95 days: Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

A first bit of good news for a while! Shahidul finally answered, forwarded the thing to OPA. Hope it's not too late... I DID technically make the 30th Sept deadline... Hee Hee Hee. This is what excites me the most.

"help on photo assignments for Banglarights (human rights portal)"

"non-critical outdoor assignments. (done initially in partnership with Drik photographer, but later independently)"

Yeah yeah it doesn't sound like much...but STILL!!

All smiles now =)

95 days

I LIKE


>

Also known as Chip Esten... on Whose Line Is It Anyway!!!!
Thanks to Yiqi to the mountain loads of clips you've lent to me.... it's a gem.

96 days: The Trial Continues

By far the worst news conference I've ever attended today.
It's sad because it's our last, and I'm not too affected by it, but I have to admit that it is rather sad.

But, what to do?

It didn't help that the whole room was like some gas chamber. I'd say sauna but that sounds too good already. And the weird seating arrangment just messed everything up.

While I know I'm guilty of it sometimes, I'm still going to go ahead and say that I'm sick and tired of people who talk amongst themselves.

I'm sick and tired that no one has anything to say.

For goodness sake, it's been a semester, and still the year two are NOT saying anything constructive AT ALL. Other than contributing here and there, the occasions on which they do that can count with my fingers.

But the talking really irritates the fuck out of me.

I'm not talking about little whispers here and there. These are PROLONGED sessions. Like what the fuck, we're trying to do something good here, not interested just get out lah.

Ok I think I'm more affected by this than I thought.

Nevermind. Post Mort must rock. Especially since I've not been there for like, what, past two times? *sigh* plead guilty and wait for forgiveness.


-------------------------------------------------


I've decided to go ahead and push for Drik. No matter what. Unless my parents violently object. I know I can do this, I'm not going to deprive myself of this.

Six months in Bangladesh by myself.

I'll be surprised if I come back the same person.


-------------------------------------------------


311 assignment met with yet another dead end. For the first time I'm really trying my very best to meet the deadline, and now this happens. It's enough to make me cry.


On another note, interview with AFP went off quite well today. I like the place, I'm hoping it'd take me in case Drik doesn't go through. But then again, it WILL it WILL it WILL. Shyam just emailed me saying that everything will be tied up tomorrow. Come on Shyam, I trust you.

He's flying to Dhaka for something on Dec 10. I'm wondering if I should go together to get orientated with him. It'll help me settle in faster etc.

But that means me spending my 21st birthday in Dhaka. Joce did spent hers in Yunnan, and I don't see her complaining about it.

Guess I was just looking forward to it, for the first time... not a big birthday person. My friends would know. I hate buying presents.

96 days: The beautiful people

Rock is back.

I don't want you and I don't need you

don't bother to resist or I'll beat you

It's not your fault that you're always wrong

the weak ones are there to justify the strong

the beautiful people, the beautiful people

it's all relative to the size of your steeple

you can't see the forest for the trees

you can't smell your own shit on your knees

there's a time to discriminate,

hate every motherfucker

that's in your way

Hey you, what do you see?

something beautiful, something free?

hey you, are you trying to be mean?

if you live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

The worms will live in every host

it's hard to pick which one they eat most

the horrible people, the horrible people

it's as anatomic as the size of your steeple

capitalism has made it this way,

old-fashioned fascism will take it away

I absolutely adore him.

---------------------------------------------

I haven't spoken to my parents about Drik yet. I know if I persist and stand my ground they'll still let me go. But should I?

I don't know why I don't feel guilty about spending their money, or putting my life in danger. I've always been selfish this way. Not sure about the latter, will Shyam be either that irresponsible or think I'm that smart to stay out of danger? Maybe it's all over-rated anyway.

I still want to go, it doesn't make a difference to me. But to my parents.... it does I think.

Fuck, what to do, what to do what to do.

Pray and hope for the best I suppose. Everyone wish me luck.

96 days: Cannonball

I'm tired.

Finally finished 311 Assignment 2. I'm proud of it. But what difference will it make? I'll get a D anyway. I told KCC to reconsider his "harsh decision". But I think unless I wear a short skirt with nothing else and ask him he's not going to reconsider.

Hiyah shall stop being mean to him.


----------------------------------------


Drik is looking up. Shyam has a wonderful way of reassuring people. Although pple have told he he has a reputation of being a scatter brain. Slack. Forgetful.

