heels today in office. It was for some fashion shoot, and the reporter hadn't come to collect it back. I didn't quite know what to make of the colour, which was a strange blue/purple with gold thread. And my legs look weird with ankle straps.

So this isn't a pair of shoes I'd buy even if it cost 10 bucks. But the price tag, and the quality that came along with it, made me want it. Wearing it made me happy.

On the way home I mused over this happiness-gained-from-expensive-things/materialism. So superficial! So totally irrelevant! Think of the hungry and sick and starving! But! They are so pretty!!!

And then it occured to me, that the only reason I was happy wearing those shoes was because I
could wear 'em for free.

It would be a totally different sensation if i had a $300 receipt between my teeth while trying to tie the damn thing up properly.

Although I love shoes to death, it must mean something when my brother buys shoes more frequently than I do. I want them. I don't want to pay for them. I am the biggest obstacle to my own superficial happiness.

I don't know what this means as far as my personality is concerned, but it can't be good.


And. I'll see you on Tuesday.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Boring like fuck


With a capital B.

Gone are the days of two-posts-a-day. It'll be shocking to even have enough fodder to write a small bit.

In my defence, I was busy. See pic above.

In the last five days since I wrote a post I have uttered these words in public to strangers :

1. "Ya ya ya, Fuck Off!" (to two Idiots)

2. "You want to call [the police] then call lah!" (to an Idiot)

3. "I think you are very wrong." (to taxidriver)

4. "I wish the guy sitting on your right would stop staring at us." (aimed at dude on MRT)

So. Maybe it seems I haven't been posting because I have yet to complete my metamorphosis into Ah Lian of the Year.

Instinctively, I want to say that such statements are really unlike me. Me confrontational and rude?? I remember feeling embarrassed by such things. But I did utter them afterall, and I'm thinking its time that I updated my perception of myself. I think the number of times I use the word Fuck has increased exponentially since a year ago. And no, although it would make the most sense, its not because of the job.

Sunday, October 22, 2006


(Because I really don't have anything else interesting to say. Not that it ever was, it its even worse.)

(shouted) : Its official. My character-judging-radar is kaput.

Friday, October 20, 2006


whispered : (I still heart Jon Stewart)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Sleeping with the Enemy

Excuse me while I indulge in a bit of camera-whoring with the cats.

Sleeping with the Enemy

Sleeping with the Enemy

Sleeping with the Enemy


I'm off the the Zoo in the morning tomorrow. Off to see the pretty caged tigers. Whoop!!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Fuck the haze


It literally and figuratively makes me sick. Although I do have to concede that sitting in an open field in Sengkang waiting for a photo op has been quite the enjoyable part of the week.

I have not taken an LRT ride in Sengkang, and it startled me a bit to see how ulu-ated some places were. Is nice. Will go more now.

But really, my nose is all blocked up and I've a scratchy throat that won't go away. Screw you winds!!


And really, men.

Men. All the same. ALL THE SAME. I am exhausted.

"Do you know how old am I?"


"Well, how old are you?"


"Ok, you take those numbers and invert it, and I'll still be younger."

"You're younger than 24?"


- pause -

"Is that a problem?"

And actually, no it isn't. But hey, its a problem if you want it to be a problem, and right now I think it is.

The formula is simple enough. Endless compliments, generous praise - most of them lies, of course - and the system should work its magic. Except of course, if you're not looking for that sorta 'fun'. Don't get me wrong, I am not unappreciative, it helps to keep things nice and happy and we all like to be lied to once in a while to keep egos afloat... but still I've yet to understand why its only the non-locals that do this, and if I've to meet another angmoh who think he's God's gift to local women...

It could've been the location. As one woman from Serbia told me, looking slightly relieved after she realised I was not one of those local girls, it used to be different. But now its "50% whores and 50% normal people". And really, I figured that out during my first minute at the bar waiting for my drink. And it is quite silly of me to expect anything resembling a normal conversation from a place like that.

Tired tired tired.

I remember Eddie once said Emilia and I were both "high-maintenance". And as we both defensively clamoured to correct his delusional judgment he explained himself and we found ourselves sadly agreeing to his definition of the term.

Aiyah, stranger things have happened.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Dear Cat,

We haven't had much time to speak these days, what with my absence from the house for most of the day, and the fact that I've had to lock you out of my room means no more before-sleep chitchat either.

And for that, I am truely sorry. But hey you know how things work, and if I weren't the same person you would not be here with me right now. Whether or not you want to be, is an issue to be debated over another day.

So things are not quite the same here anymore, and they probably never will be. But sometimes I catch a look from you, and sometimes we still sit together quietly (not too close, I know) and it all feels like before.

You would probably chid me for writing this instead of telling you in person. You know how they say that parents shouldn't take favourites, how teachers should always play fair. Well, I'm neither and I play favourites and I am unfair - and you will always be my number one. Numero uno, and all that.

Love, Jess


To the new cat:

You are a suicidal nutcase. Let me lay out the facts for you.

You : Claws trimmed, 0.5 kg
Cat : Claws not trimmed, 3 kg
Odds : Against You

Chinese got a saying, "Mm zhai see".


