There's been a dearth of pics from me lately - I don't know why. But here's some anyway.



Yet another one from the will-never-see-the-light-of-print collection.




Collecting cans at Shenton Way.



Obese poochie. Been seeing a lot of those recently, for some strange reason.



And why I feel like screaming at my neighbours. I probably would - if I knew which one was responsible for this. Land of 4 million smiles my ass - not if you're our rubbish cleaner. Whatever. Angst angst. So pissed. ARGH.



----------



Spain is coming along. Barcelona, to be exact. It is all very tentative and strange and not set in concrete terms which frustrates me because I want to yell out in joy and run around and start getting ready asap - but I have to control myself in the event of eventual disappointment.

If I do get this, if it checks out to be legit, if I can gather the guts to say Yes with finality - it will be so soon that I will be knocked emotionally senseless by the whirlwind of saying goodbyes. So in two weeks I'll either be here, or not.

I looked at Low Thia Kiang and all the other WP people today at the event and for the first time I really asked myself - am I a quitter? What did these people have to sacrifice for what they believed in? Ah it doesn't matter, I'd go anyway.



[UPDATE: You know the part above where I said "if it checks out to be legit"? Yeah well. It didn't. Seeya guys around.]

Ninja

Frankie came back from Melbourne for a while. Strange 'ol Frankie who I never really spent time with but we always make believe and behave as if we did anyway. Maybe its a Saggi thing. Doodling together in our uniforms in the canteen, making all the girls happy with his candied words.








And oh. I may be moving to Spain.

So Say We All : I Am Singaporean

Mr Brown, you have started something very beautiful.

I suppose I will write my own soon enough, but I am satisfied listening to what other Singaporeans have to say.

Strangely enough, I had just returned home from shooting NDP rehearsal at the Stadium. I never want to apply for tickets or turn up for the event. Even when I watch it on TV its just background noise. But to be on the field surrounded by thousands... oh that's something different.



I have compiled a list of sentences from every single IAMSINGAPOREAN blogpost/podcast (so far). Click on the sentence to read the full post.

-----------------------------------------

I am Singaporean

-----------------------------------------

"Just like how spaghetti is always spaghetti and not italian noodles,
bak chor mee will always be bak chor mee and not minced meat noodles."

"I walk the streets of Ann Siang, Chinatown, Little India and touch the dirty walls with paint peeling off revealing the wonderful and rich history of my island,
something no museum or textbook can do."

"I take the public transport.But due to rising cab fares, my 18mth old daughter have to be cruelly woken up at 7am so we can bring her by 3 trips of bus to the nanny."

"I have a Prime Minister AND a President...and a Senior Minister and a Minister Mentor.
I speak Engrand and JAVA, not English, and I pronounce it "flo-wer", not "flour"."

"i flew to Australia to further my studies, using dad’s HDB retrenchment package.
i realised my hokkien swearing skills are useless here.
And that “Kang Kong” and “Hang Hr” does not exist here.
Neither can i order “Or Lua” without the “Or” here."

"E-mails seemed to be like the cars on the CTE, always flooded.
Cabs to work will have to pass through 2 gantries."

"I like playing football, but my Mom told me, there's no future in playing football in Singapore."

"I love my flag, although I seldom see it around.
I am a Chinese, but my best friend is a Malay, and I think Indian girls are cute."

"My current wife is my fifteen year old Toyota Corrolla whom I named Peggy.
I hope to find my true love and closed my SDU account which I got when I graduate."

"I've recently returned to Singapore after living in London for 2 years.
I believe that imperialism and racism is well and truly alive, and that "the West" has absolutely no idea what a formidable force Singaporeans can be."

"I think I have freedom of speech as long as no one can hear me."

"I am Singaporean. I don't want to be one anymore.
I live in Singapore. I don't want to be in anymore.
I know the government term us as "quitters" but I do not care."

"It is with pride that I carry my Singapore passport when I travel around the world. I am always proud and eager to tell my foreign friends that I am Singaporean."

"I know the names of all the players in my favourite EPL team
but I have no idea who is in our National Soccer team."

"I pay property tax every year. I pay TV licence every year. I pay to ride the MRT every day."

"I was not born here but I hate COE like you do,
I only have 4 wheels from two of my bicycles.
I was not born here but I cycle to East Coast to enjoy the Sun, Sand Sea ...
altho i Know the beachs are fake..."

"I learnt how hard Indian and Bangladesh foreign workers work
when I was in reservist digging shellcrapes and command posts.
I now respect physical labour."