But he's so nice!!!! How to get pissed?

Wondering if I'll dare to go Drik alone. I don't know leh. But something tells me that I'll try to anyway. Because I'm the Queen of Make-Potentially-Bad-Decisions-And-See-What-Happens.


----------------------------------------


Shall go and read the fucking thick stack of newslink articles for 311. I am NOT missing the deadline ANYMORE.

XXX days: Pink Moon

If I hear the Hoobastank song, the Reason, one more time I'm going to inflict some sort of physical pain on the nearest object that is capable of feeling pain.

I'd rather have my head plugged into the Best of the BSB (if you know what it means, yeah i feel the shame).

Nevermind.

--------------------------------

I don't know if my list worked.
As of now, I've two items left to do.

1. Think of feature story
2. Finish 311

My notebook is full of unchecked lists. I think that means something.
I think there's something very amusing about that too.

XXX days: It's sad but true.

I'm worried about Drik. Doesn't make sense to send more emails, Swee's been doing all the work so far, but i guess now it's up to shyam and see how he manages to turn things around.

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My work is piling up. Slowly but surely.

Two smallish articles
Two big articles
301 final project
Lit essay
316 tutorial presentation
316 term paper
photos photos photos

damn FUCK.
things are going to have to change around here.

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www.bookcraves.com

i was excited when I read about it. Apparently, free delivery anywhere in singapore, online browsing of books available... sounded good. Until i did my checklist gauge.

To see if a book store is worth my time, I look for three books.

1. Prozac Nation
2. John Banville
3. George Eliot

Nada, nada, nada.

Tsktsktsk.

They have more recent, Borders-y sorta top10 best sellers kinda books. No harm looking.

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i can't move my ass down to ah soh's class. =(

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by today i will:
1. Finish one 311 essay.
2. Contact people for the second essay
3. think of a good story for Feature.
4. Find out when all the damn assignments are due.


Small but manageable goals =)


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102 days: i just scalded my tongue

I wish I weren't 21.

I wish for a lot of things, but not going to get them, so don't wish already lor. But it's human nature to wish lah. I think.

Feeling very sad now, very burnt out, very frustrated, very in the need of an escape.

Been having weird dreams, horrible dreams, disturbing dreams, dreams that leave me puzzled. Why am I having such thoughts?

I wish I had money, was working, so i can support myself and give money to my parents.

I wish I could know for sure that by the time i'm 30 I'll be happily married with children.

My priorities will change, I will change. Some things I wish for now I won't want next time.

I wish I had a second try at life so I can benefit from the lessons I'm learning now.

What happens once may as well never have happened at all? Maybe.

I'm just whining, ranting, rambling, being random, being irritating, being an emotional, indecisive, think-too-much girl.

This is me at my most self-indulgent.

I wish I had a remote control for myself. So I can control my feelings and my emotions and my actions better. Stepford Stepford Stepford.

105 days: Hm

What's worse than being a opposition candidate in Singapore?

A nature activist.

Kill Bill Volume 2

Because I'm that erm bored, I'm going to talk about Kill Bill V2 as I watch it. It's 316 lah.

-Film Noir:
Uma Thurman in a car, talking to the audience. This is new, don't think he used this last time.
-Element of chinese kung fu music in intro.
-black and white film.
-traditional chinese instruments to build up tempo
- it's a beautiful dance of death, alternating between their footsteps and their faces.
- how does he get the glowing look in black and white????
- and now suddenly he's into Western!!
- violins... Texas background... trailer... cowboy hat... "i don't dodge guilt"
- A ninja in Texas?????????

-Old chinese kung fu man with long white beard!
-We've entered wu xia pian era!!!
- The chinese flute music!
- The rapid zooming in and out that bruce lee films had!
- The ability to fly!
- Tiger's Claw and Eagle's Foot!
- oh ok... rock music with kung fu fight scene....
- oh look! it's from Buffy!
- the lone ranger!

-ok the fight scene between her and Elle kicks total ass

-spanish music! like going for a bull fight!

105 days: there's a party right here

Music. Food for the body.

Go to launch.com HERE and listen to Damien Rice, featuring Lisa Hannigan.