Oh, and to anyone's who's interested, George Benson comes to town on December 6th. Whoopwhoop!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Young Cow Don't Know Tiger

Cat No. 1 and 2

Translated into Mandarin, the statement apparently makes more sense, and quite nicely sums up the existing relationship.
Possibility : Shoot Wade Robson spinning on homeground soil. WADE ROBSON.

Reality : Shoot local beauty pageant.

I'm all for local talent and all that, but I may never get over the bitterness. This would not happen if the person doing the assigning was female.


*sob* : (

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


The Idiot (temporary name till I forgive her for all the emotional trauma she has inflicted on me) has proved to be anything but a weak runt (the reason we thought we'd pick her in the first place), displaying acrobatic death-defying feats which made me feel jealous on Cat's behalf since Cat was no where as death-defying at this age. Ladies and Gents, I do believe we have on our hands a die-hard hellion.

(My words ring true. Paused this entry to search for half an hour in my room only to find Idiot in a space that was not supposed to be a space. CB to you.)


Headed out for an alcoholic break away from the madness in the house. It seems like the only people I shoot for outside of ST are musicians, and this is slightly worrying since my portfolio will be shit.

But I'm not even vaguely trying to get other commercial jobs, and musicians are an addictive bunch, at least those with their heads screwed on right.

And so, in exchange for a drink and chance to rescue his wounded sense of chivalry (never before have I seen someone take so much offence at having a female foot the bill sneakily), Faiser from Columbia has agreed to help find me a job in South America.

And a legit job at that. I didn't not go to Spain without learning anything.

It never ceases to amaze me to hear people go on and on talking about how beautiful their country is, how its so amazing etc etc and in the same breath list out all its problems and shortcomings.

I tried concocting a make-believe conversation whereby I would praise the hell out of Singapore and in the same breath matter-of-factly state how its still not perfect.

"You won't believe how safe it is... and we have all these beautiful trees by the roads, and so many reservoirs!!!!! We have many races living together peacefully... its so amazing."

Nope. Can't be done. Or rather, I can't do it.

And ooh. I found an extra bottle of gin, hiding and cowering in fear right at the back of the cupboard. Poor bottle... too late.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Love Subtracted

While I was not expecting mutual love to fly between the two, I predicted that I would find it hard to figure out how the new cat would fit into my house and my heart. But it certainly did not occur to me that an additional thing to love would make Cat love me less.

Its a fallacy of course, to think that Cat even loved me at all. So I suppose I could say she tolerates me less.

And now faced with the decision of throwing the new cat back onto the streets, or bringing it into my room - thus ending what has been more than a year of sleeping next to Cat and having her bushy tail hit my face (Cat will not enter rooms where the new cat has been) ...

There are of course logical reasons as to why its the above-mentioned either-this-or-that, and at 11-fucking-am in the morning I am already in tears, and I need a drink.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Love Addition

In the days to come, I will learn how it feels like to love two things at once.

And they say it isn't possible... I'll show 'em.

Stay tuned!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Quick Note

Cat just whispered to me from under her paws (she likes to pretend she's asleep when dealing out advice so it seems as if its unintentional sleep-talking) that unless I do something soon I will have the longest list of regrets yet come end of this year.

Fat lot of help, coming from someone who lists her best accomplishment as chowing down a tiger prawn in 1.3 seconds flat.

Did I just refer to her as a someone? Oh dear.
I missed mid-autumn festival. Not so much missed, as completely-forgot-about-it, until I was at a friend's place and saw merrymaking and lanterns at the neighbours next door.

Said friend wasn't even celebrating mid-autumns, but I felt like I should have, at my grandmas with cousins and all the chinesey things we do.

I was a bit upset to have missed out on the millions of candles and paper lanterns and the mandatory phonebook-bonfire at the playground. However, ever since they removed the sand and placed rubber tiles I haven't had a healthy fire for a while. Its amazing how long you can keep a fire going with one phonebook. I really really like looking at fire.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Paved White

I'm turning my back on all of you.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Random Monday Snippets

And so Darren's wife sent me an SMS today. A strange and bizarre series of messages ensued which are too strange and bizarre to replicate here.

Dear, dear Anne. As you read this blog, I am compelled to blurt out a question I could not bring my fingers to type earlier. I'm sure you're really nice and good person, but still... What were you thinking?

It is, of course, a rhetorical question. No answer required!

(really really)


I have recently started to obsess over Cat's size. She appears miniature, compared to the fat lot lounging about in friends' houses and voiddecks.

I blame myself. A kitten cannot grow on a diet of curry chicken. I have stunted her!


A taxi driver tried his best to convince me that I looked Japanese. I think its the Cantopop hair. Sadly, I found myself preferring this to the other occassions when they'd ask me in Mandarin, "So! Which part of China are you from?"


Really Anne, What were you thinking?

Sunday, October 01, 2006


Play Aya! Play!

I really should continue with the Good Week Part 2, now that the week is over and that title will no longer make sense in a couple of days.