"I get angry when I see Sarong Party Girls and their angmoh boyfriends,
but I'm learning french and spanish so that I can bio ang moh char boh."

"I like my teh tarik with foam, but I also like my Saint-Emilion Merlot.
I like my prata telur bawang, but I also like my tenderloin steak medium-done."

"i am gay. i take drugs.
lots of drugs - paracetamol, claritin, dhasedyl and amoxyilin. is glucosamine a drug?
i have less sex than the average singaporean - less than 73 times a year.
wish i could do better though. not good to pull down the national average.
wait, is gay sex included in the national average?"

"I met my boyfriend 4 years back and I still love him very much.
I am considered a pervert, pedophile and etc. just because I am attracted to men."


One of those which really struck a chord:

"I am pro-life, but I was taught how to kill when I was 18.
When I was born, my mom was scolded by the nurse because she didn't stop at 2. "



Also in Mandarin by Cloudywind

And in Cantonese (and one of my favourites) is Stan And Ryan's.

[ decided not to translate because it doesn't quite do the original justice ]



And of course, the ones who started it all:



"I love the national flag, but I don't always put it up when I'm asked to."

"I can speak good English but nabeh I curse more effectively with dialect."

"I am mrs brown. My name is Ginny, and I am a Singaporean."

Technorati Tag: iamsingaporean, singapore, mrbrown

No love lost

I have not had a single thing to eat all day. And as a result = I am drunk. Two beers un-did me.


Strangely enough, I haven't felt hungry at all - a first since I have been finding it hard to rein in the glutton monster in me these past few days.

But still! It is good. And fun. Like-minded people very hard to come by these days.






Mark let it slip (accidentally, I think) what the other esteemed people in my previous institution had to say about me. Or rather, the questions that they asked him about me. What happened to the promising Dean List-er?? What a shame.


In my intoxicated state (which I am still in, unfortunately) all I wanted to say is Fuck Them.

Seriously, them and all their impossible standards and ridiculous definitions of success.

"Is this too self-reflective?" Mark asked.

It isn't, because I already know the answer to the questions.



I do not, for a moment, regret any of the mistakes I have made and the bad choices I have chosen. I am glad that As and Bs no longer meant anything to me as the years went by, and the attainment of education took priority over the comprehension of useless information. I am proud that I now only give respect to those who have earned it, and that age, titles and paper qualifications do not mean anything anymore. I am glad that I have failed, because the taste of it is an experience which will teach me a lesson for the rest of my life. Its like a slap in the face - you gotta feel it to understand it.

And that said - boy, am I glad to be out of that place.

Highs and Lows

What a strange day.


Overjoyed and exhilarated to the point of tears at a chance meeting of two friends I thought I'd never run into again because after Darren and I broke up I basically steered clear of everything (and everybody) that reminded me of him.

It included a visit to their house that I had spent hours in sipping wine/coffee, yelling during games of Taboo and admiring the beauty that is a golden retriever.

Such an unexpected revisitation to things that I used to love proved to be a much too emotional experience - more so than I had expected it to be.



And in the same breath of time, as if it wasn't already enough that I was wiping back tears just watching the damn dog run around me in circles, I had to find out that Darren had gotten married just the week before.

"Better that you find out from me this way, than from someone else."

I could probably list a million ways which it could've been better, but he did have a point.

It is difficult to wrap my mind around something like this, and I don't even know where to begin or how to start dealing with it. Anger? Sadness? Bitterness? Did I not deserve at least a phone call? Apparently not.

But Anger has no place in these circumstances, and as much as my mind and heart vehemently resists doing so, I wish him all the happiness that he would ever deserve and more, and I thank him for the experience of what it feels like to be utterly dispensable.

Aya Sekine

"All her designs, there are no middle!"

- Aya on her stylist's love for the asymmetrical.

Had the great pleasure of shooting Aya's album launch today. Recovering from a high fever and enduring a throbbing headache, she nonetheless put up one helluva performance.

The first time I saw her she had on an Afro wig, red overalls and gold high-heeled pumps. Moved on from playing in punk rock bands in New York to being Jazz@Southbridge's regular pianist.

She'll be playing again at Esplanade in late-September for their Late Nite series... Catch Play! Aya, Play!

The off days inch nearer.


I thoroughly enjoyed the Brazil/Ghana match tonight. Minimal rugby-like brashness and rough play, smiling players, plenty of on-target attempts and... aiyah what do I know.

Didn't realise they were tunnelling under the old National Library. No one stopped me as I wandered into the construction site tonight - was very nice to be there.










Another sample from the mountains of film shots from a year back..





