123 days:

The weather's horrible.

Just watched Dead Poet's Society. It's such a cliche film now I think, associated with carpe diem the typically inspiring Robin Williams' movie. The bad thing about being a film out of Hollywood is that people don't take you seriously enough.

But things are always created for a reason. Sure, most Hollywood movies are made for one reason = profits. Those were the intentions of the producers (albeit debatable). Regardless, if we're able to derive some other reason for its existence, draw and create our own meaning of it, isn't that all the better?

Just because the plate of rice was meant for me, it doesn't mean someone else can't have it and enjoy it in a different way right?

I'm just saying this because I think the movie did some good in reigniting some of the fire in me that inevitably burnt out along the way.

With all the mess churning around, it's nice to have something like that to show you first hand what passion is.

Sure, it's all in the editing, in the camera angles, in the acting. But isn't it beautiful how all these artificiality can come together to make me, insignificant little me, feel something?

The beauty of movies.

I sometimes don't like to feel so much about them. I feel as if I've been brainwashed, as if my mind should be able to withstand such obvious attempts and deluding me from reality.

But just like how we pause in our steps to examine a sunset, or how we replay our favourite song just because we felt like listening to it again, or like how we indulge in that extra scoop of icecream because nothing beats that exquisite sensation of sugary, melting bliss in our mouths.... all this we do to make ourselves happy. It reminds us that there is beauty in life, in its little moments which we are thankfully able to carve out for ourselves.

And maybe watching a movie isn't quite so different.

I went into the woods because
I wanted to live deliberately.
I wanted to live deep and
suck out all the marrow of life,
to put to rout all that was not life;
and not, when I came to die,
discover that I had not lived.

The next person to tell me that I'm stupid for wanting to go to a third-world country for my internship can read the above for my explanation. I've spent almost a third of my life doing shit, and it has to end some time.