But what to do, no mood leh.

Today was not a good shooting day. Loads of nonsense I wish I didn't have to show.

So! On to mood-elevating things - like this dress Aya wore at her concert which made me mutter under my breath, "I want".

Its actually red, but the orangey lights deceived all of us. It set her back $300 bucks, which I fully appreciate - not because I think money has anything to do with how good clothes are (a bit, maybe) but because I just appreciate performers/entertainers/musicians who realise that their job is to entertain.

A lot of local singers or musicians (in my very humble opinion) are too immersed in their own musical world and trying to show how talented they are - all the while forgetting that the very reason for their existence is to entertain us. That's the point of music isn't it? And acting, and everything else in that industry. I suppose its something you learn along the way.

And there's just something inspirational about watching her play, something about how free her music sounds (I don't know what genre it is) and how free she must feel to appear in an afro-isque-explosion hair with Dorothy shoes and socks.

I'm now on the hunt for green pants.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Good Week Part One


It's been a good, sombre and perspective-realigning week or so.

Monday started out like it always starts out after you work on a Sunday - grumpy.

I wandered around Chinatown before finally stumbling into the Buddhist clinic, trying my best to keep my head down to avoid unnecessary eye contact (and thus conversation) with these volunteers who had so much goodwill and charitable intent radiating from their pores I could literally feel it.

Ok, I lie. At that point I was an evil being with a core of ice and there was no way any positivity could have made it through me.

I find it faintly ironic that it was not a bunch of happy sunshine volunteers who eventually turned my Monday around, but a grumpy old man with arthritis (see above).

Said man did a stint as a karang guni for a bit, which explains the.. treasure trove his house had become :


That's half. I did not and could noat enter the kitchen side. Its organised chaos at its best. It looks terrible, but the dude made it work. He's not some crazy hoarder.

But a grump he is. There were no Thank Yous, no helpless silent pleading done with the eyes, no apologies for making 20 people turn up to help him clear out his stuff. I really quite liked him. (He's a virgo, I checked) As far as he was concerned, he was doing us a favour by letting us intrude upon his space.

And I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I don't understand why people talk to the elderly like they are retarded. Its bound to make me grumpy if I were old but otherwise perfectly fine and you talk to me like I'm stupid. Maybe its because they are trying to be extra nice.

There are more stories I want to tell. An air steward who can no longer feed himself, a place full of dying people and an Uncle who pleaded with me in Teochew to "Please, remember to talk more dialect.

Tomorrow, tomorrow. Tired now, but feeling more alive than I've had in weeks.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


I forgot his name. It got lost in the translation. I keep thinking its Sakura.


Sunday, September 24, 2006

Word of the Day

1. Astronomy. the point on the celestial sphere directly beneath a given position or observer and diametrically opposite the zenith.
2. Astrology. the point of a horoscope opposite the midheaven: the cusp of the fourth house.

3. The lowest point; point of greatest adversity or despair.

Just look at what I'm learning from reading trashy blogs! And all this while I thought it was the name of a girl I didn't know.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Marlene on the Wall


Have typed and deleted several regret-in-the-morning posts. Shall just shut up today.

DSC_0085 copy

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

(Trans-Pacific Stupidness) says: when u back

pH- in USA... says: 8 oct in singapore says: woooo so fast!

pH- in USA... says: siao.... 5 months le lor says: is still fast lah. u look different or not

pH- in USA... says: yah... i got mohawk now says: haHAHAHAHa. is it green color

pH- in USA... says: rainbow

pH- in USA... says: and got tattoo all over too.... says: coolios

pH- in USA... says: right hand is "save dafur".... left hand is "why give a fuck"

I still can't stand you but no one does Singlish better than you lah.

Monday, September 18, 2006

A Lacuna Project

They say that lost memories can be triggered when you see, hear or smell something which your brain remembers even if your mind doesn't.

And on this lazy afternoon when I have a couple of hours to kill before the working day starts, a combination of all three threw me back a year or so.

Not really the oops-take-a-step-back kinda throw, but more of a judo-slam-into-the-parquet-floor variety.

But yeah, an empty house to myself, the smell of afternoon rain, brown-coloured bedsheets with the light falling on it at just the right angle, still clad in pyjamas, the feeling of not having anything to do at all for the moment. Then the right Heather Nova song comes on the the key turns in the lock and everything becomes too too familiar.

I remember being particularly intrigued by the topic of synthetic/implanted memories in school. There's a proper term for it... but it eludes me at the moment.

Haha where's Lacuna when you need 'em.

The Last Thing I Saw

The Last Thing You'll See

Ok, not the last thing. But in a perfect world where the size of one's claws mattered it would be. Cat gets defensive propotionally to altitude. Its puzzling.

Nothing's much been happening. Am not involved with the whole IMF ruckus, and based on what I hear its as if a whole new country has sprung up in the Suntec area, what with the gates and barricades and detours and happy shiny people.

And oh!!!


I met the Fourth Taxidriver to give me blank stares in response to the direction "Esplanade, please" only to "AHhhh" "Ohhhhh" in that "Why didn't you just say so earlier" tone when I sigh in resignation and say in mandarin "The Two Big Durains".