The boys had devised a way to carry the huge plastic gunny sack with one arm, leaving the other free to pick up scrap metal and plastic to be sold off for cash.

One guy told me how he had bathed in crystal clear waters when he was a child, and refuses to do the same anymore now that the waters are black.

Parallel universe

A simple case of where I am, and where I want to be. Two women I have met at very different points of my life. I wonder what they would say to each other if they met.





Just having a slight bout of reverse-homesickness these couple of days. I miss it very badly, probably induced by all negatives I've been scanning. Will upload them soon, one year too late.

Was glad to find some shots of Cat when she was still there... I'd forgotten how scrawny she was. I don't think I would have expected her to still be with me as I watched her leap and pounce at our breakfast table. How strange the way things unfold sometimes.

I woke up at 4 in the afternoon with a headache, half of my off-day gone.

I had looked through two of my colleague's raw shots of the same event which we had attended together (long story, manpower allocation not my desk's strong point sometimes). My pictures were comparatively messy, unfocused, technically unsound. Generally, I'm not happy with my work.

People ask me why I don't source for a job elsewhere, or go overseas - and I know I'm right when I tell them that I need more experience.

I'm looking forward to work tomorrow, and in an evil not-good-for-work-attidude way I hope nothing happens, because I envision myself spending the day scanning my negatives - just like I used to do for hours and hours and hours.

And so it seems that the 24-hour McDonald's near my place has introduced FREE wireless internet.... so the weird "Sky Net Global" connection I couldn't connect to one year ago works now, they were probably running tests on it in the past.

So, with available XL iced-lemon tea, toilets, power points and now the internet... McDonald's is EVIL. I can't stay away even if I want to.





Abir has a gallery to himself at Enter World Press Photo. I love his work. And i'm dying to go back.

I had read a few issues of the New Internationalist magasine when I was there... seemed like good stuff. Not too sure if its available here. But they've archived most of their articles online. The most recent one about Singapore was printed in 2001 about globalisationn.

" The moral of this tale is rather simple. If the richest, most highly educated, nationalist country in the developing world will willingly sacrifice its cultural identity, the last, best bastion of its individuality, to globalization – we can be sure the pandemic has already happened. "

Running into brick walls

Again and Again and Again. Its just one of those days at work. Like Groundhogs's Day the Movie the Sequel x 10.

Thankfully, her evilness makes me happy.

Cat's Happy Hereday

So, what is it like to have been a Singaporean for exactly one year? I'd ask her, but she really doesn't care. Bleah, indeed.




A couple of photos I wanted to post... but the flickr Pro account has expired and I haven't renewed and I've exceeded my limit this month. Horror!

Soccer soundbites.

Banzai!!!

Tamagotchi! Kanagutchi!!

Banzai banzai banzai!!!!

Bloody bastard he shoot through the hole man!

Your hair so stylo you better shoot me one good goal!

Go back home and eat more kangeroo meat!

Eh what's the meaning of Banzai ah.

*SILENCE* (when Australia scored)

*SILENCE* (when Australia scored)

*SILENCE* (when Australia scored)

Sunday

For all my disinterest (not 'un' but 'dis') in the World Cup, its hard not to get sucked into the hype. Cat apparently, has some form of defence against the media saturation.





Thanks to a car, I went to two new places tonight and revisited another. I bitch and whine about it, but make no mistake - NTU is really beautiful at night.

There are a gadzillion steps to climb to reach my much-missed place of solace in Hall 9. But I think its worth it. It's actually a laundry-drying area no one uses anymore, and comes with a nice view from the fifth floor atop a hill with trees all round.



We had once dragged up a discarded mattress and just lay there looking at the (few) stars and enjoying the fresh air. When you're in hall, surrounded by strangers and a whole lot of things that don't really make you feel comfortable, you inevitably find means of escape from it all.

The fatigue of the day was quickly dissipated,





and all that was left was just a puddle of me.

Gone Fishing

I had a GREAT weekend (don't get technical with me). Two photo exhibitions, one in-coming cheque and one small bouquet of happy flowers bought at a whim in celebration (of the cheque).

Would buy flower more often, but in a showdown of Felis domesticus VS Phlox divaricata - there can only be one winner.

Double off-days are so good.

Life Lesson Module #879 :

(Flunked Thrice And Repeating)

SOLO CONSUMPTION OF HORROR MOVIES AND ITS CONSEQUENCES

Course Outline : This course covers an overview of the psychological processes involved in an individual's visual experience of horror-themed films, including a comprehensive investigation into the causal links between the motivaton to undergo the experience and illusory beliefs in courage. Students will also learn how to identify socio-behavioural patterns and establish correlation between incidence levels and IQ measurements.