Don't hold yourself like that

You'll hurt your knees

I kissed your mouth and back

But that's all I need

Don't build your world around

volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you

is not real

What I am to you

you do not need

What I am to you

is not what you mean to me

You give me miles and miles of mountains

And I'll ask for the sea

Don't throw yourself like that

In front of me

I kissed your mouth your back

Is that all you need

Don't drag my love around

volcanoes melt me down

--------------------------------

Dreams.

I have had two dreams so far about killing my own child. Well, the last one I saw her die, so it's indirectly I suppose.

In last night's dream, I was at a library at the top of the World Trade Centre. ( because of some video I watched on the WTC before i slept.)

It didn't look anything like the WTC though, but that's what I knew it was.

Then I remember they said there was a simulation exercise. We had to evacuate. So everyone went out this door, that lead out of the top of the building. There was a little platform to stand on, as if you're gonna base jump.

The surroundings were dark. Reddish dark. No sun. As if it all took place in a huge amphitheatre.

Then, there we these two long cloth ropes. Those kind princesses make when they want to escape from their castle. The ropes were very thick, and knotted.

At each knot, as far as my eye could see down (building was curved, so i can't see the bottom), there were already people hanging on to each knot. Lots and lots of people.

I took the last one, the knot right at the top. The rope had a metal ring at the top which was hooked to the building.

Somehow, there wasn't much weight on the rope, and when I was holding on to it, the metal ring came off the hook.

And we fell.

I felt like I was holding on to everyone. It was so heavy. People were screaming. I kept trying to twist my hand arounf the rope for a better grip. I thought the rope would save us, like work like a parachute.

I was worried my hand would break from the weight.

Then we hit the bottom. It looked like the bottom of a canyon. There were rocks and the ground was brown.

I wasn't hurt. But I saw bodies limply being flung against the rock. I could hear the thuds of bodies, I saw them being twisted in rather inhuman ways.

I was lying on the floor, and a child was lying in front of me.

I knew it was my daughter, somehow. I crawled to her.

She had a fringe, black hair. About 8 or 9 years old. Her left eye and nose was bloodied, as if she landed on a rock at the back of her head and the rest of her head got protruded out. But she didn't look too disfigured.

I thought she was dead, and I was crying. Then suddenly, her right eye opened, and she saw me and she said, "Mommy?"

And I was going Yes, yes I'm here.

Her last words were "Mommy? I just want to know if you love me."

And I said "Yes, of course I love you. I love you."

Then I don't remember anything else.

106 days: little angry people

Been thinking a lot about Dhaka. I mean, more than usual.

A lot of people who had friends/family told me it's a great place. And I'm not about to doubt that. But i am scared. Because I get bad PMS. And when I'm emotional and homesick. Hiyoh.

But I know I'll be fine. It's the no-choice syndrome. I only whine when I can do something about it.

Man... that's a bad statement to make. But hiyah it's true.


--------------------------

Reading the papers today just reinforced the fact that, "MAN Singaporeans sure as hell love to complain."

I think that should replace our kiasu-mentra for Singaporean mentality. Like what the fuck we complain about everything. Everything is an issue.

Like that time when the guy wrote in complanining that there should be rules about people with irritating ring tones on the MRT trains. Apparently they disturb the peace.

And the person who wrote in today saying why we shouldn't let kids play at void decks. He said something like have you ever returned home tired from work only to have kids kick a football at your head.

Boy I sure as hope that person doesn't and never have kids.

How the hell did the football-at-voiddeck thing become an issue?? Forums discussing it... letters being printed... government agencies roped in for comment... hiyoh NONSENSE NONSENSE NONSENSE.

All those people who tried to justify the nails-on-the-wall movement should let me into their homes. If they have kids, I want to check and make sure they have a nice square drawn out with masking tape in the house marked as the "play zone" for their kids.

"No dinner for you tonight. Your monopoly pieces spilled outside the zone. Mommy say how many times already you still don't listen? huh? Big boy already right? Go school already still like that. Teacher never teach you in school is it? You want me to say how many more times then you listen? HUH HUH HUH?????????"

We have weird people here.



No lah fuck i'm not talking about me.

106 days: Like a fish outta water

Felt like I was going crazy in Orchard today. It was weird, very very weird. Haven't been there in ages, I just felt like I was really going to go crazy.

Brand new week, Brand new me. I'm gonna pull up my socks! Yes yes yes.


Why is it I can change the time and date of every entry as and when I want? It's scary.