Kid you not, I don't!

And oh, I took more pointless voiddeck photos.

Toys For Them


Gates of Safety

This last one made me laugh like crazy. Well ok, laugh inwardly so as to not really appear too crazy. Its like the toll booth on the yellow brick road. Or something. Someone REALLY doesn't want too fat people to get to their estate. (Its really really narrow. I had to put my bag behind me to sidle through.)

I met Grumpy Cleaner Lady today. Hadn't seen her around at work lately, I figured she got transferred to another floor. Turns out that she got fired. She says that someone had called the security office and complained. She doesn't know (or doesn't want to say) why, but she's pretty Grumpy about it.

I would never ever want to be the cause of someone losing his or her job. That ranks right up there on the List of Unnecessary Evils alongside 1. Telling Boyfriend that Ex was Better in Bed and 2. Telling Smiling Bride her Wedding Gown Makes Her Look Fat.

Why would you do it? Other than the obvious reasons like stealing, assault and battary, murder and casting of hexes - why would you want to make someone lose his or her job?

I can never understand the vast numbers of people who write letters, make phonecalls, send emails to the Forum just to make a point that they are NOT HAPPY with somebody's inadequete service.

Sure, it makes great fodder for dinner gossip/ranting. But to actually take the proactive step to deprive that person of a living?

I don't get it.

Grumpy Cleaner Lady is still cleaning, but now at a Toa Payoh noodle shop. As she scrapped the scraps (haha) into the bin she muttered in Mandarin, "Got time come back and visit, ah."

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Light Play

: I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me. But... I just feel like something's missing.
Willow: He's not making you miserable?
Buffy: Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like he wouldn't cause me heartache.
Willow: Get out. Get out while there's still time.

(S4E3 Something Blue)

Spotlight Whore

Pretty lights make psychedelic Jess happy. I want to sit behind the console and bury people's faces in shadows all day.


This is post-tequila ranting.

Despite my efforts to remain a non-groupie, I find myself continuing to gravitate towards locations populated by familiar people and sights.

I'm not too sure why this is the case, I am but surely a subscriber to the whole "variety is the spice etc" routine. However, I've reasoned it to be - I want to be happy when I chill out, and not have to make any sort of efforts at making new friends and acquaintances. The whole "hi how are you what's your name what do you do ah i see" routine is much too tiring after working hours.

So Fendi (as seen above) has found himself a loyal stalker. Aside from the good money he pays me to take pictures, I completely recommend him if you are looking for a soul/jazz/funk fusion. Think classic fusion of Michael Jackson/EarthWindFire/Stevie Wonder/J. Timberlake/George Benson/Maxwell/Billy Mann.

So this is what I am used to. This is what my mind instantly reacts to, instantly relaxes to.

It feels like a much "older" lifestyle than what I should be indulging in. Of course, I don't feel too young, but this is the apparent consensus amongst the known masses.

But seriously dudes, I am tired of reacting to reactions to my age. If 22 frightens you, I'll say 27, although I don't see the difference. I am tired of hearing the You're So Young I'm So Old speech. I am tired of eye-rolling and the This-Is-Before-Your-Time-How-Come-You-Know-This-Song questions. If I don't ask why you listen to J. Timberlake, don't ask why I know EWF.

Before my time, before my time. What time is that exactly?

So I trudged down to a younger place today. Britpop instead of Americansoulfunk. Undergrads instead of working adults. Graffiti instead of Decor on walls.

What difference did it make? None whatsoever.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I clapped a Miyazaki soot ball between my hands and it scattered into a thousand more and filled the ceiling. Kitty was not amused. There's no focus in my attack!!!

I love those soot balls.

Please, Just Hurry Up and Die.

That's my mom's current wish upon

this dude. Its Seulpeun Yeonga fever in my house, and my mom wants someone to die so the series will end and she (and the rest of us) can resume normality.

I'm betting that its the Blind-Girl-Who-Regains-Sight who will get tragically knocked down by a car driven by her long-dead mother while she's fleeing towards the Fountain Of Eternal Love. Dad has his bet on the Spoilt-Rich-Brat-Who-Finds-True-Love-And-Earns-Scorn-Of-Family-And-Himself. We all agree it'd be suicide though.

This show does not bring out the best in my family.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Heartstrings in a Tube

Had the good luck of someone else's bad luck and got to watch Singapore Dreaming before it hits theatres tomorrow.

I much prefer the Mandarin title, for some reason.

I'm not much of a movie reviewer, and I don't want to spoil the movie for the rest of ya... so well, just go watch it. I think you all will, anyway.

Lim Yu Beng's yummy.

And 'Fuck' was uttered once in the movie. Slightly surprising considering the large number of kiddos in the cinema. Ah.. they've to learn sometime.

If I ever have kids, I'm fairly certain I'll be the one to (accidentally) expose them to That Word first. Either me, or the TV.

Just one day after my ranting on crazy women in love with Korean Hunks, I came home to see Mom settling down in front of the TV at an unprecedented time of 1 am with a set of VCDs her colleague had lent her.