Prerequisite Course: Life Lesson Module #101 : I TOLD YOU SO


------------------------------------------


A damn lot of new photos. Inspired the seasonsed guys at pix desk talking on and on about how great 0759 was (couldn't find other info for it online), a couple of us tried to soft-relaunch it.

Will set up another place to put the photos up, We're sure as hell going to try and keep it going. So for now.... back to randomness.







Oh and I dug up a few more photos from the Election Period. Only one month on, but it feels like ages ago.








------------------------------------------



And oh, Happy Birthday Joo.

Congratulate Us.

I sit here with a glass of ribena-tequila feeling very smug and happy.

Second-upper honours and a B for FYP. Not too shoddy indeed, considering that I had been prepared for the worst. Everyone I've spoken to seemed satisfied and happy. This is excellent.

At first, four years doesn't seem like a long time. But then I think about what has transpired since... it was certainly long enough.

A far cry from the nights spent up on the rooftop of Hall 9's drying area, tentatively trying a cigarette, staring at the stars and enjoying the breeze, gossiping about the guys in the block, listening to Portishead and Lamb, heckling the noisy motorcyclists in the carpark, quarreling with the boyfriend on the phone.

Since then, numerous projects and powerpoints, chron offstones and news cons, drunken hours and false purchases, two short videos and many photographs, writing heartfelt essays and hated reports, four halls and four roommates, visiting bangladesh and indonesia, finding love and losing it.

Ahhh how nice it is to be at the beginning of everything.









Moving on to reality. It was World Environment Day. Digging from the archives of Things Which Will Never See The Light Of Day:

Isn't that awesome?

Like. Totally. I just read GFY and watched Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Contest and now all I can hear in my head is a blonde girl in an ugly-bikini telling me things, like, about ya know, things.

And that'd be completely ok except that when such an accent gets in my head all I want to do is start yammering away to irritate-someone/make-someone-laugh (fine line, fine line) and there isn't any one but The Cat who has already scratched me twice tonight and seems unreceptive to American Accented Discourse.



I was so worried that in her quest to Kill the Butterfly she would overestimate her leap and jump to her death.

I wonder if horoscopes apply to animals. What is Cat? Aloof. Independent. Fickle.



One day I shall create a MCQ Quiz on Life and Things and have these two 30-May birthday-boys fill them out. If they answer the same for more than 80% of the questions I will accept it as conclusive proof that astrology is a fact.


Have the weekend off. Seeya Monday.

In Kilts, Naturally

Saiful told me that there were complaints from residents about too many foreign workers sleeping in the collection centres.

That is such a bizarre thing that I can't quite begin to wrap my mind around it.

These people sleep at 10pm at night, except Saiful who works two jobs a day. I don't ever see or hear them unless I actively seek them out. How could they have possibly bothered these residents?

In case you're thinking, WOAH JESS, don't jump to conclusions! Yes, its also entirely likely that these people didn't complain about them, but complained that they shouldn't have to stay in such a place.

--------------------

A job at Sungei Buloh at 9 am in the morning, which made me groan at first - till I remembered that this is probably the only chance I'll get in a while to visit the place. The only gripe I have now is that I cannot explore at leisure.

Lotsa outdoorsy stuff recently. Punggol beach, ECP, Ubin possibly on Sunday and now Sungei Buloh.

I ain't complaining, that's for sure.

--------------------------------------

Three north-easterners discovered a good reason why staying in the NE may not be such a bad thing after all.

--------------

And we come to the title of this entry, naturally.

We could've fed a village

Had a "business lunch" at the supposedly very famous Hua Ting restaurant at Orchard Hotel. Well, I wasn't doing anything but being present for a free lunch.

For 7 men and 1 woman and 1 me, we killed:

- Two Ducks
- One Pig
- Five Crabs
- Fifty Scallops
- One big-assed fish

And a patridge in a pear tree... lalala.

Possibly more animals involved in the creation of stocks/soups/oils. When I was served two slices of duck meat and two small cubes of roast pork on a huge plate - I really had to try very hard to stifle the giggles in front of these important men dressed in suits.

Couldn't enjoy it as much, I tried to behave myself in front of these important people. It is very difficult to eat crab gracefully.




Have pity on us who mock, for we do not understand.

But, truth be told. The food WAS good. Or maybe I was just so hungry from all the small portions it teased my tummy into blissful submission.

Have Car, Will Travel.

Damn this convenience that cars give.