We're all still walking, aren't we? We're still persisting, still keeping on, still sleeping, waking, still crouching on cans, still crouching in cars, still driving, driving, driving, still taking it, still eating it, still home-improving and twelve-stepping it, still waiting, still standing in line, still scrabbling in bags for a handfull of keys.

106 days: volcano

I think I'm going crazy.

108 days: take me down to the Paradise City

I think in my past life, I was a juggler in the circus.

I used to do my routines just after the bears did their little bicycle stint around the ring - and then it my turn. It was more for the kids really, I noticed the adults taking their time out to visit the loo.

My special was juggling with fire sticks. I'd light them up, all five at a time, and you could just hear the kids suck in their breathe. A morbid kind of fascination, "Is he gonna make it, Mom?", but it kept them glued nonetheless.

It was simple really, once you could do it with the clubs everything else was pretty much dandy. Just had to remind myself to hold it further front in case the lighter fluid dripped on me. It's not the face that you worry about when you're up there - it's your clothes. When they start burning, oh holy the show would end.

--------------------------------------

Which is why perhaps I have some sort of insane need to handle so many things now. I should just stick to playing with fire.

A procrastinating workaholic.

Altogether now, people!

P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C (to the tune of the mickey mouse club, as best as you can).

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Which is also why I'm secretly frightened by Joce's tarot card readings. I was hoping for some mystical sign that i need to stop procrastinating and pull up my socks - but the cards kept telling me to RELAX!

I AM RELAXED!

Or maybe not, I don't know.

I'm tired, that's for sure. Burnt out. I can't wait for the exams now. Just one focus. JUST ONE.

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I don't understand Martin Amis's Night-train.

This is what happens when you read a postmodern novella with a throbbing headache from a hangover at 3 a.m. in the morning.

Did Mike kill herself? Why did Jenniffer die? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY?

Damn you Amis! Damn you!

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111 days: Not over yet

Surfing around when I came across this on non other than the esteemed Mista Brown's site:

Here's the direct link to a damn good article by Daniel Pipes.

And an excerpt:

The press, however, generally shies away from the word terrorist, preferring euphemisms. Take the assault that led to the deaths of some 400 people, many of them children, in Beslan, Russia, on September 3. Journalists have delved deep into their thesauruses, finding at least twenty euphemisms for terrorists:
Assailants - National Public Radio.
Attackers – the Economist.
Bombers – the Guardian.
Captors – the Associated Press.
Commandos – Agence France-Presse

Criminals - the Times (London).
Extremists – United Press International.
Fighters – the Washington Post.
Group – the Australian.
Guerrillas: in a New York Post editorial.
Gunmen – Reuters.
Hostage-takers - the Los Angeles Times.
Insurgents – in a New York Times headline.
Kidnappers – the Observer (London).
Militants – the Chicago Tribune.
Perpetrators – the New York Times.
Radicals – the BBC.
Rebels – in a Sydney Morning Herald headline.
Separatists – the Christian Science Monitor.
And my favorite:
Activists – the Pakistan Times

--------------------------------

More good stuff at Thinkcentre.org

Media Watch:

New rules curb speech at Singapore speakers' spot

(Taipei Times)

--------------------------------------------

And I'm sorry to repeat links but Mr Brown's 100th National Education article rocked my socks:

Excerpts (but pls read the whole thing):

4. That not long after Singapore's Great Western Blackout, in a bid to keep up with us, Kuala Lumpur had a power blackout too, on the 19th of April. Anything Singapore can do, like have a power failure, Malaysia also boleh.

While Singapore's blackout happened in the dead of night in an ulu part of the island, KL had theirs during the morning rush hour, right smack in the city centre.

Singapore will have to work harder if they want to beat KL at having disasters. Damn, they're good.

8. That the Bukit Panjang LRT broke down yet again, for four hours, two weeks after re-opening from a 5-month, $350,000 bug-fixing exercise.

If the LRT were a horse, they'd shoot it.

The SMRT was going welcome its 60 millionth passenger on the LRT this month with a $500 set of five limited edition ez-link cards, to show its appreciation to commuters for using the line through the "challenging times in the earlier years".

I guess now it will be given to show its appreciation to commuters for using the line through the "challenging times in the earlier years and also er, now".

If it breaks down anymore, it will need a psychiatrist.