"Very exciting lah. Quite addictive."

The curse of Kwong Sang Woo has hit the house.

"So, do you even know what's his name in the show?"
"Er.... Something-Ying lah. Dunnowhat-Ying."
"And there's a blind girl. Why is there always a blind girl? I bet they'll meet and fall in love."
"Oh they've lovers already. Kenna separated."

The show comes on, and already the pretty boy is getting bashed up by a bunch of evil men. His clothes may be muddied, and traces of blood outlines his mouth - but his skin is still soft and ohsosmooth.

"Oh no.. Don't tell me the stepmother ran away with the money..."
"Oh the father got arrested ah?"
"Ya lah, the mother died already."

Soap Operas are in a class of their own. 30 minutes of heart-warming tragedy, right in the comfort of your own home.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Vague Disclaimers are Nobody's Friend

Was inspired to re-rent Buffy after realising how much I miss Joss Whedon's dialogue when I (finally) watched Serenity.

Sure, the mid-fighting one-liner quips and puns are not the classiest acts around, but I guess I love it for that.

Oh Buffy, I want every single coat and pair of boots you wear in the show.

I first watched the show when I was in Secondary Two, sitting in front of the TV every Tuesday night five minutes before it started and shooing my dad away from the remote control. I'd get goosebumps just waiting. Even when watching the DVD, I don't bother to fast-forward during the intro sequence at the beginning because I love that damn theme song.

I wonder what happened to Seth Green - one of the earlier celebrity crush (I''m sorry, Backstreet Boys do not count) before Johnny Depp came along and wiped off all competition on the planet.

Went to shoot a meet-the-fans session for some actor dude from Korea. While waiting for His Majesty to show, I simply couldn't shake off this creepy feeling that made me want to run and cower and hide. I think it was the presence of more than 1,000 IMH-worthy women.

Celebrity crushes are fun and fine and all that, I've collected a fair number of posters in the past and I think i'd probably be willing to fork out $160 to see Johnny Boy. However, the creep-factor is when a large number of like-minded women converge in a single location, and some sort of freakazoid twilight zone of love is created. If I'd uttered a blashphemy ("His skin where got smooth, so ugly!") they'd have bashed my head in with their posters and flowers and offered my lifeless body as a sacrifice.

Ok scrap that, they'd offer their own lifeless body as a sacrifice to him.

During the painfully-fake Q&A session, the host asked him what his ideal girl should be like. He'd be uttering politically-correct statements so far so I was expecting the usual "its what's inside that counts" statements.

But instead, he said that she should be "feminine". And have a good complexion.

"Can she be fat?"

I held my breath. I wanted to yell "TELL THE TRUTH YOU BASTARD!!! Tell half the room they don't stand a chance!"

He put on an apologetic look, and slowly shook his head. For the first time, the room didn't oohh and aaahh at his reply.

The host tried to rescue the situation, but I think the damage was done.

I thought it was bloody hilarious.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Different perspectives


Everything's a little bit blurry these days. Like Clementine said, "I feel like I'm always pissy now. I don't like myself when I'm with him. I don't like myself anymore."

Of course, I'm "him". I'm Joel. I'm making myself pissy, and I don't like myself very much anymore like this.

The big question then, is - Why? I don't quite know the answer myself, suffice to say that I am spending a lot of time thinking about my short fuse. Unhappiness is always a lot easier to deal with when there's a reason for it, no matter how stupid it may be. In fact, the stupider it is, the easier to deal with it.


Another random crossing of paths. Meet Antoine, 24-year-old photographer from France. Sleeping in a hammock in Goa, cycling through northern India on a bicycle and heading to study taiqi in Beijing.

While the hippie lifestyle always has its attractions for obvious escapist reasons, I felt somewhat relieved that his travelling tales didn't quite evoke in me that same jealous sense of wanting to leave as it may have before. I figure I'm the sort who would want to travel with a purpose in mind.

"I was so amazed to find all these good bicycles in Singapore! All these brands.. very good, very solid bicycles."
"What's so strange about that? You have them in France as well."
"Yes... but there are mountains in France."

I thought it was funny.

He urged me to leave. When I'm "still young" and can "sleep anywhere".


On a pissy note, it never ceases to amaze me how grown-up adults still engage in gossip. I don't deny that I gossip, but I find it difficult to fathom how a stranger's life makes for good conversation fodder.

Thursday, August 17, 2006


I ache. All. Over.

Sufia and her family has been constantly asking Zaid and Rajiv for money. From me. For a car. A car which I said I could not buy, and made clear that I would not.

I gave them S$200 because that was what she needed for a driver's license. And I felt that it was only right I did something within my abilities. Heck, my cheque from ST was instantly cashed and sent over by my father since my bank account was empty.

Somehow, intent and meaning got mixed up in the translation. Because now my friends in Dhaka are bearing the consequences of my actions. (She wanted to be a driver to earn money, which is what she apparently did in the past.)

