Cheryl Tan 1974-2005

I've just returned from the cremation ceremony of a relative, and I am tired because I didn't sleep and was doing the traditional chinese shou ye (nightwatch).

There's nothing I can say that people wouldn't already know. Yes it was sad, no parent should have to bury their own child, I wonder if someone will look into whether the hospital was negligent, but we're all very lucky to have a huge family that rallies round with playing cards and nonsense talk when its needed the most.

But, at the risk of writing something politically incorrect due to my current state of irritability, I would like to say that I did not appreciate being preached/evangelised to during the wake last night, and before the cremation this morning.

I respect all religions, I respect that she was a Christian, and a devout one at that. I do not mind listening to hymns and prayers and the pastor/priest telling us that she's happy in the safe hands of the Lord Jesus Christ.

And in all likelihood, this is what Mei Mei would have wanted anyway, and that's fine.

So then, I don't know why I bristled during their speeches. I know that this religion is all about putting God above everything else. But I thought we were supposed to be remembering Cheryl, and not the God she worshipped. I wondered why 80% of their speeches revoled around how Jesus sacrificed himself, how God is the only way, how those who embrace him need not fear death, and how he's the answer to the meaning of life etc etc... What about Cheryl? But I suppose, its all the same to them anyway. Doing the work of God, and all that.

Whatever makes her happy.

It could also be because I was being a bitch, and I did not like what I (subjectively) perceived to be smug look of know-it-allness on their faces and the tone of their voice. And how that lady constantly referred to her as "our late sister Cheryl". Yes, we get the idea. The word 'late' started to get very redundant after a while.

I'm very sorry for all this negative feelings Mei Mei, but just to make things clear, its not towards your God or your religion.


I wonder if I was supposed to dream about you that night. Why me, of all people? I was never particularly close to you. All your siblings had that puzzled look, as if wondering, why not in my dreams? Why hers? Or is it because I thought about you too much?

So many ways of looking at this. Please visit them too ok? I think they all want to see the same smile you showed me, it'd put them at ease.