9. That soon, flats in Bukit Panjang will be advertised with "Nowhere near the LRT" as a selling point.

Chiou ka peng man, I tell you.

111 days: Queen of Convenience?

Hello Tym, forgot about your online prescence for a while.

It's late but I'm restless (two huge mugs of ice teh at newton's) and I can't sleep.

Had a talk with my brother, 'O' levels impending and all.

The education system in Singapore is tough. Wow, I didn't manage to say anything new in the last sentence.

There's no place for stupid people in Singapore. Seriously. Not to say that my brother is stupid, but if you screw up once, the rest of your life is screwed up.

How do you explain motivation to a 16-year-old who doesn't find any meaning in what he's doing? I salute his maturity. At his age, it was all about "A"s - that was my motivation. He's seen through the crap I think, perhaps no thanks to my cynical self at home.

Actually, how do you explain motivation to ANY 16-year-old? Unless his big big dream in life is to make it to RJC and land a PSC scholarship. If not, whatever any 16-year-old does (be it O or N levels) should make no sense to him.

Not to say that my life makes much sense right now. But I always wonder. What if I didn't make it to RJC? What if I hadn't got my 4As? What then? What would I be doing now?

It's dangerous to reflect too much on the "what if" aspect of life. Either way, you're sad about how things turned out, or you're scared about what if things didn't turn out this way - and if there's no other path.

I remember a guy I met while waiting to enter uni. He dropped out of poly after two years because he hated studying. When I met him, he was holding two jobs. A sales job from 1 to 7pm and a stint as a waiter in some pub from 9 till 3 am.

Every fucking day.

He makes about $2k a month, working like that. He's trying to earn as much money as possible before he has to serve NS.

It's tough being "stupid" in singapore. Stupid, in the Singaporean sense - cannot study.

Or maybe, you might say, anywhere else in the world too. But I wonder if the social stigma against school dropouts is as heavy elsewhere. Justin Timberlake didn't finish high school.

ERm well yeah like that means anything. But just to prove a point.

Nevermind I'm just rambling.

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Funny stuff I over heard:

My friend Sean said if he ever printed t-shirts he would want them to say either:
"God, save me from your followers."
"On the internet, my nickname is cutie15"

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More funny stuff from a typical Singaporean taxi-driver (read: politically vocal and anti-PAP)

(in dialect)
"Wah you want to fight the government? You know what we are? We're eggs you know! And you know what they are? No! Not rocks! They're diamonds!"

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What the gahment sorely needs to do:

1. Minimum wage and labour guidelines for foreign workers (esp maids)
2. A limit to the number of charity shows on television.
3. A mandatory program for all kids (especially the spanking rich ones) to spend a day doing the job of a cleaner/janitor.
4. Apologise to the country.

----------------------------------------------------------

The last point above, is because right now I feel as if we're cleaning up after its shit.

All the rhetoric to Singaporeans about us needing to "change our mindset", "speak up", "engage" pisses me off.

I agree its something that has to be done. But the way they're doing seems to say: "Look, we don't know why you're like that, but it's screwed up the way things are, and we need you to change ok?"

Erm ok, sure. But can you fucking apologise first for making us like this?

They're policies have been so ingrained within society that now they don't have to do it anymore - the parents and teachers do it for us.

Sick and tired of lecturers saying something critical of the government, then cracking a joke about "hope the ISD isn't listening hurhurhur".

The older generation, I say, gone case liao. Maybe that's why government only concentrating on the young - still got hope.

But all I wanna hear is, "Look, sorry we made you so schizo when it came to political affairs. Sorry we sued everyone out of the country or into bankruptcy. Sorry we screwed up your minds by controlling AWSJ and Herald Tribune's circulation. Sorry we made our country such that tourists buy "Singapore: a FINE country". Sorry that we were so hard-handed that when we try to liberalise, people make fun of our bungee jumping and bartop dancing."

"We admit we screwed up along the way. We're sorry, please forgive us and talk to us now."

Even when my piece on Chron's first issue this sem came out, so many peers said: "wah you not scared ah" "purple heart!". When a meeting was called "oh jess you die liao".

I admit I played along a little, hamming it up for the big show. But when it came down to it and when I thought about it - I just didn't understand the big deal.

I really had no qualms or second thoughts about that article. Maybe the cover page one, cos not enough pple polled.

But the big deal pple made just goes to show how scared we all are. Deep down, subconsciously.