A few months ago, I received phone call from Sufia. She started crying on the phone, and obviously I had no idea what she was talking about, only the word "koshto" which means pain.

I'd heard this word quite a lot during my time spent with them.

Zaid says they're being exploitative. I'm not too sure they are. I don't know what I did by giving them that money and my attention and my friendship. I don't know if it made them greedy, or if I had simply created a misunderstanding of expectation which I couldn't correct since I can't speak the language.

I don't think Zaid's very pleased with having to see this side of a family that he's known for 8 years. "I think they only remember me post-Jessica," he said.

What have I done? This is all very confusing to me.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Phase 0.1

I feel a bit like Bridget Jones, or at least what I can vaguely remember of the character from the book and movie.

I remember she had these sudden spurts of motivation to engage in Self Improvement (diet, exercise, happy thoughts etc) which would inevitably end in Failure after the original motivation for the action (A Man) somehow came in to destroy what he started.

So Bridget and I have very different motivations. Hers = A Man (Even if she doesn't admit it). Me = My Sanity?

Just today I attended a fitness class and lapped up the final chapter of one of 17 books purchased at the Library Book Sale.

Exercise and Reading! Say it ain't so!

Before you know it, I'd have entered Phase Two and taken up all sorts of sports, start running at East Coast every other day, signed up to be a volunteer helping Unfortunate Souls, find a renewed love for brocolli and removed all complex carbohydrates from my diet. Phase Three would include a Divorce from my longtime partner Procrastination (we just ain't right together baby) and the discovery of Goodness Within Myself And All Others Even Those Who Are Really Pricks.

(previous sentence a grammatical nightmare, i know)

The fitness class was named "Modern Dance Fitness". But something that torturous must be at least slightly medieval. I never knew how much energy walking required until I had none left and, well, couldn't walk quite right.

I was quite glad for the rundown-ness of the place. Its very very tacky, but I like it. For some reason I can't quite fathom, thinking of myself in the middle of Shenton Way at one of those Branded Yoga Centres amidst swirling clouds of lavender chiffon curtains and scented candles make me feel a tad bit sick.

Two of the women in the class really stood out. They were the oldest amongst the 12 or so of us, wearing the least clothes and undeniably the fittest.

Truth be told, I felt like a bit of a psychomotorfuckwit and consoled myself by convincing my tired and gullible mind that these women probably have been doing it for years.

Clad in sports bras and track pants (all very bright and cheery coloured) they moved to the beat even when the rest of us already started kneeling on the floor in pain.

Later on, they left together. One had changed out of her track pants into working pants and a pair of stilettos. I couldn't help but cock my head in wonder as I watched her sashay out in her sports bra and killer heels.

Yesterday, after calling me 'weak', the teacher had poked my stomach and said firmly "And this. This has got to go!"

I've already cut down on beer, more out of No Chance To Drink rather than Choice. I can't cut down on food, because, well.. its just not an option. I already removed KFC as a essential food group and I am not compromising anymore.

Ok wait, I've to clarify. I am not trying to lose weight. I am (as mentioned earlier) trying to maintain sanity. I feel lembeh and sluggish and I hate not being able to button pants properly.

So THERE. That's my motivation.

I give it a month.


Just something from Chinatown.

Marching Ahead Together

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Double faced

Cat couldn't understand why everything she does is cute.

"Surely, I have to have some level of unpleasantness!" (She had just come out from a bout of sulking.)

"Give me a dirty look then," I challenged.

She stuck out her tongue, which made me giggle so badly I had to turn my back around to avoid hurting her feelings.

"You're all fools," she muttered, and turned and left.


It made me think though, about what kind of thoughts cats might be hiding under a veneer of chronic cuteness.

For instance, this one could be thinking "FEED ME. BITCH.", and not "Oh you darling please drop me another bite I am sooo hungry and I luv you I luv you please feed me please I will meow for food!".

Will Meow For Food

Went back to the kopitiam near my primary school for lunch today. The bak chor mee was not as great as I remembered it to be.

I used to buy iced water from the drinks stall because I was too stingy to spent 80 cents on a can drink.

Yes, I said 'buy'. The lady charged me 30 cents for ice and tap water.


For the Record:

Mr Masagos Zulkifli uttered these words of wisdom regarding pre-marital sex in front of teenagers at a youth forum today:

"Just like how you don't want your girl to be a second-hand girl, you shouldn't make a girl a second-hand girl to someone else".

[The second half of the sentence is not verbatim, because there were a couple of uhmms and ahhh - but I remain true to the meaning and context]

I felt like such a slut for a spilt second when he said that. He went on to mention something about not wanting a "second-hand wife" as well.

There's a discussion to be had regarding political correctness and the absurdities of life - but not when I have The Office Special waiting to be watched.

Priorities, people. Priorities.

Friday, August 11, 2006


Last Hurrah

More text to follow.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Scars of Hygiene

So yes, I did complete two out of three on the previous To-Do List (hooray!), substituting the last point for a TripleHomeSpecialCombo (One Time Offer Only!) consisting of the ever delightful Vacumn That Damn Floor together with the Change The Damn Sheets and Clear Your Damn Room package.