Its been a long time since I went for a drive to Punggol point. Not since my dad sold his car many years back... and definitely not since I started university and work.

I'm not quite sure why I feel so nostalgic about the place. Technically, its unwarranted. Maybe its because I know that my Mom's entire family (and hence half of my roots, so to speak) grew up along Ponggol Road, where she trudged along in the darkness at night and in the morning to school, where she raised her dog Blackie who didn't survive the shift to HDB in the 1980s.

Until today, my mother still occassionally runs into fellow neighbours around Hougang who used to live in the same kampong. Its amazing.

Ponggol or Punggol? It used to be the former.

My own memories are largely confined to stories that I hear about the Before-Electricity-And-TV-Era and my own memories of family dinners at the old Ponggol Seafood restaurant, when sotong balls was a MUST and chilli crab a treat. I've no idea why food tastes better outdoors, but it does.


But yes, cars. Without one I wouldn't have made it to Ponggol Marina and wow-ed and ah-ed at the dramatic shadows the boats cast in the huge holding bay where they were stacked up in tiers. Wouldn't have sighed contently watching the darkness while standing right at the tip of the pier, eyeing the beautiful egret perched silently at the other end.

Singapore is always so much more beautiful in the dark.

And I wouldn't have gone to the end of Ponggol either. Ash believed that it was still walled up and under construction, and I was so glad to see the same old pier (probably renovated though) and an actual beach.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm so glad Singapore can create our own beaches.

It looked like its been there a while. The shallow waters, surprisingly, were clear and almost pristine. I'm sure that daylight would yield a different look, but it really did look clean tonight. Some grass had already grown over a few patches, and two mongrels were snuggled in the sand in their own makeshift sand-cot.

I've not seen stray dogs in Singapore for quite a long time, and when one of them actually woke up and came over to sit with me I wanted to give it a big hug. I would, but for all my post-bangladesh-very-very-low-hygiene-standards (according to Mother) I still have some sense.

So lovely. I hope it remains quietly undiscovered. Let everyone else think that there's nothing left anymore.



No car, nevermind. I got good bicycle.




-------------------------------------------------


Oh, and I still love Jon.

"On a personal note, I am a comedian who makes fun of what I believe to be the absurdities of our government. Make my life difficult.
Make these next four years really shitty for me."

- prior to the US's voting day in 2004.

Taking a breath

Just would like to state that I'm very happy with the way things are. They could be better, of course, but then again it could be much much worse.

Work turned out to be more stressful than I thought it would be. I'd been spoilt and used to being at the top of the class, or at least in a reasonably comfortable position somewhere in the strata of things, and the feeling of starting from scratch from the bottom it strangely exciting and refreshingly good. I like being kept busy, since I lack the discipline to do it to myself.

Someone I didn't know very well remarked today when I made a optimistic comment, "That's because you're Jess!" And I suppose that my behaviour in office has inevitably created some UltraSunshine V. 5.6 of myself. Its probably a combination of the nerves I get (which makes me jumpy and edgy and overflowing with excess energy) and that I genuinely love what I do.

The statement bothers me. I'd been accused an equal number of times of being both optimistic and pessimistic. And really, I don't know which one is right. Ah well.


Other than that, I'm waiting for the paycheck to arrive. I need to buy:


1. CF card reader


Er.. ok it seems like that's it for my buying list. I guess my To-Do list is the nightmarish one.

My photo as a wall mural at Clarke Quay 2.4 m tall!???



AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Puzzling

How is it possible for a person to "feel bored" in Qatar on the first day of their first trip there?

Oh... how I judge.

"Many people don't realise this, but he was sent from the future to destroy himself."

Yes, still obsessed with Jon.

---------------------

Its kinda cool to have a cat with a cockroach-search-and-kill-radar, but not so cool when she chooses my bed as a display-and-admire-my-fallen-prey zone.

Bug juice all over my sheets. Yeuch.

Its times like this when I wonder what would have happened if Peter (my cook) had really taken her back to his home, where he told me he would house her in the attic where they keep all the rice (he has fields) so that she would help catch rats. He was the only other person (besides Gwen and myself) who really loved that kitten, and he was the only one I'd have given her to.

I bet she'd have been really good at catching rats.




Kuda Kepang. I was thrilled to see a live performance right next to Braddell MRT. Imagine, people in trance in broad daylight! Oh the horror.

But yes, it was amazing to watch. Apparently another dying "artform", although it seems to be rather controversial (soucre: One Malay Dude) because its not exactly sanctioned by the Koran. But wow, what a fantastic topic to do a photo essay on.