Scared for WHAT??????? Who the fuck is gonna sue me? Will make a mockery out of the government. The wires will have a field day.

"Even a 21-year-old undergraduate was not spared from the lawsuit-happy government of Singapore."

School wanna clamp down on me? Wah damn scary LOR.

There are some things worth toeing the line for. Others are not worth getting into trouble over. I wouldn't do an expose on some trivial thing in school, even if it makes for sensational news, because it's just NOT WORTH THE EFFORT (sorry ph, but i pick my fights).

112 days: tired, schired

For the first time ever, I don't feel happy/relieved/relaxed with the prospect of having a week-long break.

After the past few weeks... I think I'm in total denial that I'll ever get a break. It's like, put a plate of food in front of a starving man and he thinks he's hallucinating.

Give me till Wednesday, when the feeling of nothingness will hit me good and proper.

-----------------------------------


Also, just a tip for anyone who's itching for a BBQ. Shop & Save sells these ready-made BBQ pits - with a wire mesh, charcoal and lighting fluid, container to use for the BBQ and a stand.

In 15 mins, you'll have a great fire roaring and you can BBQ. Just buy a couple of chicken wings, hot dogs, kuning, whatever else you want really... it's damn simple lah.

If you're lazy, get those already marinated food.

But the pit is only big enough for two or maybe three people.


Had a fantastic, leisurely two-hour BBQ meal with:
1. curry/tumeric marinated kuning fish
2. curry/tumeric marinated chicken wings
3. white wine/black pepper marinated prawns
4. italian herbs/black pepper marinated salmon
5. chicken chipolata sausages
6. crab pinchers with BBQ salt

How much did it cost?

Food alone = $30++ for two (erm someone went a bit bonkers at the supermarket. 0
Time taken = 1/2 hour marinating, 15 mins get fire started, 2 hours eat eat eat


It's the most indulgent feeling ever, sitting next to a pool, continuously putting food on the wire mesh, eating and eating and eating and eating. And it's damn simple! Hardly anything to clear up. Just wrap and throw.

Thank you, sweets =)

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114 days: Keep it angry, Keep it wispy

Today was quite a strange day. After falling asleep on the bench in school, i had no less than 5 people ask me:

"Eh Jess, are you ok?"

It's sweet, but I was erm well just genuinely tired and wanted to sleep. No more reason.

But the more people asked me, the more I got unsure of whether I was really alright. Haha

But I am! Really truely am.

-------------------------------------


Chron gonna end soon. I'm not sad. I'm feeling a bit relieved. Just want a bit more time to myself back that's all.


------------------------------------

By the way Swee, I'm watching the video for Kings of Convenience now! HAHA

------------------------------------

Many random thoughts today.

-----------------------------------

115 days: I am damn too-lan

Why? Because my enthusiastic NIE GE class have jumped the gun and posted a grand total of 32 messages on discussion board, a full 24 hours before we were supposed to.

Teacher say post our comments by Thurs night. How to post when everything that can be said has been said by this enthusiastic group of people?

These teachers ah. Like seriously the most hardworking, enthusiastic bunch of people I've ever met. It's not bad, just that the topics that we talk about fail to rouse my enthusiasm. Not 1/5th of what 316 can anyway.

But they get all excited! We NEVER discuss anything interesting in class. SERIOUSLY. SO I don't know why they so excited. Want to say sure can pull something out of my mouth... but most of the time i'm thinking... what's the point? Not saying anything we didn't already know.

Hiyah just bitching cos i saw 32 threads. Why so kiasu... Sigh.

117 days: The Neverending Story

The list of things to do never seems to end you know? After terrible Week 5, comes along horrendous Week 6.

Stuff to do:
1. Feature writing assignment
2. Next public affairs assignment
3. Bingey
4. CV
5. Chron

FUCK. Now I feel as if school is in the way of me being in school.. attending classes slow me down....

It's probably because I need to sleep so much. I'm just so addicted to sleep. Is it really because I dream too much? I have too fitful a sleep... that way I never feel refreshed when I wake up.

Ok once and for all,

Am I really very fierce??

Even when I don't mean to be? I seem to make the Year 2s stressed out just by appearing in front of them.

*sigh*

I'm really quite nice people, serious!

119 days: If I ain't got you

The damn Alicia Keys song has been lodged in my head since we watched Singapore Idol in the Chronicle room on Thursday night.