Sure is nice to see tiles again.

It was time for a clean up. Yes Cat, that includes you as well. This house's Hygiene Chart ranks Soap+Water above Saliva. Surely, even you can see the logic in that.

Cleanliness is overrated

Erm, ok. Clearly not.

Huimei says that cats are rendered too unhappy by the prescene of water to do anything else other than express that unhappiness.

This would explain why all my battlescars are from AFTER the bath and not during.

It is really quite heartbreaking to hear her yowl her lungs out in the toilet. I feel sorry for my neighbours. I would not want to live next to a house that sounds like a temporary torture chamber for harmless domesticated animals.

So she alternates between seeking refuge in the corner and scrabbling at the door. I've learnt an early, and painful, lesson about how Cat will seek the highest ground - my head - to get away from water so I keep watch for telltale pouncing signs. My skin does not a good ladder make.

After the painful first lesson I've resorted to wearing JEANS during her bathtime so that I can hold her still in my lap while I scrub and rinse. Denim's the thickest material around the house to protect my knees from the claws hanging on to it for dear life. When they invent steel pants, I'm running out and buying a pair.

However, her passiveness in the toilet quickly mutates into sheer, unbridled anger when she's placed in the drying-room (cage).

Now that the water's gone, she has the prescene of mind to see that the person who put her throught 15 minutes of agony is still in front of her and rationally concludes that I am waiting for my just punishment.

Battle Scars

I know she's not a dog, but she sure is a bitch.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Void Deck

I. Need. A. Massage.

Not "want", but "NEED".

This is what I've discovered I can fit into three off days :

- Two seasons of The Office
- Two seasons of Seinfeld
- One entire day lying on the fake sand by the fake beach on the real island called Sentosa
- Hours of lying on my stomach and staring at Cat
- One night of drunken debauchery
- Half of a very funny book

You must understand, that I started out with a much more dignified and respectable To-Do list. But after the first day I just surrendered to the Nothingness and let it consume my life.

So tomorrow, on my fourth off day in six days (kill me already) I will :

- Drop off film
- Bath Cat
- Recce farfarfaraway place for shoot

I think I once mentioned that my notebook is filled with unchecked lists - and this image of empty boxes keep coming back to me. It's tragic but there's something hilarious funny about it.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Note to Self

Do not alert Mothership about planned trip to cemetery when the Gates of Hell are opened.

Monday, July 31, 2006


Pernicious Pet

Cat asked me today why I still insisted on locking her up at home. Surely her evilness would have proved itself worthy of a release by now, she said.

Ah, I replied, but it is precisely your perniciousness that has created an obsession within me, and alas, you will never be free.

She sulked all day, constantly mumbling under her breath something about me already having taken her ovaries.

I wanted to correct her, and tell her if I had known the process would've involved the complete dispossession of said internal organs - I would never have put her through it. My naivety had assumed it simply meant some snipping or tying up of tubes.

But she just sat there staring at me, and I thought maybe the old saying about ignorance and bliss would work in my favour in this case.

Besides, I really don't know how she would react to that piece of information, and there's only so much I can do to guard myself against her.

Quizzical Queen

I really like how her looks are so deceiving. Little paws, neatly folded under her fuzzy, furry chest. Quite dainty, really. Yeah, ninjas are pretty dainty too.

Sunday, July 30, 2006


Of A Feather

Gloomy skies.

No thanks to a MSN conversation a couple of days earlier, I've been constantly feeling jealous when I remember that whilst I'm running in the rain frantically trying to organise a shoot - Lars is somewhere in the mountains breathing fresh air and feeling alive.

Of course, I can feel alive right here too but the grass is always greener on the Norwegian mountainside.

DSC_0155 copy

Am off Mon-Wed. Will be trying my best to leave country. See You All.


Ok stitching photos together - not really my thing.

National Stadium

Our very last National Day Parade at the National Stadium which will be torn down at the end of the year. Ironically, also my first "official" NDP. I've attended a few before, but I don't recall when or what happened - so it doesn't really count.

The Stadium's got some real character. Rotting wooden benches, melting track, Peeling paint and utterly dirty insides. There's no doubt that its old and worn, and yet I remember it always having been this way.

At some point during the parade, they will show a short video commemorating the place. Some sorta nostalgic, thank-you-for-the-memories piece.

Its all very morbid to me, something along the lines of holding the funeral for a dying man and saying his eulogy in front of him - before he actually dies.

"We know you're gonna go soon, and we just want to tell you you've been great!"

I try to ignore that clip - it really pisses me off.

I'm a real sucker for the whole NDP package. The crowd, the songs, the flags... Its really something to step out onto the tracks and see the entire stadium filled. I sing along to the stupid propaganda songs - and I like it.

I've liked it so far, 3 Previews and counting, maybe because the official guests aren't here. Now its just us having a bit of fun by ourselves. Private party. The head honchos only show for the real thing, and in a weird way I kinda wish they wouldn't come. Then it becomes their party - if you know what I mean.


