Pain

I ache. All. Over.



Sufia and her family has been constantly asking Zaid and Rajiv for money. From me. For a car. A car which I said I could not buy, and made clear that I would not.

I gave them S$200 because that was what she needed for a driver's license. And I felt that it was only right I did something within my abilities. Heck, my cheque from ST was instantly cashed and sent over by my father since my bank account was empty.

Somehow, intent and meaning got mixed up in the translation. Because now my friends in Dhaka are bearing the consequences of my actions. (She wanted to be a driver to earn money, which is what she apparently did in the past.)

A few months ago, I received phone call from Sufia. She started crying on the phone, and obviously I had no idea what she was talking about, only the word "koshto" which means pain.

I'd heard this word quite a lot during my time spent with them.

Zaid says they're being exploitative. I'm not too sure they are. I don't know what I did by giving them that money and my attention and my friendship. I don't know if it made them greedy, or if I had simply created a misunderstanding of expectation which I couldn't correct since I can't speak the language.

I don't think Zaid's very pleased with having to see this side of a family that he's known for 8 years. "I think they only remember me post-Jessica," he said.

What have I done? This is all very confusing to me.