#41

I'm coming, waltzing back

and moving pushing into your head... please

I wouldn't pass this by

Oh and I wouldn't take any more

and what sort of man goes by

I will bring water

Why won't you ever be glad

It melts into wonder

Oh lord im praying for you

Why won't you runinto the rain and play

and let the tears splash all over you.

Erm. Yes. Singapore Rebel video was very disappointing.

Really don't see how it could harm the PAP more than the opposition by letting it run. It was poorly produced, poorly scripted, with no effort at providing balanced or at least credible and objective information. No matter how accurate it is, people will just say "bah" and walk on, like they do to JBJ in town.

Ph, curry? Ok lor. Cheap jalan kayu prata.

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Was not pleased at our Dean's speech in lecture this afternoon, because he came across pompous and a bit insincere - which is a pity because I really doubt that was how he was trying to come across.

But his comments about India left me cringing. In one big sweep, in his maiden introductory speech to final-year students, he mentioned floods, bad food, big bucks in connection to India.

Open minds yeah?


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In other wordly news, Rajiv is going to Norway. This is damn bloody unfair.

Ok, it's fair lah, i'm just jealous like fuck.

But Lars, what will you do without me to break up the fights between you and the King of Communism???


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Feline update: A scratch that narrowly missed my eyeballs and a couple of hard smacks on her butt later, we're frolicking on the carpet like little kids. Cat has decided that owner's underwear drawer makes for a great place to hide - me wonders at the infinite number of sexual innuendos Norman and Alvin will be able to make of this situation.



I have frequent fantasies dreamt up when I'm stoning into space during blank spaces of time such as when I'm on the commute, 'downtime' as Benny the Man calls it, imagining that one morning when I leave her outside to play as I'm getting ready to leave the house, I take up my bag march out of my room and call her name to come back in, and I see someone standing at the railings pushing kitty over the edge and I rush out and scream and see her fall to her death, but I don't look at the end because, well, I can't look, and I look at the guy who did it, and I imagine all the things that I would do to him and how I would have no regrets even if I end up having to spend time in jail as a result of what the judge would call "unneccessary violence."


And when I look at her, when we're alone in my room, I just have to close my eyes, and hear Dave Matthews singing about golden fire and I have a month old kitten on my lap again, and Noyon is outside my room knocking to be let in, the room still lingers with the smell of the pesticide I sprayed earlier, there goes Shalini going up the stairs, no doubt smoking up another joint.

And with my eyes still closed, I step outside to breathe the air, it's hot and musty, the rains will be coming soon. The security guard's still on duty, stripped to the waist with a thin singlet because of the heat, but he doesn't bother with me anymore. A cheeky salute, and i'm outside the gate, Noyon behind me, clinging on the the gate staring at the buses that pass. I walk a few steps, someone yells something from a passing rickshaw. Is it so late already? The lady is still there, I run up to catch her before she leaves.

She flashes a tired but amused grin at me. She doesn't speak much, but we smile a lot, and I guess that makes up for it.

As I do sometimes, I stand at the gate, and watch the world go by, the security guard's behind me. I wonder where he came from, how he gets enough rest when he does the night shift. Noyon appears with a toothbrush in his mouth. I love the way he brushes his teeth. Sometimes, even while still half straddled upon a motorbike parked unknowingly in the courtyard.

I go back to my room, I can smell the first drops of rain. I think about Jo, and how she'd love it so much to be here to smell the rain with her cuppa tea on the rooftop. The winds are so fantastic sometimes. Kitty's on the bed waiting for me, she's hiding, waiting to pounce. I wonder if my heart would burst with all that I'm feeling for her.

Do you miss Bangladesh?

Everyone asks me this. And I used to say, No, I don't.

How can you miss something that's so entirely different? It didn't make sense to my emotions to connect the two places. But, on the other hand, of course I do. It's not possible for me not to, i'm not that unsentimental.

And so, as I told Lars, I've realised when what you feel is so huge and entrenched in such a deep part of you, you just don't know where to start. I don't know how to begin missing Bangladesh. It's not a figure of speech, I really don't know how to begin.