Ah when I put up this picture, I know this is the part where I'm getting emotionally carried away. Because when I see kids, I think about what kind of Singapore they will live in when they grow up, and what parts of Singapore they will lose to get there.

Probably doesn't help that I'm listening to Home - by far the best theme song (as many others have said). Never knew all the songs and videos were available at Sing Singapore.

So I watched a couple, and I found it interesting that the video for Home has Kit Chan sitting in a room watching old movies. Its very nostalgic, most of the clips are of her as a kid running about Singapore.

And when you contrast that to the more recent stuff - which are by far much more "modern" because it includes a lot of stuff about technology, economy - the whole thing about moving ahead - it makes sense why I like that song the best.

If they ever ask me, I'll tell them that having nice nostalgic clips in National Day videos is NOT a good propaganda strategy.

You can't remind people of the good old days when you keep destroying stuff from those good old days. It just pisses people off.

I could never be a politician. I wouldn't know how to move ahead for the good of a country. I'd selfishly keep everything the way it was. In fact, regression may not be such a terrible thing. Then my kampong of a country will die off from the international economic scene and we will all have chickens and ducks with no fear of bird flu since we no longer engage in international trade.

Ah. That would be home, surely.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Happy Feet

This is the best thing ever. I knew my dreams of Nellie the Equatorial Penguin would never materialise, but maybe her Hollywood counterpart did.

Or watch the better quality trailers here, here and here.

Trash-talking, reggae-lovin', street-styled penguins? Oh lord!

"Kiss our frozen tushy. Kiss it Kiss it!" *Jess rolls over dead with laughter*

Friday, July 28, 2006


Before the lunancy of the day takes over and erases my fragile memories of dreams:

LARS I dreamt of you last night! Wearing a bloody thick winter coat lugging that bag and camera and everything.

You were too busy on the phone to talk to me.


Get your ass down here.


Toilet Degrees

I told you it was fugly.

More pics to folllow.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The I’d Rather Be This Than That Meme

Also known as the Most Inane Meme ever started by an Asshat.

How do you even pronounce "asshat" and "meme"?

I actually love playing this "would you rather this or that" game so everything here is something that have been discussed and debated at length with like-minded inane people.

  1. I'd rather be a Vampire from Anne Rice's novels than the Highlander (eternal-living fictional characters)

  2. I'd rather be caught enthusiastically dancing to Mambo than puking outside Zouk (alcohol-related embarassing moments).

  3. I'd rather be Elaine from Seinfeld than Cristina from Grey's Anatomy (on screen bitches)

  4. I'd rather have a unicorn tattooed on my forehead than a Smurf (tattoo dares)

  5. I'd rather play the piano than the guitar (musical preferences)

And because I have no one to tag (other than the first one), since most those who read this either don't have blogs or hide behind invisible anonymous masks of cowardice:

  1. Ghim

  2. Lee Kuan Yew

  3. J. B. Jeyaretnam

  4. Chee Soon Juan

  5. Low Thia Kiang

Well, they do have websites.

Word of the Day : Plebeian

Witness! The Stare.

Her Evilness

Everytime I tell people that my cat is evil, they think that I'm trying to be cute. Well, I'm not. She really is, and I know you don't know her, but she hates you already. I'll prove it if you have time to drop by her lair.

I think she channels all the Dark Sides of Me.

I don't know what I channel from him.

Lao Pei

Penchant for random and un-funny remarks perhaps?

We picked up the fugly gown and hat today from Serangoon Broadway.

"Wah lau you open up one next door lah! Serangoon Sideway! Undercut their price!"

6,500 students will be graduating. Assuming 500 don't go/don't want to go/not able to go, that damn place makes a grand total of $210,000 from selling fugly gowns and hats.

Not to mention all the suckers they will convince to fork out a couple of hundred for photos with fake books and bookshelves and globes.

As dad said, "Wah lau, so big picture for what. Later argue already then still have to see each other's faces in the hall sure damn pek chek."

True that.


I read Pres Su's Convocation Speech online, cos, ya know, he might have a gem or two to guide a young soul like me. Check out this sentence:

"We emphasize a broad based education and a multi-cultural character consonant with the cultural mosaic of Singapore and the rise of Asia."

Alliteration is all the rage these days. Its amazing! I can't even read it out loud.

I think I could rap it though.


In case you are wondering why I'm in a good mood - SPH upped my pay. Kao-bei-ing pays off.

Monday, July 24, 2006


I will wear a fugly gown and hat on Thursday. As if the dressing was not already terrible enough, they also made a list of things you cannot wear to appear normal :

Because, ya know, this is a traditional and prestigious and once-in-a-lifetime ceremony and god forbid you actually be comfortable during those couple of hours.

Its going to be so much fun, I can hardly wait.


The Effect :


And its Cause:



Apparently my blog is listed by the Institute of Policy Studies as a journalist's blog. I've done a brief search online which yielded nothing. So maybe its a secret list. Or I heard wrongly.

Either way, its totally awesome! This month, I wrote intelligent and insightful reports on ninjas, movies and my ex-boyfriend. Such perfect academic material! Lucky bastards you!