DAMMIT!

And I didn't even like the damn singer.

Anyway, the lychee martini I had last night kinda wore away the sorrows of the week (don't laugh it's more true than you think) so although I had planned to, I can't whine anymore.

But seriously speaking, I think the past week has been simply disgusting for a lot of us. I don't quite understand how things got this way, but to reach the stage whereby I'm doing work every minute and every secondI... now that is something i am NOT used to.

It's exhausting not to procrastinate and slack.

--------------------------------

Found a very curious bunch of lyrics by typing in Singpaore+lyrics into Google. Interesting song:

TOM WAITS lyrics -

"Singapore"

We sail tonight for Singapore

We're all as mad as hatters here

I've fallen for tawny moor

Took off to the land of Nod

Drank with all the Chinamen

Walked the sewers of Paris

I danced along a colored wind

Dangled from a rope of sand

You must say goodbye to me

We sail tonight for Singapore

Don't fall asleep while you're ashore

Cross your heart and hope to die

When you hear the children cry.

Let marrow bone and cleaver choose

While making feet for children shoes

Through the alley

Back from Hell

When you hear that steeple bell

You must say goodbye to me.

Wipe him down with gasoline

Till his arms are hard and mean,

From now on boys this iron boat's your home

So heave away boys.

We sail tonight for Singapore

Take your blankets from the floor

Wash your mouth out by the door

The whole town is made of iron ore

Every witness turns to steam

They all become Italian dreams

Fill your pockets up with earth

Get yourself a dollar's worth

Away boys, away, boys, heave away

The captain is a one-armed dwarf

He's throwing dice along the wharf

In the land of the blind,

the one-eyed man is King

So take this ring

I just think the lines I highlighted seem to mean more than Tom Waits expected it to.

121 days

Don't take me for granted because I'm all to familiar with that feeling and I can smell it from a mile away.

It's sad you think you can expect something from someone but they fail to deliver.

Everything somehow just points back to the fact that you can't depend on anybody. No one but yourself puts your happiness at Number One.

122 days: You've got to understand, that the reason why life is beautiful is because it can go away.

My computer isn't coorperating again. Hope I'll get to do some proper work tonight though.

Just returned from NTUSU's AGM.... was rather uneventful except for PH's very impressive vocals. Here are the highlights:

1. Their Annual Report was silly. "Western food stall took over the fried noodles stall." And vague. And incomplete.

2. PH had to repeat his name and matriculation number three times.

3. Allen Eng (ex-Pres) handled PH's situation pretty well. He's a bit of a blur idiot, not media savvy, but I liked how he didn't get defensive and remained cool and throughout. Plus he made a dig at PH! "I think your writer understands what I said, but I'm not sure if you do."

4. PH put up a good fight to obtain their financial reports and estimated budget for next year. "As members of the Union, don't we have a right?"

5. The financial controller is a bureacratic nightmare. "Ok, write me a letter saying your reasons for wanting the financial report." You can go kiss my @$$.

6. Less than 200 people showed up. At most 100 plus. Which PH mentioned. "Are you moving for a headcount?" OH GOD NO I don't wanna come back and sit through this again.

7. The new NTUSU president is a Indian SIA Scholar. Called Shadap. "Shadap wants you to speak up."

8. I liked how the 20-odd Union members sitting in two rows behind their president looked like lost lambs and starting whispering around with each other everytime PH asked a question.

9. I thought it was funny how many of the proposers and seconders were Indians and how the woman taking minutes was half deaf. So they had to repeat their names and numbers like 10,000 times.

PH, if you never ever get a hall, I think now you know why.

I'm very proud to be PH's friend! You're priceless man. But only if he's on my side lah.
And I'm sorry the smoking story got held back. Truly really am very sorry. Please continue taking photos for us!

I should've said something. Asked a question. But I didn't have any. It's hard to accuse someone of not being good enough. Only can complain about inefficiencies. Next time, I'm going to the forum.

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Had a talk with someone I was pissed at a few days ago. Boy, am I glad the air has cleared. I think it has anyway. Should've done that in the first place.

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Only three more issues of Chron left. I want to milk it for all it's worth. Any ideas people?
Production night tomorrow. God help us.

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Anyway the line above is from, believe it or not, a stand-up comedian which I downloaded from Comedy Central. I like it because, well, it's true.